


Exit the Nightmare: Let's Fix This

by OfTheWhisperingMaple



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Angst, Dib Gaz and Zim are autistic icons, Dib has social anxiety, Emotional Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Emotional depth? In my Invader Zim? More likely than you think, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forgive me this is my first time dabbling in sci-fi stuff so the techy aspects may not be the best, Gen, Late teens Dib and Gaz, M/M, Queerplatonic ZADR (eventual), ZaGf, past trauma, space adventures
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 43,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25888840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfTheWhisperingMaple/pseuds/OfTheWhisperingMaple
Summary: It's been a while since the time Zim moved the entire earth to appease his rulers. Since then, Dib has become a vagrant with vague plans of living in the woods away from society, Zim has greatly stalled his plans to conquer Earth, and Gaz... well, she's not changed much, but she's a lot more confused and pissed off at her family dynamic than ever before. When Dib drops by his old home after leaving on unexpected terms a couple years back, it goes about as well as one might think. He's a wreck, Gaz is this close to beating something, and Zim suddenly becomes inspired to go out into the cosmos and locate his Tallest, who haven't been the most chatty since they last congratulated him on his clown puppy retrieval.A ticket off the planet? Count Dib in.It's a tale of adventure, self-discovery, family bonds, and of two dorks realizing they don't have to pretend to hate each other anymore, as fun as that might be.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Prologue... OF DOOM!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all! This is my first solo fic, and I'm excited to finally start uploading it after fretting over it for several weeks! My good friend got me hardcore into Invader Zim not too long ago, and after taking one (or several ) look at everything the main three go through, I decided I must write them the tale I feel they deserve. Time to unravel all that trauma the society of Irk and Earth put these kiddos through. Fun times U_U
> 
> My Tumblr, though I must warn you I don't do much more than reshare things at the moment:  
> \- [My Tumblr](https://canada-maplehockey.tumblr.com)  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Florpus Hole incident, Zim has reappeared to... cause relatively harmless annoyances? Not on Dib's watch.

In a decidedly normal display, Dib was hyper-focused on the lunch table farthest away from his, at which sat his "favorite" extraterrestrial, Zim. The sight of the boy hunched over, eyelid twitching, gaze never leaving the other side of the room had become commonplace, and nobody would question it anymore- if they bothered to give Dib a second thought, that is. However, even the most ignorant of the skool's students would agree that something was amiss today. Instead of subdued fury, the expression on Dib's face told of internal conflict, like he couldn't decide WHAT emotion he should be feeling. If one squinted, perhaps pity would surface. Blink, and frustration would have taken over. Look away to cough, and suddenly, Dib looked like someone who REALLY needs to go to the bathroom. All in all, it was quite a different look than his usual sure determination.

Oh, there might also be the small detail that this was the first time in two weeks that Zim had reported back to class after the whole "transported the planet to certain doom only for it to be saved at the very last second" ordeal. Sure, the lack of a subject to view hadn't fixed Dib's staring habit, but to have the blank space filled once again with a "boy" whose eyes were locked onto the ceiling made everything all the more uncomfortable. Seriously, one could puncture the awkwardness with a pin, if one happened to have one on hand ( or cared to notice the two, for that matter ).

"Hey. It's weird that you're still tolerable to sit next to even though Zim's back." Funnily enough, Dib was sitting next to the one person who fit both of the above criteria. Gaz, still facing her food, was lightly jabbing her brother's cheek with a stray bobby pin. "Figured you'd have a lot to mumble about after two weeks of nothing."

Brought down to Earth again, Dib shook his head and jammed a fist to his cheek. His eyes stayed where they were, but he humored his tablemate by sighing, "I do, it's just… a whole lot of nonsense I've got to pick through first." It looked like Gaz was going to say something, but the floodgates had already been opened. "It doesn't make any sense, you know? Zim was beaten! I'd say we beat him pretty good!" Now fired up, he pounded a fist to the table, repeating the action every few words. "The armada didn't care at ALL about the Earth! I saw Zim's space map with my own eyes! Then we got out of there with the moose and all, which SHOULD MEAN we're ONCE AGAIN out of the armada's reach. Any SMART person would realize that trying to take over a planet that your OVERLORDS don't care about is STUPID, right?" With an audible whip of air, Dib thrust out an arm and pointed aggressively at the Irken in question. "So then WHY IS HE STILL HERE!?"

"Get off the table, I don't want to be stared at because you forgot how stupid Zim can be." Relatively unrustled, Gaz reached up and dragged the yelling creature back to his seat. "Are you _really_ sure he wasn't lying about that? I don't doubt he'd be oblivious to his rulers not wanting anything to do with this junky dirtball, but he _could_ still be trying to con you. How many phases did he say were left of this plan, again?"

Dib half-heartedly growled and cast Gaz a wary look. "He didn't. Normally, I'd agree with you, and believe me when I say I probably still do under a few layers of confusion, but… " Amber eyes streak back to the green being. "That whole thing felt very… last resorty to me. Like that was his do-or-die moment. You get what I mean, right, Gaz? Most of his schemes really only cover the town, moving the whole Earth is _way_ bigger than he's ever gone before." His hands clasped together, and he rested his chin on his intertwined fingers. "And in the end, he still failed… he's gotta know when to throw in the towel, right? He's holding onto the towel so hard, it's probably all" -he wiggled his fingers and grimaced for effect- "soaked and drippy with… gross, alien exhaustion sweat."

Gaz herself grimaced a fraction of the way and stopped from taking the bite currently on her fork. "Ugh, don't make me think about it." She unceremoniously dropped her utensil and cracked an eye open, regarding Dib with an impatient hum. "Well, why don't you go bug _him_ and ask? Gloating's your thing, and for once, you actually have a good enough reason for it." All the eagerness oozed from Dib's posture, leaving him once again hunched and wobbly-looking. When all he could offer was a non-committal noise, Gaz furrowed her brow and reclosed her eye. "Is _that_ the face you were making before? You look constipated."

"I _feel_ constipated." The collar of Dib's trenchcoat began fidgeting as he flicked his fingers against it. "I dunno, I just… uh… maybe I'll give him a taste of his own medicine and ignore him for an unreasonably long amount of time now?" A crooked smile with all the authenticity of a forged _Mona Lisa_ sputtered to life. "Make him be a chair next, right? Yeah?"

Gaz remained motionless. The smell of bull dookie was very pungent, it seemed. "Try again."

"Didn't think you'd buy that." Deflating further, Dib frowned and became increasingly interested in counting the tiles of the floor. "Fine. I went to his base a couple days after we won, and I saw him glued to his TV screen. I couldn't catch what it was before I got chased away by those gnome sentries he has, but I bet it was the broadcast of Dad convincing the world that everything that happened must've been some _mass hallucination_ or something." Once again, frustration appeared in his expression, which he quickly obstructed with both hands. "GAH, and everyone BELIEVED IT! Like… like sheep people! Blind, blind sheep people!" Hands returned to the table, and Dib returned to his initial state of mental bedlam. "Do you understand now, Gaz? Zim MUST know about it, and the SECOND I go over there, he's gonna rub it in my face! How nobody will believe me even after the Tallest themselves were just HANGING OUT IN THE SKY WITH CANNONS! ALL BECAUSE! DAD! SAID-"

"You're frothing at the mouth. Stop yelling, dimwit, I'm literally right next to you." Dib ceased his verbal rampage to meet Gaz's mostly unperturbed face. Whether the scarce upturn of her eyebrow was concern or annoyance, it was difficult to tell. "Okay, so you're still ticked about that. At least he didn't call you insane when he brought you up in the interview."

"Saying I'm 'extremely imaginative' and 'confused yet highly spirited' still means he doesn't believe me!"

"Sure, but it's a step in the right direction. You might get another chance to prove your stuff in the future. Maybe he'll be more willing by then, I don't know."

"Another chance!? How could anything compare to having a MOTHERSHIP in our backyard!?" Oh dear, the boy has definitely settled on frustration now. He raised his hands and looped them through his hair, pulling down as though he could keep his lid from blowing. "Nagh! I'm angry about it all over again! Thanks, Gaz, I might have the drive to go yell at Zim after all!" Without a second thought, Dib dramatically rose from the table, coat tails flying out behind him as he stormed forward. 

Now alone, Gaz waited a moment before sighing and turning back to her food. "Whatever. I'll get the hanky ready for when the alien hurts your feelings." 

Ironically, it looked as though said alien was forehead deep in his OWN feelings. The closer Dib got, the more he noticed Zim's eyes refusing to meet his. That, and there was a grating, repetitive screech every couple of seconds, which was quickly identified as Zim dragging his fork prongs against the table. Not the most suitable audience for a tongue lashing, but the steaming little Earth boy cared not one bit.

"Hey! Hey, Zim!" When he reached the table, Dib kicked a leg up and slammed his heel down inches from Zim's tray. Said tray jumped a couple inches into the air; pea juice sprayed all over the slightly agape jaw of the poor, unaware Irken. Even as nasty liquid dripped onto his crisp uniform, the space cadet remained in his orbit, much to Dib's chagrin. Instead of moving further, the brilliant instigator decided that yelling more was the best plan. 

"Look at me! I'm trying to-"

_Screeeeee_

The fork drowned out any and all immediate noise. 

"...Zim! Look at-"

_Screeeeeeee_

"Zim!"

_Screeeeeeeeeeeee_

"Zi-"

_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-_

Dib jerked the fork out of Zim's hand, teeth grit so hard that it was miraculous that they weren't sparking. How dare this criminal attempt to ignore what was coming to him!? A piece of metal on wood could only do so much to delay the inevitable!

"ZIM!"

Dib was confident that would work… until he glanced down and noticed that Zim's arm was still leading an empty fist back and forth, the fork acting like a phantom limb of sorts. 

"Oh, come on!"

Not about to retreat, Dib stomped over and stood behind his nemesis. He firmly raised a hand, drew it back, and, with all his might, rapidly patted Zim's cheek while muttering, "Hey, hey, snap out of it, hey, hey, Zim, lookit me, hey." 

It was smart of Dib to stand out of the way - it took a minute, but soon enough, Zim's fist flew out exactly ninety degrees to his side. His eyelids snapped together once, twice, and his lips followed suit. He grunted a confused "eh?" and looked around rapidly, seeming to hear his surroundings for the first time.

"Hello? Was someone calling me? Who requires the attention of Zim- EUGH GROSS HOW'D THAT GET THERE!?" The dramatic back tilt Zim did with his head made a trickle of veggie juice spill into his mouth. Now, he was gagging and swiping at his chin, still very unaware of the boy directly posterior to him.

Naturally, that didn't sit well with the aforementioned boy.

"I kicked it there, you jerk!" Dib swirled on his heel and stepped into Zim's line of sight. With fists anchored to his hips, he squinted down at the suffering being and huffed resentfully. "It's the LEAST you deserve after all the pain you put me and the rest of the world through!"

Instead of responding, Zim continued wiping at his mouth and making disturbed gagging sounds. Occasionally, it looked like he was done, but he'd make a show of holding up a finger to signal that he needed more time and go right back to it. Dib was doing all he could to hold it together, but honestly, this blatant show of disrespect had been part of why he'd feared coming over here in the first place. If too much more lollygagging went down, he was tempted to turn tail and accept any snide remarks from Gaz calling him a coward. 

Fortunately, Zim soon concluded his agony with a mighty wheeze and a delayed blink. Once he'd regained his composure, his non-existent brows furrowed, and he squinted right back at the perpetrator of the juice flinging. "Dib! How dare you desecrate my mouth with the disGUSTingly green flavored pea water!? Couldn't you see I was deep in contemplation!?"

Dib scoffed and pointed to the deep quadruple trenches next to Zim's lunch tray. "Yeah, real genius work going on here. What were you trying to do, dig your own grave in a...table?" He winced, though he admitted to himself that he wasn't in the right mind frame for clever retorts and thus excused what just came out of his mouth. 

"Ha!" Ever observant, Zim completely overlooked Dib's jab and took his turn of pointing at the indentations. "That table has never looked better! It has all _kinds_ of filth carved on both sides! A few perfectly symmetrical lines put all of the sloppy initials and human curse words to SHAME!" He barked a laugh, then shifted to a more skeptical pose: leg crooked over bent knee, chin rested on tight fist, and mouth downturned under lidded eyes. "But, eh, really, whaddya want? Isn't it a little early for this?"

"Early? It's near the end of lunchtime!"

"Hm? Oh, right, it is!" 

Dib was slightly taken aback, as Zim had to do a double take at the clock before declaring his agreement - he was normally vigilant of the time to an almost fanatical degree. Come to think of it, he'd been in a strange state all morning, hadn't he? Not once did Dib catch him looking anywhere but the ceiling, just as he'd been doing moments ago. Was he experiencing some side effect of the events of weeks prior? Did the loss get to his head that badly? 

He would have continued pondering, but several seconds of awkward silence had already passed. 

"U-uh, yeah, it is. Nevermind that, though!" Revving back up, Dib threw forward an outstretched finger. It stopped mere centimeters from Zim's eyes, though the alien made no move to flinch from the near obtrusion. "What I was gonna say was how dare YOU still remain in my skool!? My family and I vanquished you, in case you forgot, and your armada didn't get a chance to blow us up! If I were in your shoes, I'd never want to show my face anywhere ever again!"

Expecting some offended outburst, Dib was surprised when Zim wagged a finger and chuckled as if he'd told a joke that was 'just okay'. "Dib, Dib, Dib. You're forgetting a crucial factor here - I WASN'T vanquished. I got what I wanted from that escapade, and you were helpless to stop me." More in line with his usual self, Zim jerked upwards and exclaimed more to the heavens than to anybody else, "How much _emptiness_ you must feel from the loss of your beloved _clown puppy figurine_!! You must be _shattered_ inside! _SHATTERED!!_ "

"Oh, shut up about that! That was just to make yourself feel better, and you know it! ...by the way, could I have that back? It's not _hugely_ important or anything, but now there's more space on the shelf for dust to collect, and I can't really reach it to wipe it off all that well." 

" _NEVER!_ "

Dib growls and shakes his head. Darn, it was worth a shot. "ANYWAY, I know you failed big time, so what's the point continuing on? I think I've proved that you'll never be a match for me, so you should pack your bags and find another planet to infest! It's not like your leaders care either way, right?" 

From the miniscule twitch of Zim's mouth, it appeared Dib had struck a nerve. However, any signs of hesitation were pulled into a large and loud laugh. " _HAHAHA_! Listen to your stupid head, filled with such blatant falsities! What gave you the idea that the Tallest don't care about Zim's mission?" 

"I dunno, the map you showed me and your gross schmoop thing were two dead giveaways, maybe."

"Feh! Those were at a time when Zim was misled! _Yes_ , as it turned out, I wasn't being proactive enough in my mission! All _lesser_ Invaders need only sit around and wait for the Massive to come to them, but not _ZIM_. _No,_ as the single most capable Invader, it should have been clear to me from the start that I would need to go above and beyond to fulfill this task! Moving the _entire planet_ is to be expected when you have the might to pull it off, yes?" 

The alien had adopted a proud beam that showed off his zipper-like teeth. Unless Dib was mistaken, he could've sworn that smile didn't quite reach Zim's eyes. He was too focused on ripping apart that garbage he'd just been verbally handed to fully care, though.

"'Might'? You wouldn't have had that idea if you didn't rip the technology from my dad! Geez, man, learn when to accept defeat!"

" _There is no defeat!_ " Dib had to jump back from Zim's sudden swipe. He wasn't fast enough to avoid having the fork wrenched from his hand, though, and Zim began using it to stab the air around him. "I'm more serious than I've ever been! Zim has proven himself to the cause and regained - nay, received OVERFLOWING respect, and I will continue on my path until I have this dirty ball of soil under my heel once again!" Punctuating this, Zim pointed his utensil directly at Dib's nose. He pulled a customary smirk and added in a lower tone, "Success is all I'll be accepting. Make no mistake there, Dib-loser."

After taking a second to stare cross-eyed at the fork, Dib sighed and regarded Zim with a weary expression. He'd been steeling himself for mockery, yes, but dealing with… _this_ was a bit too pathetic. With a resounding smack, he swatted away the gloved hand in his face and puffed up his chest to make his final statement all the more impactful. "Oh, you'll be accepting success, alright. MY success, when I continue kicking you down at every turn. I don't care how much respect you say you have, it'll NEVER compare to my cold, hard determination." 

The proceeding couple of minutes were spent leaning menacingly forward and grumbling incoherently at Zim, who was returning the favor threefold. Both parties almost missed the ringing of the bell, so focused were they. The only reason Dib made it to class on time at all was Gaz pulling him away by his scruff and refusing to let him rant about his exchange, much to his disappointment. 

________________________

  
  
That, of course, did not stop him from talking her ear off on the walk home.

"...and then, THEN he insisted that was something he alone needed to do because he's just so 'great'," said Dib, making his voice waver on the final word in ridicule. "Gaz, I just know he's lying! Nobody holes up in their room for two weeks after getting a pat on the back from their bosses! Something's fishy, and I'm gonna hook it!"

It looked like Gaz was holding back from (left) hooking her brother, if he'd only spare a moment to glance over at her. "Okay, I get it, the alien hurt your feelings. _Why_ are you still speaking?"

"Just imagine it!" Dib yelled on, his brain having blocked out the annoyed mumbling of his sister. "Zim, with no support from his planet! No outside help, no encouragement, nothing!" He turned his head to grin devilishly at Gaz, the sun making his glasses shine like a particularly smug Eastern cartoon character. "He'll run out of resources, morale, _the will to carry on._ If I hold out just a little longer, I'll have him in a dimly lit cell faster than you can say- Hey!"

The perfectly sane child's face was suddenly without his spectacles. Gaz was holding them as far away as her arm could stretch. "You were blinding me. Also, you sound like an actual serial killer."

"I do NOT!" Dib leapt forward for his glasses, but Gaz's sharp nails bit into his cheek and kept him at bay. "This is a perfect chance, is all I'm saying! Zim can't keep this up forever if he's working alone!"

"You complain all the time about how alone _you_ are, and you don't shut up about never giving up the chance to expose him."

"That's different! Wanting to save people is more motivating than wanting to wipe them all out! Plus, I'm NOT alone! I've got two people to his zilch! ...uh, or three, counting Clembrane? You know what I mean!"

"That's reaching."

"Uugghh, I know Dad's still not there yet, but thanks to him, I've got access to all sorts of gadgetry-"

"No, not him. I meant me not caring."

"Huh? But you help me out a lot! And you're still here right now!"

Gaz considered this for a minute, then shoved Dib backward and walked twice as fast as she had been. She had the kindness to toss the hostage glasses over her shoulder, which landed softly in a patch of weeds that poked up between two slabs of concrete. 

Yelping in alarm, Dib bent over to retrieve his stolen property. Eyesight now restored, he sped after Gaz, brows scrunched in offense. "Hey, wait up! You don't actually mean that, right? Even if you do, which you don't, I'm still gonna carry on! I'll never give it up, never! My time is close at hand, I can FEEL IT!" 

Even when he got no reply, Dib remained undeterred. His mind was whorling with excitement. The way he saw it, he was only a few precise strikes away from having the upper hand. Maybe he'd try to sneak his way into Zim's base soon, tamper with something on the inside that would result in a satisfying explosion. Damage as much as possible and leave no hope of repairs. Where would he get the backup equipment from, after all, Dib internally mused with a delighted chortle. Once he's good and exhausted, the white flag was sure to go up, and finally, **finally** , Dib would secure that glorious victory he'd been chasing for nearly two years.

Oh yes, things were looking up. 

___________________________

  
  
  
At least, they were until evening hit.

Dib had rushed home, barricaded himself in his room, and commenced researching the needed materials for a relatively controlled explosion. Soon enough, his findings told him that he likely couldn't take down Zim's house in such a fashion without potentially damaging the apartment complex that hugged either side of it. Disappointed, but not put off, he began considering the possibility of hacking into the computer network and wreaking havoc through remote control. He could permanently delete all sorts of plans, shut off power to core components, make robo-arms punch holes in _all_ the walls. So much potential! However, this would require some sort of receiver that he'd need to plant deep in the bowls of Zim's lab, and once again, Dib found himself pulling a sour face. 

The act of breaking in and remaining unseen was the easy part - Dib doubted he'd ever feel unsure about that. What was pulling at his insides were these… uncomfortable feelings he'd been having lately. First and foremost, the staggering disappointment of his father's continued disbelief ate at him, especially given just how _involved_ he'd been this go-around. In no order of importance, he'd been held in an alien prison, saw Zim out of disguise, and kept the weird clone/fish guy version of himself... only to insist it was all a weird dream? Sure, Dib was used to this by now, and he could admit that his father trying to change his vocabulary in reference to his interests was nice. Nevertheless, it was taking longer than normal to shake the discomfort of not being believed. It stank.

Obviously, that wasn't the primary reason he held back from bum rushing Zim's base for so long. If anything, under normal circumstances, it'd only push him to try several times as hard. No, what stilled his legs was the sentiment he'd been spouting out at lunch: it really _had_ looked like Zim's alien company wanted nothing to do with Earth. If memory served, they'd been seconds away from blasting it into nothing, treating it like you'd treat a can that was taking up your precious walking space. Wouldn't it make sense to treat conquered land with a teeny bit more care? Keep it intact to, say, build an Irken colony or whatever it was Zim thought was going to happen? 

Dib was certain his hunch was correct, especially given Zim's spell of inaction directly afterwards. He couldn't say for sure if this was a recent development or not - maybe Zim had offended the Tallest somehow? Either way, judging by the show of bravado from lunch, it didn't feel like Zim himself had received the memo. He was here to stay, even if he'd been abandoned by his kind.

Honestly, it made Dib feel a little bad for the poor sap-

_BAM!_

"Nope, not humoring that," Dib groaned after shutting his laptop and bringing it down over his forehead. 

This was an opportunity; he couldn't forget that. On a base level, nothing was actually any different than normal. This was still Zim trying to take over the world, and Dib still couldn't let that happen. He'd catch the alien, prove himself to his dad (and the world, but you know how it is ), and never have to think about how bad he potentially could maybe possibly kind of feel for the poor green sucker if he squinted and lost a few IQ points first. Heck, he was probably only pitying the jerk because he was already feeling down about more important matters! Slippery slope, that schmoopy feeling; Dib would just need to reach his goal ASAP, and he'd feel all better!

"Yeah! Yeah, that's what I'll do! And hey, I didn't say any of that out loud! Nice!" 

Eagerness restored, Dib bounced up from his bed and skipped to his assortment of monitors. If he was to break into Zim's place, he'd need to complete a quick perimeter check first. Gaz had kept him from looking too often over the past couple weeks for fear he'd get all stagnant and stinky again, so a refresher would be-

Hey, why were half of the screens black!?

Dib expected more illumination in his otherwise dark room when he'd pushed the power button, but no, at least half of the wall refused to boot up. He rapidly restarted the system once, twice, thrice. If anything, that made things worse - one by one, the monitors were winking out. 

"What!? No, no no, that can't be right! I mean, maybe I didn't actively replace the cams for a few months, but they were really good quality! That spy 'zine said so!" A few beads of sweat were beginning to condense around his temples. This wasn't good. Now he'd need to order new cameras and waste valuable time switching them with the old ones. Nervously, Dib began gnawing at his nails, eyes darting between the few of his channels that remained online. 

"Great… I wanted to get this over with as soon as I could… unless I want to risk going in blind, or trying to scout in person again? Rrgh, no, need to be more careful going forward, Zim's definitely lost his mind. He might not go as easy on me anymore- hey, wait a second!" 

To the untrained eye, Dib just got startled by another screen darkening. For those that didn't blink and miss it, right before the camera died, a familiar figure had walked into frame brandishing a slingshot, pulled it back, and shot out the transmission with an evil grin. 

"ZIM!" Dib banged a fist against the latest black rectangle in dismay. How had he located all of the secret cameras? They weren't called "secret" for nothing! Whatever, there was no time for these semantics - another camera had just fallen victim to a shattered demise.

"Stop that! Do you know how hard it was to set those up!? I nearly fell out of that tree! Three times!" 

Banging and shouting proved to be ineffectual after Zim repeated his sharpshooting another time or two. With a bitter huff, Dib stood up straight, chin poked outward, and balled his hands into fists. Something more drastic needed to happen to prevent further damage to _his_ property. 

The thing that needed to happen probably wasn't falling down the stairs in a blind hurry, but that's exactly what went down. 

Dib landed unceremoniously at the base of the stairwell, hissing at the rug burn on his palms before staggering to a stand. He made just enough noise to turn the heads of those on the couch, who had been enthralled in the gory wonder of some action flick. Over the sounds of screaming actors, one of the two figures, Gaz, yelled in a relatively light-hearted tone, "Wow, way to do your own stunts, Keanu Reeves. Get over here, we wasted like ten minutes calling for you!"

Clembrane, the other figure, held up a bowl of what looked like popcorn drowning in a sea of dook- er, mud, or anything not related to bodily functions, and smiled his innocent smile. "Huwwy, son, befowe we finish all this dewicious popcown wiff pudding and butter sawt wiffout you! ...doh, I'm just kidding, we would nevew do that, huehuehue!" He patted the open cushion next to him, inviting Dib over with his usual over-enthusiasm. 

Dib cringed at the thought of consuming the contents of that bowl, then shook his head and made a move for the door. "Um, not right now, there's something I need to go check on. Give me eight minutes tops, then I'll-"

Gaz stared blankly at him. She didn't speak, but the disagreement in her silence was enough to make Dib squirm. "Mmm! I swear it's important! I've hung out with you every night all week, eight minutes is barely-"

Still, Gaz stared at him. Unblinking. Unmoving. 

Dib pointed accusingly at her, eyebrows scrunched. "You're the one who said I should talk to him! You should've expected something would happen!"

Gaz stared a moment longer before calmly stating, "I will neither confirm nor deny that. I'm trying to burn this image into my brain before I need to testify against you after you go over to Zim's house and murder him." 

"Huh?!" The man on a mission had been subtly reaching for the doorknob while his sister was talking, but he drew his arm back to hold his hands up in defense. "I only need to gather a few broken cameras, why are you so insistent on me being a maniac all of a sudden?"

Gaz might've responded, but all the talk of Dib potentially committing a crime sent Clembrane into a blubbering rant as to why violence is never the answer, and that communicating is key, and more pacifist jargon that never failed to make Dib wonder just how this lovable guy came from Zim's destructive mind. His flailing drew Gaz's attention away from her brother, which was all the give Dib needed. Without further delay, he threw the door open, yelled, "BebacksoonI'mnotgonnakillanyonedon'tworryaboutit!" and dashed from the walkway to the road. 

Back to the matter at hand. The cameras. No murder here. Unless Zim wouldn't knock off the slingshot business. Dib was legally obligated to strangle him if that went on.

One jog later, the intrepid investigator was hunched behind a trash bin, within earshot of his nemesis' front yard. He'd been about to dash right up to Zim and punt him, but at the last second, he'd reconsidered. With how obvious the pest was being in this display of disrespect, it didn't take much thought to realize that it may be a trap. 

It took Dib being right on top of the base to think of this, but never anyone mind that, he reflected with an embarrassed side eye. 

Floating over from beyond the can, raucous cackling brought Dib's attention back to his current duty - eavesdropping. In typical Zim fashion, there had been a steady stream of announcing every action and intent behind said action. Thus far, all that could be determined was that Zim really, REALLY wanted to annoy the snot out of his rival. He kept taunting the dead cams, calling them inferior technology, gross human incompetence boxes, piles of smelly wires, and so on. There were periods of shuffling and rhythmic humming, which Dib assumed signaled a gibey jig, followed by a **thunk** of another lense being struck. 

Alright. Trap or not, Dib wasn't going to accept this laying down. Er, squatting? Whatever, no more waiting!

Since caution was being thrown to the wind, the ambusher sprang up in a way that sent the trash can clattering to the concrete. He grinned and snickered when it resulted in Zim screaming in alarm, but he retracted that eagerness when he recalled the need to appear threatening. Nobody trashes his stuff and gets a laugh out of it!

"Having fun using _my_ cameras as target practice, Zim?" If one ignored the piles of garbage at his feet, one could call Dib's cross-armed, deep frowned, coat-flapping-in-the-wind look intimidating. 

Once Zim located the source of the horrible noise, he straightened his back and began tossing his slingshot between hands, like he hadn't a care in the world. 

"Hm? Oh, you bet I am, _Dib_. Once I found out where you'd hidden them all, I felt it was my duty to take them out. Remind you how rude it is to invade someone's privacy."

"Oh yeah? How'd you figure out where I hid them, huh? Is that why you were gone for two weeks, you were looking in all the nooks and crannies around your house?"

"Pffft, of course not!" Zim waved the notion off and rolled his eyes. "I could see the monitors in your room from your window. You don't even try to ward off any spying, it's very pathetic." 

Dib's body stiffened. "You… you looked in my room? That would've had to be some time recently, I've only had that set-up around since you hid in the toilet!" He gestured at Zim, taking a deliberate step forward. "You don't care about privacy at all!"

"NOPE!" Noting Dib's slow advance, Zim pulled the slingshot taut and aimed at an unseen target behind his own head. 

"Agh!" Alarmed, Dib cried out and shot forward. He might've made it to Zim in time to wrestle the little rod away from him, but right about when he reached the property line, he… hit a wall. His body rebounded off the air itself, and he landed flat on his back on the street. 

Zim laughed. And laughed. It was almost uncomfortable how humorous he found what just happened. It wasn't until Dib had gotten back onto his feet that he began saying anything of value. 

"Foolish human! You always assume you have free range of Zim's yard! Of Zim's base! Well _no longer will that be!_ " Zim wildly gestured to the immediate vicinity. "Feast your eyes on my latest defense system!"

Dib blinked and attempted to oblige his foe, but just as it had been five seconds ago, there wasn't anything interesting to look at. He shrugged, regarding Zim with a confused look and "uh-mm?".

The lack of understanding was exactly what Zim was looking for, given his widened beam. "Exactly! You see nothing! _Nobody_ can see nothing! ...er, anything." 

"Wait…" Dib crept forward, peering hard at the air directly in front of him. He held out a loose fist and rapped his knuckles against whatever obstacle stood before him. Faint though it was, he could just make out a rippling effect wherever he poked or prodded.

"You…" Dib looked back up at Zim. His face was etched with overwhelming underwhelmed-ness. "Put up a forcefield?"

Zim nodded, tongue sticking out in innocent glee.

"No, really, that's all you did?"

More nodding, accompanied by an affirmative hum. "Pretty genius, right? Now you can't get in, and I don't have to be bothered with proactively keeping you out." Zim curled his hands and leaned forward, continuing on in a low, shaky voice. "Think of all I can accomplish if left undisturbed."

Dib stood in silence, thinking over his enemy's words. Really? Going from lasers and brute strength to an invisible wall? It's like Zim was _asking_ to be vanquished.

"This is your saddest attempt yet, Zim!" Dib kicked at the field, lighting up the spot in shiny waves. "My dad uses force fields all over the place in his lab! I can easily figure out how to switch this off, and when I do, I'm dragging you outta there by your feelers!" 

Defying any discernible laws of biology, Zim's insanely upturned lips turned even higher. He let out one singular laugh before marching toward his front door. Though he didn't say anything else, when his back was turned to Dib, he drew taut the slingshot one final time and shot a large pebble right between the boy's eyes. It struck the field hard enough to leave a spot of color long after the rippling had subsided. 

"Nyah!" Dib jumped back from the impact. A relieved sigh sprang from his lungs after he inspected the circumference of the spot on the wall - that might've left quite a mark. "Thanks a lot, Zim, really saved me from having to get new glasses there," he mumbled sarcastically.

Dib proceeded to strike at the force field for the next five or so minutes. Once he was certain it was actually secure enough that he couldn't destroy it himself, he turned on his heel and began the trek back home. There might be a rain check in order as far as Gaz and Clembrane were concerned; he'd make it up to them soon, but right now, there was a more pressing matter than he'd first thought. If Zim was trying so hard and so openly to keep him out, who knows what exactly he had in mind? How horrible, how diabolical it might be? It made Dib's blood boil just imagining it. 

With fist clenched, Dib snorted and started running. He'd get to the bottom of this, and he'd put a stop to Zim's schemes, either once and for all or just for the time being. 

Not that that mattered much to Dib. In his heart, he knew he'd keep bearing this cross of his for as long as it took. Even if his guess of a quick victory turned out to be wrong, Dib Membrane was no quitter!


	2. Not Exactly Prodigal, Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib suddenly winds up on the stoop of his childhood home after running away two years prior. This only serves to give Gaz a headache.

SEVEN YEARS LATER

This muggy June evening started very ordinarily. Fireflies flickered on and off, providing pleasant dots of natural lighting. Street lights provided the artificial variety, though it was hard to tell, what with the clouds of moths slamming themselves against the glass. A group of children ran around the block, escaping blame from a bundle of fireworks they’d just set off in some elderly neighbor’s yard. To top it all off, the moon shone full and bright, illuminating everything in its silvery veil.

With all this light, the two blinding headlights speeding down the road technically shouldn’t have been anything special. However, the fact that the car in question clumsily pulled into the esteemed Membrane household was exceedingly noteworthy. It wasn’t the familiar computer on wheels driven by the professor himself, nor the dinky purple Charger owned by the young lady of the house.

No, this vehicle - a Volkswagen California Camper held together by industrial tape and crossed fingers - hadn’t been spotted in these parts in a matter of years.

Curious indeed.

The oddity sputtered to a stop, the faint hum of electric guitars and drums coming from the radio dying along with it. The figure behind the wheel took in a breath, rested their head against the wheel, and sat in silence for a moment. They were still for so long that any passerby might have thought they’d only imagined the car having a driver at all. Soon enough, though, there was movement, and the driver’s side door was cautiously swung open.

Out of the front seat slid a lithe, frumpy-looking young man. His head was on a swivel, like he didn’t trust the ground he stepped on to remain solid. Combined with his dark clothes and twitchy fingers, any sane person would assume this individual was on his way to rob the Membranes blind. Fortunately for such people, the supposed miscreant was reaching into his back pocket to retrieve a key to the front door. His eyes, hidden as they were, flickered with a deep-rooted recognition of the place, putting another point in his “probably innocent” column. 

At the head of the walkway, the unidentified figure paused once again. His lips were pressed into a thin line, acting as a trap for his heart that threatened to leap from his throat. Truth be told, he was only vaguely looking forward to trying the lock. His arrival hadn’t been properly announced, as it were, and if anyone were visibly home, he highly doubted he would have gone through with stopping here at all. Whether he had a status of “welcome” or not remained to be seen, after all. Nevertheless, there were things here he needed to grab, and he’d be in and out without a soul knowing about it. 

_No big deal._

“C’mon, I said ‘no big deal’,” grumbled the enigmatic man as the doorknob remained stark still in his grasp. The key halted halfway in the slot, and was refusing to come back out again. As feared, Professor Membrane must have changed the lock at some point, barring entrance from the defeated young man and his useless slab of metal. 

“Shit,” he hissed. The knob got a sound rattling, the door a sharp kick, and the step a swift sitting-upon. The shady figure lifted his hands and rubbed his tired face, trying to calm himself down. All the while, he whispered a mix of more mild obscenities and words of encouragement to himself, disappointment and relief intermingling in sweeps.

“Dammit. Ugh. Well, I guess this means there’s no risk of running into… Guh, but I need my stuff… Dammit, dammit, calm down, we’ll just find somewhere else, I can make do like always… Heeeeelllllll…”

Who knows how long he might’ve sat there had the front door not suddenly flung open to reveal a woman wielding a bat and a flashlight. 

The hooded step-warmer had time only to hum in confusion before a crack of pain sliced through his head. He yelled in alarm and launched forward, landing on his hands and knees. Scrambling away proved ineffective. The bat was brought down across his back thrice in quick succession, startling him so much that he dropped to his belly and covered his head with his arms.

“This look like a crack house to you?! Get off my yard, asshole!”

Eyes closed in fear snapped back open. Wait. He knew that voice. 

Slowly, the man staggered to his feet, keeping his hands raised in a submissive gesture. As he predicted, it didn’t work, as the bat swings kept right on coming. He wasn’t all that bothered anymore - after all, he supposed he deserved it. 

“I said, beat it!” 

The verbal jab made him wince. He knew she was only doing this because she had no idea who the face under the hood was, but his mental steeling of being chased off wasn’t doing him any favors. 

Well, time to see if she’d change her tune after the official reunion.

“Gaz, knock it off! I didn’t think anyone was home!”

Just as suddenly as it had started, the beating screeched to a halt. Unless he was mistaken, Gaz had gasped quietly in… surprise? Disgust? There was no time to decide - he was grabbed by the shoulder and spun around in an instant. His vision exploded in white light, leaving his pupils scrambling to adjust. 

“Oh my God…”

Genuine surprise, it must have been. Had Gaz still been angry, the increasingly less mysterious figure assumed he’d be more of a pulp by now. Going off of this assumption, he quickly reached a hand up, grabbed his hood, and yanked it down. 

Familiar amber eyes crinkled upward via a familiar crooked smile, from behind familiar rounded lenses. Familiar black locks, a bit longer than usual, framed the familiar doofy face. A quick glance at the nape of the man’s neck revealed a _very_ familiar oversized cowlick, pushed down by a beanie colored a familiar dark blue.

“Heh, hey, Gaz. I swear, I’m not here to get any drugs.” 

Repetition help us, the mysterious guy was none other than-

“Dib.”

Gaz, still shining the flashlight into Dib’s eyes, deadpanned almost immediately. She would eventually invite her brother inside, but first, she delivered a few more home runs to his sternum.

____________

  
  


Sprawled on the living room floor, Dib was miserably rubbing his chest. He'd been dragged indoors by the drawstrings of his hoodie and thrown against no less than three walls before finally being dumped onto the carpet. Not exactly a good opportunity to recover from having the breath pummeled out of him with an aluminum bat, if the continued throbbing of his breastbone and cranium was any indication.

His sister stood rigidly across the room. Her arms were folded, back parallel to the wall. She'd made no move to help him up, or to do anything to ease his suffering, for that matter. Once again, Dib couldn't exactly blame her. If anything, it was almost comforting to see that Gaz hadn't changed much since the last time they'd seen each other. 

This sentiment deflated when he made a move to sit on the couch and was met with a sharp tutting noise.

"What?" Dib frowned and pointed at his designated seat. "Am I grounded to the floor? I've been sitting on hard leather for almost two days! Can't I use the furniture for five minutes?"

"Not my fault you went out of your way to switch out the seats in your car to match your 'aesthetic'," Gaz shot back with sarcastic air quotes.

Offense creased Dib's eyebrows. "Hey! Leather's still cool! It's also way easier to clean! You know how much food I spilled in that thing? The ratio of that to the actual stains on the seats is-"

"Tch." The stoic girl turned her head away. "Dork."

Dib bowed his head in momentary defeat, though his face softened from the tamer tease. "That's a funny way of saying 'good thinking'." 

Another moment of silence passed, less uncomfortable this time around. While Gaz shuffled from foot to foot, Dib let his gaze wander around the living room. Hardly a thing had changed - same furniture, wallpaper, knick knacks, the whole nine yards. It was as though he'd only been gone a night or two, as he often did when he was younger with his weekend outings to wooded paranormal hotspots-

Dib frowned pointedly and shoved his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Begone, sentimental emotions, now wasn't the time. 

Fortunately for him, Gaz was there to swat away those pesky reminiscences like flies. Without turning back, she coldly asked, "So, this is why you asked me if Dad was busy a couple weeks ago? You wanted to slink back here to ask for something?" Suspiciously, she cracked an eye open and leaned her head to the side. "What, you run outta cash?"

"No!" Dib squawked, a little too quickly. "No, God, I'm not here to mooch off you guys. I just, uh… you said my room was left alone, right?" He shifted his hand to the back of his head and nervously ruffled his shaggy hair. There was already a poignant lack of eye contact, but now it was particularly difficult for him to look up from the floor. 

Silence, then a brief "mm-hm".

"Huh… cool, cool." Hesitant tongue click, restless tapping of fingers. "I, mmph..."

"Missed your crappy posters you made like ten years ago?" 

" _Noooooo_ ," he whined, turning sharply to glare at Gaz. "Don't get me wrong, I'm still proud of those, but I could do _so_ much better if I wanted to! There's dollar stores all over the place, I can get construction paper-"

"Oh my God, you still get worked up over nothing. I was kidding, genius." 

Shoulders sagged, and a wave of heated shame washed over the big kid's face. It wasn't his fault that nobody understood his artistic genius! He'd worked long and hard on that spaceship drawing, thank her very much!

Indignation aside, Dib glowered and pointed toward the accusatory gal by the wall. "Let me finish my sentence, then I'll stop getting worked up!"

Gaz remained unmoved by her brother's rise in volume. "Have a complete sentence worth saying before I promise anything."

An embarrassed growl was all she got for a spell. Then, in a more subdued manner, Dib replied, "Fine. I needed to see if any of my old tech was still here. Also, uh, clothes. Clothes would be good."

That appeared to catch Gaz's attention. Her fingers unclenched from her forearms, and she chanced a peek at the heap of dishevelment on the floor. "It took you two years to remember that you need to change your underwear? That's disgusting."

"Ha ha," Dib drawled with flattened eyelids. "I've had spare clothes all this time, believe it or not. They were… recently damaged, is all. Some of my equipment, too. Figured I'd drop by and rid you two of some of my remnants, you know?"

The malice in his final words wasn't lost on Gaz. Her fingers clamped back onto her arms, and she faced Dib with a stony glare. "Sounds about right. It _was_ your idea to rid us of yourself, may as well finish the job."

Dib winced briefly, but the determined set of his brow remained intact. "Hey, I'm genuinely shocked Dad didn't throw any of my computers out. They're so full of _nonsense_ and _lunacy_ and all that bullshit." Before he could get a reply, he shook his head and rushed out his next words. "Anyway, forget that, that's what I came here for. I'll be out of here in twenty minutes, thirty tops."

Another spell of silence fell over the room. It was hard to say what Gaz was thinking as she studied her brother's face, but after she had said nothing for fifteen seconds, Dib began preparing himself to be thrown out of the house hog-tied in his hoodie.

"...what happened to your other stuff?"

The tension in Dib's shoulders temporarily eased. Okay, excellent, there was curiosity to be quenched. That could earn him enough time to accomplish his initial objective. Consequently, that also means he would have to answer the question. Not excellent.

"Uhh… " Tensed up once again, Dib averted his eyes and drew his knees up to his chest. "Well, see… I kinda had… a place I was staying. That place, it… burned down a couple weeks ago."

"Thought you told me you'd been staying in your car."

Soft growling, then tighter hugging of knees. 

"Yeah, of course I did. If I wasn't vague, Dad might've tried tracking me or something. I even made sure to drive a couple towns over any time I tried contacting you, just so he couldn't locate my phone or anything."

"You didn't think your car was bugged? Your paranoia must be busted."

"Nah, swept the whole thing over twice daily."

Scoff, then a forceful lean against the wall.

"You really think Dad would've gone across the country just to drag you back here? He threw himself even further into his work, in case you forgot." 

"Could've easily gotten someone else to do it. He's gotten such a monopoly on _science_ _itself_ that anybody with a STEM degree may as well be working for him. I can't be sure WHAT he's capable of, Gaz." Dib further narrowed his eyes and stole a glance at the far wall. "That's why I left, _in case you forgot_ ," he added with a snarky wiggle.

Gaz huffed angrily and slammed a fist against the wall, rattling any nearby picture frames. "Actually, **nobody** told me why you left. You **and** Dad kept it **annoyingly** hush-hush. I figured it was because you were always a selfish brat who wanted to run off and chase fairytales, but please, do correct me if I'm wrong."

"Fuck off with that!" This conversation was going to hell. Dib hadn't risked showing up in his hometown just to be chewed out by his younger sibling, who had no _idea_ what he'd had to go through to get to this point in life. If he let her keep talking, he knew he'd only get angry from the pain of freshly ripped open wounds; this had to get back on topic right away. 

"What'd you just say?" Gaz had stepped forward, both eyes cracked open in a menacing display of subdued rage. 

Oh dear, Dib needed to depressurize things immediately. 

Now on his feet, the dead man walking heaved a great sigh and waved both hands, signalling for a ceasefire. "Listen! I don't want to get into it right now! Please, just let me get my things, then you'll be allowed to throw me out! Deal?"

Gaz slowed her forward march. None of the anger left her expression, and when she came to stand centimeters away from Dib, he subtly clenched up and closed his eyes. Maybe if he imagined hard enough, he'd be able to pretend the impending slap or punch wouldn't hurt too badly. 

Tick, tock, tick tock. Nothing happened, aside from the clock throwing in its two cents. 

Then…

A soft sigh, followed by the sound of feet quickly shuffling backwards.

"You're not going anywhere. Stay the night, at least."

Dib's eyes threw themselves back open. Had he heard her right? Did his face still feel normal and not like it had been united with a cement slab?

"S...stay the night?"

Gaz shrugged, like it was only common sense. "Well, yeah. If I know you, you probably _were_ on the road for two days straight. You might die if you do that again immediately." She turned on her heel, now heading toward the stairwell that led up to her room. "And God knows there are quite a few people who want the pleasure of killing you themselves. Letting an auto accident do it wouldn't be fair."

That remark might've fired Dib up, but presently, his mind was ping-ponging between running to his room, or bolting out the door again. He was unsurprised by the knowledge of Gaz's continued obliviousness, to be sure. By his calculations, that should have incited more of a conflict. She saw him as some kind of irresponsible bum, by the sound of it - barring any excuses of "safety concerns", why _would_ she let him stay?

By the time Gaz had reached the top of the steps, realization jolted through him like electricity through a kite. Now on high alert, Dib whirled around and jabbed his finger upward, exclaiming to grab his sister's attention. "Wait! That can't be it! Be honest, Dad's not actually busy, is he? What, did he tell you to trick me into thinking it's safe to-"

"Dib." She'd almost rounded the corner, but the last-minute ravings made Gaz stop and shoot a mild reproof down at the madman. "He's away on a business trip. Won't be back for another two weeks at least. Stop freaking out."

All the vigor fled from Dib's form. It'd be easy for that statement to be a lie, but for the time being, he'd bite back any further doubt. Too much prodding, and he likely WOULD get sold out as punishment. 

" 'Atta boy," continued Gaz in a more neutral tone. "Now, go take a shower. You smell like you dumpster dove in every state you passed through."

"Mm?" Dib bent his neck and brought a pinch of fabric up to his nose. The whiff he took wasn't pleasant, but he couldn't equate it to the hyperbole he'd been presented with. Scoffing quietly, he folded his arms and called back up the stairs, "You and smelling me, I tell ya. Bet you were holding that comment in the whole time, huh?" 

"Hey, it's the main reason I even knew you were at the door. I took the trash out a few hours ago, and I don't think it had enough time to sit around and get rancid enough to mutate legs and come crawling back to me."

A good-natured pout puckered Dib's lips. "Aw, fine, whatever, it's mostly the clothes issue, anyway. I didn't have many chances to wash this outfit without, I dunno, sneaking into someone's yard and bumming their hose- hey, wait, where are you going? Do you wanna catch up some after I'm done in the bathroom?" It finally occurred to him that Gaz had been making to go back to her room. She'd always been antisocial, but didn't a visit from her long-lost sibling garner a little more consideration than that? 

"I'm busy. We can talk tomorrow morning," came Gaz's sharp reply. 

Dib took a minute to inspect her - rumpled graphic tee, boxer shorts, lazy ponytail. Call him crazy, but that screamed "casual Friday", not "do not disturb, I'm performing feats of colossal importance".

"You don't… _look_ busy," he mused with a crooked finger.

"I will be when I need to explain why I left my lane unguarded," Gaz huffed while turning away and resuming her travel to her inner sanctum.

"You're still playing League of Legends? I thought you said it was one of the most toxic communities you'd ever been in!" Dib yelled through cupped hands. 

"It is! Arguing with incels with God complexes is what makes things fun!" A door slammed closed, and that was the end of that. 

Dib was left standing in the dark, alone once again. With Gaz no longer there to distract him, his eyes once again roamed around the room. A minute later, a great shudder ran up his spine, and he bounded forward to climb up to the second floor and its much-needed bathroom.

Dib didn't need to be a paranormal enthusiast to be wary of the ghosts that lingered in this house. Maybe he could scare them off with some offkey singing in the shower.

  
  


________________

  
  


The kitchen light flicked on after hours of disuse. During these long, lonely summer days, Gaz would usually raid the fridge once in the morning, then rely on snack stockpiles throughout her bedroom for sustenance thereafter. However, today proved to be less lonely than usual - stressful, even - and a change in habits felt necessary. A few chugs of some hard lemonade she'd stolen from the local mart ought to calm her nerves. 

Gaz plucked the six pack from its place in the refrigerator, pried a bottle from the cardboard box, and ripped off the cap with her teeth. Before she'd even sat down, one third of the beverage had been felled. When she made it to a chair, she lifted her feet up onto the table and pushed back, balancing on two wooden legs. Backwards went her head, and down the hatch went another gulp of lemonade.

So. Dib was back.

Gaz had scarcely recognized that tattered man she'd pulled through the threshold. Dib had never been a pinnacle of being well put together, but at least he'd tried to avoid wearing holes tied together with bits of fabric. It made his claim of having a place to stay all this time questionable at best, or laughable at worst. 

Wait. Scratch that. Dib's always had trouble staying out of scrapes, of course he'd look disheveled no matter what, Gaz thought with a snort. 

The chair began rocking back and forth as Gaz lost herself to the flood of questions. Why now? What had truly brought her brother back home? Had there actually been a fire? Moreover, would he go back to this unknown place after collecting his last remaining belongings?

Another swig, and a grimace bloomed. Now that she thought about it, Dib hadn't been eager to explain anything about this past abode - had _he_ accidentally burned the place down? Was he skipping town to avoid getting in trouble? If he _really_ wasn't here for money, didn't that mean he could buy new things elsewhere and avoid this place like he'd been so keen on doing all this time? 

The more Gaz pondered, the more irritated she got. Two years of near complete radio silence will do that to a person, she mused with grit teeth.

Maybe she'd try interrogating him more in the morning. She might have done so after rage quitting her League session, but Dib had been passed out on his old bed, dripping water all over the dusty blankets. That might have been for the better - he'd been shrieking unintelligible pop lyrics while he was bathing, and if there was one thing Gaz hadn't missed, it was that particular habit. 

Her legs slid from the table when she looked down and noticed her bottle had been emptied. One down, at least three to go. 

Once she'd walked back to the counter and grabbed the box of tipsy diabetes, Gaz moved her feels session to the sofa. At least here she wouldn't be tempted to tilt back and end up splitting her head open (though that _would_ be an easier issue to deal with). The box was plunked onto the floor, and Gaz face planted into the cushions.

Now, where was she?

Oh, yes, more questions.

What if this was the last time he'd ever stop by? Whatever drove him off must have been severe, and Dib had always been stubborn. However, what if she could somehow convince him to stay long enough to work things out with-

Her face mushed deeply into the arm of the couch. No. That was entirely wishful thinking, and Gaz knew it. Any hope for family unity had been dashed the day Dib drove off out of the blue. Honestly, what had gotten into her? She was thinking like a child.

If the universe could grant her a reprieve from all these stupid emotions, Gaz would welcome it with open arms.

Fortunately, the universe was feeling generous. Seconds after asking, Gaz received a phone call.

Thank absolute fuck.

She peeled herself off the sofa and squinted at the screen of her phone. The number she saw made her eyes open in mild surprise. Maybe the universe wasn't so gracious after all.

_He_ was the last person she'd expect to speak to. Talk about great (terrible?) timing. 

Gaz cleared her throat and reached for the cellphone. She let it ring a time more before sliding the answer button and bringing the device up to her ear.

"Don't tell me you still have the surveillance system up," she grumbled into the receiver. 

The other end rattled with various mechanical noises. The voice sounded suspicious of Gaz's accusation.

"Uh, no reason. You just called at a weirdly specific time."

…?

"I'm not hiding anything. You'd only assume that if you knew something."

…!

"I knew it. Didn't I tell you to turn the cameras off? You don't need to constantly be on lookout." Gaz ran a hand through her hair. Wonderful. He knew that Dib was here.

…! …!!

"What? I thought you said you'd be gone for- ...no, I'm not sure he'd want to see you. He didn't want to see anyone, he said as much himself."

!!!!!!

Gaz held the phone away from her ear, looking royally pissed. "Hey, don't take it out on me! I don't know! I'm still shocked he agreed to stay one night!" 

,,,

"Sigh," she said with a dramatic flair. Hesitantly, the phone was brought back to her ear. Gaz sat up straight against the couch, crossing her legs impatiently. "Well, again, I doubt he wants to be bothered, and I know I don't feel like handling whatever drama he might've had with you. It shouldn't be up to me to mediate things when nobody gave me the full story."

…!? … …!!

Gaz growled and threw a hand up in the air. "No! Weren't you listening? I said don't come here! He'll probably run off like a scared little rodent!"

_!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

"Ugggghhhh," Gaz spun her body one hundred and eighty degrees to lay in defeat on the floor. "Okay, okay, God. At least wait until afternoon, I haven't had much chance to talk to him. Am I allowed to catch up with my own idiot brother, huh? That okay?"

…~ 

"Gee, thanks. Where are you, anyway?"

…

"That far? Can you even get here that quickly?"

…! …!~

Gaz's face fell into a deadened acceptance. "Oh, how silly of me, how could I forget your technical brilliance? Distance is but a game of tiddlywinks to you."

…?

"Nevermind. Don't break the sound barrier too much, got it? I've already got a headache that'll last all summer from the sudden hospitality I've got to provide. Dib might burst into tears if he's not coddled to hell and back. Looked like he was in prison just sitting in here a couple hours ago, the poor bastard."

…

"Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna hang up now. Remember, **don't come too early**. If he leaves because of you, I'll-"

…!? -...<3

Gaz's face twisted in embarrassment. "Uhh… sure, Ly2, now let me hang up."

The connection ended. Soon after, the phone was hurled across the room.

Peachy. A full house.

_______________

With a start, Dib awoke from his minor coma. His first thought was to wonder why his limbs weren't creaking with every move. Soon enough, the feeling of cushy give beneath his body brought back the last thing he remembered doing: diving into his bed while trying not to make eye contact with any of the decorations on the walls.

Right, he was at his old house.

Slowly, Dib pushed himself to a squat on the edge of the bed. His head remained down, eyes locked onto the floor. Whether that was his own doing, or the weight of the air in the room, he couldn't say. What he did know was that digging through things to grab what he needed was going to be more difficult than he'd bargained for. 

Worse yet, he'd need to start off with picking out an outfit. His black hoodie and sweatpants combo was in a discarded heap on the bathroom floor, and he couldn't recall if his taste in fashion withstood the test of time. Wearily, Dib stood up and eyed his old dresser. Time to find out, he cheerlessly thought.

It took several minutes of rummaging and warding away intrusive memories, but eventually, Dib found acceptable garments to parade around in. The neon green alien graphic tee had been a no-brainer, but finding any pants that weren't too tight or too black had been a challenge. Fortunately, he'd had exactly one pair of cargo pants hanging in his closet. Thank goodness for his sister's past advice.

Dib perked up. Oh yeah, Gaz had promised to talk with him! After months and months of careful communication, letting her in on some of his misadventures was sure to be exciting! Even if he couldn't say everything he wanted, one morning of shooting the breeze like old times might help satiate his guilt!

After a quick pitstop to the restroom to pull most of his hair into a loose ponytail, Dib made his way downstairs. Unless he was mistaken, the unmistakable scent of bacon wafted from the kitchen, which only hastened his descent. Lo and behold, once he'd gotten through the doorway, he found Gaz stationed by the stove, wielding a spatula. 

"Gaz!" He called out, waltzing into the room with a grateful smile. "Aw, you didn't have to make me breakfast!"

"I'm not. This is mine. You want some, either make it yourself, or beg hard enough to make me pity you." Gaz shifted on her heel to look at Dib. One would need to know Gaz extremely well to pick it up, but the edges of her downturned eyes softened at the sight in front of her. Ignore the lightning-bolt shape his cowlick had taken with age, and Dib almost looked like nothing had changed at all. 

Ignoring any hints of sentimentality, Dib scoffed and lazily made his way to the dining table. "Don't think you can fool me. You totally care about my well-being." He pulled out a chair, leaned down into it, and smugly crossed his arms behind his head. "Hunger could distract me from driving properly, and you said you don't want me dead in a ditch, right?"

Back came the hardness in Gaz's face. "I never said that." She turned back to her post, tilting the spatula to adjust the sizzling pieces of meat. To Dib's amusement, she proceeded to reach into a nearby plastic bag and retrieve a few extra strips for the pan.

"Heh heh, I thought so." Dib chuckled, then balanced his seat back until the chair stood propped on two legs. For a minute, silence dominated the air. Dib angled his head back, eyes closed, letting the snap of grease take over his mind space. 

Another minute passed.

Then another.

Timidly, Dib chanced a peep at Gaz, who hadn't moved from her position. This should've been around the time that she started asking him questions, springing a conversation to life, but she'd only sniffed and stood still as a statue. Now anxiously jiggling the chair, it occurred to him that _he_ would have to be the one to talk first. What was once an exciting prospect now made him feel utterly queasy. After all, to avoid seeming rude, he'd have to ask about how things were for _her_ first. 

Considering who she still lived with, this had the potential to crash and burn almost instantly. 

Be that as it may, getting out of his own head was the more appealing option, so Dib took a deep breath and slowly implored, "Soooooo… how's life?"

Back still turned to him, Gaz humorlessly responded, "It's an existence. Still here, still dealing with the pain of living in a society. At least I can legally buy fireworks and use a meat slicer now."

"Oh, yeah. Eh, happy belated birthday." 

Gaz nodded once in acknowledgement. Another brief spell of silence, then Dib ran his hand over his head and tried again. "How'd graduation go? Bet you blew everyone away with your valedictorian speech."

"Oh yeah, totally. They ate every plagiarized word right up." Without straying far from the stove, Gaz placed a hand over her heart and shifted to a swoony stance. "What an amazing four years we had! Skool was just _soooo_ great! Now go out into the world and prove how great it was! Isn't life just _great?_ " As a cherry on top, the proud skool patriot forced her lips into a horrifying grimace, mimicking the smiles plastered on various propaganda pieces throughout those hallowed halls.

Dib laughed lightly, nodding along with his sister's mocking tone. "Just how I remember it. That place was so shitty, it's like they were trying to convince _themselves_ that everything was okay more than us." More at ease, he made a cutting motion across his throat and added, "You decapitate anybody with your cap like you said you would?"

"Pssh, no," Gaz said with a note of regret. "All I managed was a nasty welt on Sam's head. Asshole had it coming after his constant dribble spilling in biology." She clenched her fist in the air, clearly proud of herself. "I warned him, but he refused to heed it."

Dib nodded proudly, offering a finger gun of approval. "That's the Membrane way - weaponized pettiness." As soon as he'd finished, a wave of concern washed over his features. He didn't aim to bring this up so quickly, but all this talk of an important life achievement piqued his curiosity. 

"Uh…" His eyes darted away. "Speaking of 'Membrane'... The ceremony, did D-"

"Yes, Dib. Dad showed up." All pleasantries had left her voice. Dib shrank in surprise, but returned to full form when Gaz added in a bitter tone, "He was the surprise special guest speaker, so he kind of had to."

"Oh." Dib gently lowered his chair back to all fours. There was something more implied in Gaz's voice, and Dib's curiosity wouldn't let whatever it was go without exploration. Cautiously, the chair was pushed back, and the older boy rose to a guarded stand. "He put on a show like usual?"

Her response was delayed, but Gaz retorted with just as much malice as before. "Yup. Verbally sucked the dick of each and every pioneer of science so hard, I'm surprised they let kids into the stadium." As if to distract herself from the thought, Gaz suddenly began scraping the bacon onto a napkin-plastered plate. "Made a big deal of me being good at following directions and keeping my mouth for my entire childhood, then went on about this generation having the capabilities to truly better mankind, whatever that means."

"Hmm." All of that sounded about right. There was just one more detail Dib needed to confirm. "What about when the cameras went away?"

Silence.

"Gaz?"

Sharply, Gaz left the stove and strode over to the fridge. She kept quiet while noisily opening the door, jostling the inner contents, and pulling out a carton of eggs. It wasn't until she'd returned to the pan and begun cracking open a few of the little white ovals before she rumbled back, "There's pictures of us together in my phone. He stayed the _whole_ time, Dib. Unlike you, he was actually _there_."

The accusation made Dib jump. Instinctively, he shook his head and pointed an especially loud finger at Gaz. "Hey, don't turn this around on me! I was only asking because he has a track record of flaking out of things we do!" He angled his backside so that he was sitting on the table, crossing his arms and looking away with a miffed pout. "I would've watched the live stream, but there wasn't enough signal in the section of the woods I was camped out in."

"'Camped out'? 'Woods'?" 

This discovery sparked an ungodly reaction. Quicker than the eye could catch, Gaz spun on her heel and pointed her spatula at Dib's face, sending a piping hot egg flying. Dib narrowly avoided it, but his sidestepping got him trapped in a familiar ring of fire. Oh dear, it seemed Gaz hadn't lost her touch of supernatural anger. 

"So you _have_ just been out chasing monsters! Admit it, your stuff's in perfect shape! You just wanted to come back here and start something!"

"Agh!" Completely blindsided by the assault, Dib raised his hands and stood stiff as a board. "No, really, I tried for hours to get a good connection! If that laptop hadn't gotten destroyed in the fire, I probably would have thrown it out soon! It can't hold a signal for anything!"

"Peh! I still doubt you even _had_ a place! Or, hell, maybe you did, but you burned it down to get rid of any evidence that you were there!" Forebodingly, Gaz took a step forward, utensil still in hand. "Out with it! Where were you? Why did you run away?!"

Dib deeply scowled. Suddenly, all the excitement of filling Gaz in on the past couple of years rushed from his body like a tidal wave. There was only so much he could give up, and it appeared Gaz wanted every last bit of information there was. 

How unfortunate.

To calm the situation, Dib flailed his arms and stepped over the shallow flames on the floor. "Whoa, whoa! Time out, Gaz! Put the spatula down, then I'll at least tell you the basics of what I've been up to, deal?"

"Not good enough!" Gaz inched forward, until the blade of the spatula stabbed uncomfortably into Dib's bruised breastbone. "Tell me everything." Gaz stood on her tiptoes, trying to meet Dib's eyes on his level. "If you think Dad's so awful, be the better man and be _honest with me_."

Dib bit hard into his bottom lip. He may be in the middle of the room, but right now, he was backed into one hell of a corner. 

The loud rapping at the door acted as a wrecking ball.

"Huh!?" Dib whirled around, eyes wide and mouth agape. Defensively, he shot behind Gaz and stooped down, peering over her shoulder. "Are you expecting company?!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," came Gaz's annoyed reply. "I _told_ him not to show up so early. Look at you, you're probably going to jump out the window now, right?"

"'Him'? Who…" Once again, realization hit Dib like a truck. He jumped away from his sister, hurt lacing his voice as he said, "You told Dad I was here!? Gaz, how could you!?"

Gaz groaned long and loud, handing Dib her spatula before slowly trudging toward the living room. "Well, at least I didn't hear any sonic booms. Maybe he does occasionally listen to what he's told."

Dib stared in disbelief at his sister's retreating form. How was she being so calm about this!? She'd ratted him out! Now their father was going to burst into the house, and… and… Dib wasn't sure what would happen, but he wasn't keen on finding out!

He would've made good on Gaz's suggestion of wriggling through the small window above the sink. However, his reflexes were needed elsewhere- a small blur of metal and yelling had launched itself at him almost as soon as Gaz opened the front door. 

"Nyagh!" Without thinking, Dib launched his hand forward and grabbed. Eyes closed in anticipation, he was pleasantly surprised to realize that he'd stopped the assaulter by the throat. One eye opened, then another; both were soon filled with fond recognition. 

Dib chortled softly, then sighed and smirked complacently at the struggling Irken in his hold. 

"Hey, Zim."

  
____________________

Trailing behind his master, GIR came waddling inside the house. He stopped, looked up at the frowning Gaz, and began wildly hopping in place. 

"Gaz! Gaaaaz! Did you hear me on the phone!? Huh!? You hear me on the phoooone!?"

Gaz sighed, crossing her arms and looking away. "Yeah, I heard you. Ly2, remember?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, kids - they grow up so fast.
> 
> Thanks for reading up to this point!  
> My Tumblr:  
> \- [My Tumblr](https://canada-maplehockey.tumblr.com)  
> 


	3. Thanks For the Memories, Even if They're Obviously Expositional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim stopped by for breakfast. Dib ends up getting overwhelmed by all the noise.

_SCREE_

_NOM_

_CHOMPMMRPHMRMRR_

Only ten minutes into Zim's arrival, and Dib sorely missed the threat of death he'd faced beforehand. Being six feet under _had_ to be more pleasant than his current predicament. After biting the shit out of his hand, Zim began demanding he be fed so as to have the energy to continue yelling. In a surprising turn of events, Gaz produced a box of Eggo waffles from the freezer, like she'd done it a million times before. Now, the hangry alien was seated at Dib's left, scarfing down a mountain of syrupy, chocolatey, whipped creamy waffles. Both he and Gaz were shooting daggers at Dib, though Zim spiced things up with disgruntled muttering and grunting through each bite.

Also, Dib had to hold GIR back with one hand, lest he lose his bacon. That was probably the least concerning part, even if strange robo-drool was getting into Dib's bite wounds. 

This picture perfect meal went on in forced non-communication for quite some time. At first, Dib had tried to get a word in, only for Zim to angrily gnash his teeth and drown him out with squishy, moody barks. A pleaful glance at Gaz earned him a soft huff and nose in the air. His moment of distraction gave GIR an opportunity to leap up for the unattended plate - Dib barely managed to swat him back down. When the puppy flattened against the linoleum with a "squeak" and burst back to a stand in three seconds flat, Dib decided to just leave everything be and finish his food.

"GAZ-HUMAN!" Out of the blue, Zim thundered out through a mouthful of his breakfast confectionery. A blob of it sailed out and smacked against Dib's cheek, making him wince. "The plate is visible once again! Zim demands you prepare more waffles!"

"Pfft, hell no." Gaz remained motionless in her seat, fork drifting aimlessly through her eggs.

"My continued hunger should be of no negotiation! I command you to bring me more nourishment!" Another glob flew out and joined the first on Dib's face. His expression grew ever more disgusted.

"There's only one box left. If I give you an inch, you'll take a mile and want more. Then you'll get pissy because there's no more left, and then I'll have to throw you out by the intestines for being a greedy and noisy fool."

"Ridiculous! Zim knows his own limits! RELINQUISH THE OVUM WAFFLES!" Zim raised both fists and notably warbled his final sentence. Doing so sent a reasonably large ball of waffle glop right at Dib's cheek. It collided with a fleshy "thwack", to Dib's disdain.

"Ugh, God, Zim, say it, don't spray it," moaned Dib, wiping the mess from his cheekbone with his knuckles. 

"The only spraying that will occur is your viscera against the walls if you don't remain absolutely silent!" A clawed hand pointed inches from Dib's nose. "I will decide when you run that filthy lie chasm! You relinquished your right to speech the moment I reentered the atmosphere!" 

Dib's face dropped to an exaggerated frown. He complied, but only after Zim's hard stare proved to be too intense to argue against.

GIR slowly floated up and slurped the waffle glop from Dib's hand while he wasn't paying attention, but this remained uncommented upon.

And so it continued - Dib glumly picking at his breakfast while Zim and Gaz argued over Zim's "universe bestowed right to as much or little food as Zim feels he needs".

He finished long before a resolution was reached, and when another plate of tooth-rotting goodness was served, he sighed heavily and rested his chin in his hand. With nothing better to do, Dib decided to study the gluttonous alien, as unappealing as it currently was to do so (was Zim unhinging his jaw for this? ).

Nothing much was different in the way of physical appearance. Zim remained steadfast in his way of dress, and his apparent snail's paced aging process left his face and stature identical to what it had always been. The only indication that time had passed was hidden in Zim's "hair". Dib had to search for a minute, but he soon spotted a black-and-white feather decoration adorning the Irken's right temple, nestled between three similar ones he recognized from several years ago.

Dib had to bite back a snicker. Oh, God. He'd never removed those hideous things. 

It brought Dib back about four years, when he and Zim had been in tenth grade together. By then, he'd already convinced the alien to don a shaggy hairstyle reminiscent of a lead singer of an emo band for "popularity reasons". When it actually stuck, Dib pushed a bit further, joking that the false hair stripes were "a symbol of a noble bygone era" and that only the most socially intelligent people would continue proudly flaunting them. 

He'd nearly lost his shit when Zim showed up the next day with three of them, ranging from red to purple to blue. Hell, he was close to losing his shit now, and there was only one extra streak.

It was funny, really, how positively Dib found himself still feeling about the voracious pipsqueak by his side. Before his sudden departure, the two had spent twice as long actively threatening the other's existence as they had coexisting somewhat peacefully. Even the "peaceful" years were dotted with attempts at the Earth and dozens of arguments a day. In Dib's opinion, they'd at least been _comfortable_ acts of hatred. Zim certainly tried to kill him less - their duels resulted more in restraining than maiming after a while. 

Continued conflict notwithstanding, at the time, Dib couldn't help but feel his dislike gradually wane. For one, it was obvious he would always come out on top, so the excuse of fearing for Earth's safety lost its merit. ( There was also the issue of the armada not caring, but nevermind that. ) Exposing Zim as an alien might've still tempted him, but the longer humanity saw him as one of their own, the harder it would be to convince them otherwise. Oh well, he'd decided, there was no short supply of other paranormal entities to unmask. At least Zim was amusing to be around, and he saw Dib as the intellectual he so rightly deserved to be seen as. Plus, he was a magnet for otherworldly visitors - one day, he'd nab one of those as the proof he needed!

At least, that was the plan before-

_No, don't go there. There's_ _enough headache fuel on either side of you_ , Dib silently reprimanded himself. 

With a subtle nail bite, Dib's mind began to wander further along the memory trail. Anyway, what exactly was Zim so pissed off about? The threat to his "mission" had been absent, but the world seemed untouched. Had he been waiting for the opposition to come back? A horrible decision, yes, but not unlike Zim at all. He craved challenge - an easy victory was no victory at all. Maybe he was upset that it had taken too long for the stalemate to resume?

Perhaps, but an overanalyzer forced into silence is rarely content with the first conclusion he comes to.

Dib bit harder at his nail as he went deeper into the mental rabbit hole. What other reason could there be? Had he finally come to terms with the reality of his mission and was angry with Dib for not properly relaying the memo? Probable, given his auditory issues, but at the same time, Zim was _far_ too stubborn to accept such a thing. Okay, maybe it was him being crabby about his current trip being cut short? Well, it wasn't Dib's fault Zim decided to speed back to Earth as soon as he realized he was back. 

But again… why _had_ he sped back? 

Had Zim… genuinely missed him or something?

A snort threatened to rip through Dib's chest. Now _there_ was a complicated answer. As he'd just recalled, Zim needed a counterbalance against his own force. Any enjoyment he exuded during their time together was likely to be seen during a competition of some sort: spars involving alien species or technology, school assignments, video games, eventual expeditions to previously mentioned paranormal hotspots to see who could draw out the creature first. Beating Dib to the punch was one of Zim's favorite pastimes. 

Additionally, as the invader so loved to bring up, his kind didn't dabble much in the art of emotional bonds. Dib wasn't sure how well he believed that, given Zim's potent bond to his mechanical sidekicks, but as far as living creatures went, it didn't seem all that far-fetched. Anything that wasn't rivalry or destruction related either confused him or filled him with audible nausea. 

But, then, why…

_"Hey, are those tears? What, did the guilt of your imminent betrayal get to you that badly?"_

_"Get off my fucking car!"_

_"Normally I would, given your less than savory display of emotion, but… seriously, why are you crying? Ehm, we could… talk about it?"_

_"No! Leave me alone, dammit! You wouldn't care!"_

_"Maybe, maybe not, but it looks like you're trying to leave town late at night without my knowing. What are you hiding, Dib?"_

_…_

_"Out with it, really, crying isn't a good look for you."_

_…_

_"Uhh, hm, there there, Dib-baby, whatever it is, I'm sure you-"_

_"Agh! Dib, wait! Tell Zim where you're going! Dib? Diii-"_

Dib painfully bit into his nail, causing blood to bead beneath the plate of it. 

He _seriously_ needed to get away from here as soon as he could. Too much remembering going on. 

Fortunately, his emergence from his mindscape found him being held at knifepoint by the alien he'd just been thinking about. It looked like he was saying something, to boot.

"...your staring! Only Zim may hold overly long and creepy eye contact! It's a powerful form of intimidation, and you have no right to use it against me-"

Dib blinked hard and sat up straight. Had he been staring? Meh, it can't be helped that seeing wasn't a priority when he wasn't being engaged with. 

"Alright, alright, I'll look somewhere else," Dib sighed. He pointed his eyes skyward, but that only brought the tip of the knife closer to his nose.

"You won't! Your attention is now being demanded!" Zim gestured to his second plate, which was empty as long as you didn't count GIR licking rings around the syrupy edges. "I have sufficient energy! Prepare your ears for the wrath of Ziiiiiiiiiim!"

Dib sighed, again, dragging his eyes down to the yelling brat. Eyebrow cocked defiantly, he said, "You know, I didn't forget that you don't really need to eat to get energy. Your PAK gives you all you need." Cheekily, he leaned forward and pressed the tip of his nose against the blade, smirking. "If you're so mad at me, why'd you blatantly lie in order to eat breakfast with us?"

Zim paused, a look of enraged mortification on his face. 

Gaz, who had long since finished her meal and had pulled out her trusty GameSlave 4, added, "Yeah, that was pretty sloppy. Shoulda walked in blasting, since you being here was already disruptive."

"CAN'T YOUR FUTURE OVERLORD DEMAND SERVICE FROM TIME TO TIME TO REMIND YOU OF YOUR PLACE IN THE CHAIN OF COMMAND!?"

Zim cried, withdrawing the knife so he could pierce the heavens with it. "ALSO, DID YOU CONSIDER I WOULD NEED CHEERING UP AFTER MY MAINTENANCE TRIP WAS SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED!? SUGAR PLEASES _MEEEEEE_!"

Dib sniggered. Okay, maybe he'd been over-exaggerating in his earlier thoughts. Zim was capable of caring about one (1) time per month. He buried it in excuses, obviously, but the capacity was still there.

Time to take the piss out of him for it. 

"Sure, sure. But what pleases you more is having your _best friends_ both with you again, huh?" Dib leaned forward, eyebrows wiggling on the two taboo words.

Zim hissed and sliced the knife through the air, holding it back at Dib's face once again. "Oh no, absolutely not! You of _all_ creatures are not allowed to equate with me on _any_ level of familiarity! You… you exiter!"

A frown slipped onto Dib's expression. Right, the matter of his leaving. How many layers would have to be peeled back to get a semblance of an answer to Zim's true feelings, he wondered. 

"Rrrrright, that." Leaning back, Dib cocked his head and pointed questioningly at the Irken. "What, didn't like that your competition left and made things too easy for you?"

Zim laughed once, a sharp, bitter sound. "That didn't cross my mind at all! ...the first few months, that is." He plopped a cheek to his fist and began balancing the butter knife against the table with one finger. "Then I succeeded in conquering the planet several times in quick succession and realized it was, in fact, _far_ too easy."

"Whuuuh?" Dib's jaw dropped. Succeeded? Zim?? Zim took over Earth?? Many times??? 

He barely managed the bewildered head turn to Gaz before she retorted in a tired tone, "Don't buy it, it was more just the city he got. Maybe the state at one point, but I wasn't keeping track. He didn't ever bother me or the house, and he always put everything back, so…" She shrugged. 

"Silence, pedantic Gaz!" Zim yelled before immediately calming down to a bored rumble. "But, uh, yeah. Got so dull that I decided to focus some of my time on studying the outer solar system, seeing if any of the other planets were of any potential use, that sort of thing. Man, what is it with humans and Pluto, by the way? All the fuss over its planetary status! Don't your scientists have anything better to do?" He laughed lightly before holding a hand beside his mouth and stage whispering, "It totally is a planet, by the way, heh heh heh."

Dib turned over this information in his head. Ignoring the glaring scientific falsities, Zim had just… reversed his work? More than once? That's incredibly stupid, even for Zim. One doesn't undo their life dream simply because they're bored! 

Unless…

"Okay," Dib began uneasily, "for starters, no, Pluto isn't a planet, but we can violently debate that later if you want. But, uhh, even if taking over bits and pieces of humanity was 'dull', isn't that still grounds for you to contact your leaders and have them come take a look? Maybe finish the job so you can terraform the place to your liking?"

"Incorrect!" Zim declared. "Those were all but mere practice runs!"

"Oh, were they?" Dib drawled, eyes half-lidding from disappointment.

"They were!"

"Were they?"

"They were!"

"Were they?"

Zim squinted, one eye twitching violently. "They _weeerrreeee_."

Dib sighed. Again. "Let's assume for a moment that they were. If the trial runs went well, what was stopping you from going all the way?" He leaned in again, mirroring Zim's squint. "Did your Tallests not like your work? Were they being incredibly specific on how you took over? Not enough explosions? Mayhem? Radioactive rubber pants?"

"Hey, you stole that from me."

"Not important." Dib slammed his elbows in the table, allowing him to lean even closer. "Answer the question, Zim. What's going on here?" His voice had gone soft and even, like vocal velvet. "Have you… lost your taste for conquest?"

"I plead! I plead! I plead! I plead! I plead!" Zim cried, poking Dib's forehead with a finger alongside each exclamation point.

"Wh… plead what?" 

"I have pleaded five times. Now, I don't have to answer your stupid line of questioning." Zim crossed his arms, eyes closed victoriously.

"Uh…" Dib's eyes uneasily slid left, right, and left again. "I think you're trying to think of 'plead the fifth', and you're really only supposed to do that if you're going to incriminate yourself, so-"

"Well, there's nothing to incriminate!"

"So you should be fine answering!"

"Rah!" In a display of impatience, Zim rapidly kicked his feet against the spindles of his chair. "Enough of this pointless back and forth! Zim came here to interrogate you, not the other way around!" Swiftly, the Irken swept his hand against Dib's elbows, causing the 'detective's' upper body to fall forward. When Dib's chin had crashed against the table, Zim stood up and loomed over him, eyes glittering fiercely. "Where did you run off to, Dib-rodent?"

Silence overtook the two. Dib wordlessly looked up, meeting Zim's gaze with a hard, equally menacing, but incredibly wavery stare. 

Without technically answering, Zim had said everything Dib needed to hear. Him going as far as overtaking the whole state blew a whole in his competition theory, and once again, 'caring' wasn't in Zim's (conscious) lexicon. Something was up with his communication with the Tallests, that had to be it. Dib's arrival might be serving as a distraction of sorts - an avoidance of the unswallowable pill. 

Dib might've attempted another hard press, but a brief growl to his right caught his attention. 

"Don't expect an answer out of him. He couldn't tell me where he was hiding all this time, I doubt he'll tell you."

Dib whined woefully and tore his eyes from Zim to peer at Gaz. She may have been mindlessly playing a video game and holding out an arm to allow GIR a single pronged monkey bar, but the obvious hurt on her face twisted Dib's chest. 

"Hey, don't say it like that! You know I had very good reason to want to keep that under wraps!" he argued, shoulders raising reflexively. 

Gaz grit her teeth, voice barely above a rumble. "No, actually. How many times do I have to say I _don't know the reasoning at all_. I'm _this_ close to fastening you to the driveway and cutting the brakes to your van. If you want to keep all your ribs intact, _tell me why you left, asshole_."

"Yes, Dib-hole, explain yourself!" Zim helpfully added with a head bonk.

The strike to the noggin didn't help the sudden pressure behind Dib's temples. He wanted to spill his guts, he did, but…

"I… I, I…"

He only just noticed the unconscious speeding of his heart, of his lungs. How long had those been doing that? Since Gaz started speaking? Who knows. There was too much at risk if he revealed more than necessary. Why couldn't Gaz see that? Why couldn't Zim back off? Or tell the truth himself? Why was there so much to think about all of a sudden? Why did their eyes feel too heavy all of a sudden? Why was the room _shrinking_ all of a sudden? 

The chair fell to the floor from how hard Dib sprang back. His hands clutched his head, keeping the torrential wave of panic inside. If anything spilled, the others might see something they shouldn't.

"I…" Dib said shakily, attempting to mask the wired breaths he was taking. "Okay, I will… I w… rain check!" To the discouragement of his tablemates, Dib performed a flawless about-face and marched through the kitchen door, leaving them alone in that horribly cramped space.

  
  


______________

Dib had only been gone a second before Zim pushed back from the table and snarled at his back. " _Now_ where are you running to, you pathetic pillbug!?" His trusted knife was slammed down onto the plate, and an impatient boot hit the floor to give chase. "You can't ask me so many things and get out of-"

"Leave it."

"Heh?" Zim's head swiveled around, his antennae raised challengingly. Gaz hadn't moved at all - it might be partially due to GIR's sporadic spinning around her limb, but otherwise, the inaction was inexcusable! To voice this, Zim puffed out his chest and gestured ferociously to the exit. "Leave it? He didn't explain anything! The both of us deserve to know-"

"I said, _leave it_."

Zim shrunk at the severity of the tone. However, the obstinate look he wore refused to be erased. It made no sense to him. Dib was emotionally compromised - perfect for information gathering! A few more moments of pushing, and he would have crumbled exactly how Zim wanted! 

Gaz, it seemed, had a different outlook. She sighed forlornly and snapped her handheld shut, assigning both hands to the task of coddling the hyper robot on her shoulder. "I should have known he wouldn't answer. He didn't want to see me at all." She pulled GIR onto her lap, reducing him to a cooing mess with a series of strokes to the head. "You really shouldn't have come, Zim. You always manage to get him all frantic and off-topic."

Zim's hands curled around his hips, which had taken a cocky side tilt. "Unsurprising. My presence is nothing short of euphoric, I know. However, that doesn't excuse Dib, not this time! He's very lucky I don't give him the treatment Irken generals put AWOL soldiers through!" A shudder shook his features, his head bowing sadly. "Oh, how lucky he is that I don't possess a six-fingered vlaterner. It would have been interesting to see how a human responds to-"

"Talk of medieval torture methods aside," Gaz interrupted, much to Zim's chagrin, "it's whatever. He's probably going to get his junk and speed away to parts unknown again. Good riddance." 

Zim's stalks lowered in confusion. This was… unnatural. The past two years had been unnatural for her, to be fair, but this in particular was _especially_ strange. Zim had seen how subdued her usual bouts of anger had become as time went on. He had assumed it was all building up to hurl at the deserter when he next showed his face, but that had been far from the result. Gaz seemed… almost complacent, in this moment. 

It was disappointing. 

"Ridiculous!" Zim spat, resting his palms on the table and leaning forward as far as he could. "Has his absence not bothered you? Now is the time for answers! For revenge, if necessary! If he leaves, nothing will be accomplished!"

"Maybe nothing _needs_ to be accomplished," Gaz stressed, furrowing her brows and bringing GIR closer to her chest. "Think about it. Dib runs his mouth the first chance he gets. He's actively refusing to do that now. I don't know what conclusion you reached from that, but to me, it looks like something more than his usual paranoia is going on."

Zim pursed his lips, one eye squinted in thought. She needn't remind him of that, he remembered it all too well. Zim had countless hours of memory of Dib blabbering about his creature of the week, eyes shining, hands flailing, brain melting- wait, no, that had been Zim, he mentally chuckled. It was almost impressive, how much one human had to say. 

That said, if Dib wasn't acting like his usual self…

"Isn't that grounds for further investigation?" Zim implored, raising a foot in the air to allow for more forward leaning. "If something is preventing him from full disclosure, should we not do more? What if something other than me is threatening his life? That shall not stand!"

"Mmph." Gaz apathetically lolled her head back. "He can handle himself, like he always has. If he can't, meh… I'm just not gonna push anymore, then maybe in five or fifty years when he trusts me again, he can fess up." 

The Irken laid flush against the table, pouting hard. What kind of quitter speak was this!? Fifty years was unspeakably long for a human, there was plenty of time to act in that span! Humans and their passive aggression! Why be passive when brute force solves almost every problem?

Metal spider legs crept out from Zim's PAK, settling against the floor and lifting up his slender body. The alien's mouth lifted to a cruel smirk when the human across from him lifted her head with a lifted brow. 

"Heh heh… I'll leave these worries of trust to you. It doesn't matter to me how he's feeling. Zim will be denied no longer."

"Zim, no, don't you fucking dare-"

He skittered away like lightning. The path up the stairs and to Dib's door blinked by. It was like piloting his Voot Cruiser, as natural as breathing. He poised in midair, one spike drawn in preparation to rip a hole in the door. 

_Squeak. Squeak. Squeak._

Zim paused. Antennae flicked forward. Was that coming from Dib's room?

_Squeak. Squeak. Squeak._

A muffled, stuttery breath. Not quite a sob, but no less emotional.

Zim's sneer softened, browline upturning. Oh. Dib was engaging in his rocking habit. Zim himself hadn't witnessed it much, but the few times he had, it coincided with an inconsolable anxiety. Engaging with Dib during such an event only made his state worse. Seems like the door was staying intact for now.

Without fully realizing it, Zim's palm had pressed itself against the door. A sighed pushed from his throat, laced with softened frustration. "Ha… stupid, weak-willed human. This changes nothing. I'll return later, once you've composed yourself."

Zim swallowed hard and turned himself around, trying diligently to remain undetected. He had only descended to the halfway point of the stairs before coming face to face with Gaz, eyes downturned in a more familiar display of anger. Her mouth sprang open when he got close, but Zim curtly shook his head and jabbed a thumb over his shoulder, back to the second story.

"Oh, relax. I didn't go in. His brain seems to have been shot."

"Well, _duhh_ , you braindead mongrel, that's what I was trying to tell you. Look, just, just," she sputtered for a moment before thrusting the napping green puppy forward into Zim's arms, "I don't know, go back to your space mission, or whatever it was you were doing, just leave him alone for once in your life. The less distracted he is, the sooner he'll leave, and then maybe I can go back to having some fucking peace in this place."

Zim took GIR into his arms, gently cradling him to avoid waking him. He stared for a minute, silent, before frowning and muttering, "It was a maintenance trip for some of my outer satellites…"

"I. Don't. Care." Each of Gaz's retreating steps pounded like a death toll. When she reached the bottom of the stairwell, she pointed at the door, jaw tight. "Out."

With Dib out of commission and Gaz's gesture so final, Zim accepted that he had no further reason to stay. He jut his chin up, full of unbending pride, and retracted his extra legs so his exiting march had a more dramatic impact. "Fine! I am leaving! Of my own accord!" He stopped inches from the door, glancing down at his dozing henchman. "Come, GIR, let us go witness the new clarity of my screens," he whispered. Before exiting, he drew himself up to his full four feet and eleven inches of height to stagger Gaz with a stony look.

Zim only reached her breastbone, so nothing noteworthy was achieved. 

The door was slammed unmannerly at his back. He growled at the gesture, then began plodding down the walkway. 

The _nerve_ of Gaz, honestly. Who had she vented to for hours when Dib had first vanished? That's right, it had been Zim! Zim had risked the integrity of his mighty machinery, balancing his attention between tinkering and listening! 

...only because complaints of Dib interested him, Zim reminded himself with a downward tick of his mouth.

Anyway, after all he had done to keep her from sinking into an unproductive despair! After all the agreeing that Dib's throat deserved to be wrung! Dib throws himself right into the fire, and Gaz douses it? What was it about human familial bonds that threw all logic to the wind? It was laughable. Laughable! At this rate, she had better be lying to save the pummeling for herself, because otherwise, Zim would probably short circuit from confusion. 

Speaking of the Dib-creature.

Zim's eyes hardened. What was his damage!? How could he not wish to see Zim? Zim, his greatest enemy?! After all this time! No phone call, no electronic message, nothing! It was insulting! Especially since the last thing he'd done was run Zim over with that filth-ridden monstrosity he called a van! And to hide away with the wretched rocking… ha! If Zim weren't so full of patience, he might have barged in anyway and demanded his explanation then and there. 

_You can't hide from me forever, Earth boy,_ Zim said in the quiet of his own head. _Nor can you run. You won't leave this place before I get you to sing like a… a… that yellow bird you humans talk about, what was it? Can-something, can, canie, cannery, can… no matter!_

Zim had only made it as far as the road in front of the house before his feet turned to lead. Though it had been his and only his decision to leave the house, he still felt… _something_ about how it ended. He couldn't place it, but leaving things as they were felt… not great. The urge for one final look overwhelmed him.

Before he realized it, his body overtook his mind, and he was finding a soft bush to rest GIR in. When the pup was good and nestled, Zim flittered to the back of the house. He reached the kitchen window in no time at all. His spider legs folded out, and Zim lifted up far enough to peer inside.

The kitchen was filled with clattering, Zim noticed right away. The table was bare, the chairs empty. The commotion was coming from the sink. Zim flinched out of view when he registered the purple head hovering inches from his vantage point. There was no sound of alarm, prompting him to creep back up enough to peek down.

Gaz was throwing around the dishes from breakfast. Water splashed onto the floor, making Zim wince. Most importantly, Gaz herself appeared… downright furious. Her eyes were visible, both pupils vibrating in place. Each spastic scrub from her steel wool sponge screeched from the force behind it. Her teeth ground together, like tectonic plates threatening to unleash an earthquake - her throaty growls acted as the aftershocks. 

There was that rage Zim had been expecting. He quickly decided he wasn't a fan anymore. 

Acting on instinct, he began crawling up to a certain second story window. If he was going to check on one, Zim might as well check on both humans, yes?

The sight that welcomed him made him regret his choice immediately. The lights were off, the blankets ripped from the bed. Against the door, a huddled figure swayed back and forth, only dark hair visible from beneath the comforter swaddled tightly around him. If Zim strained his inner ear, he could hear the labored breathing, now audibly moist with tears. 

The saddened chirr that ripped through Zim's chest was loud enough to scare him. He froze, waiting for Dib to look up. Fortunately, no such thing occurred. Zim relaxed, and once again, his palm pressed itself against the barrier between him and his nemesis. 

"Dib, you unbearably fragile creature…" 

Zim stayed a moment longer, then allowed his hand to drop and his PAK to carry him back down. That horrible stirring in his chest had gotten too much to bear. Human sadness - how sickeningly contagious. 

Hopefully, Dib would be over it soon. This weak act would only prevent Zim's wrath for so long! If need be, Zim would most definitely punch a crying human!

Anywhats. While Zim waited for the thick, lumpy ache in his chest to cease, he decided he would honor his earlier declaration to GIR and check the heightened reception of his satellites.

It was, frankly speaking, the most important thing he'd done in a while.

  
  


________________________

**SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER**

The Voot Cruiser cut through empty space like a heated knife through butter. What a looker that empty space was: twinkling stars, like gemstones; galaxies colored orange, red, purple, like tie dye; dwarf planets suspended nearby, like especially bumpy beads. Yessir, space was looking like a beautiful third grade arts and crafts assignment.

Too bad the pilot of the Voot was ignoring all of it. His priorities came first. Fortunately, his plucky sidekick was gushing over the scenery whizzing by, so he wasn't missing much.

"And there, that star!" GIR shouted, eagerly jabbing the windshield. "That one looks like a ferret! 'N that one, that big blue splotch!" His little finger moved a centimeter to the left. "That looks like… a ferret! But bluuuue!"

"GIR! Quit touching that, you're gonna accidentally open it again!" Zim shot the robot a stern frown. "It's cold out there, and you take too long to turn the Voot around!"

"Aww, but how will I keep track 'a all the ferrets?" GIR retracted his arm, his eyes squinting into sad half-circles.

"Use your mind! I know you're able to think at least a fraction, use your mind to keep a map of all the 'ferrets'." Zim was saluted fiercely, then startled when GIR banged his forehead against the windshield. The glass remained motionless, and he wasn't sent hurling through the void, so he allowed it, albeit begrudgingly. 

With GIR distracted, the Irken straightened up and said in a clear voice, "Computer! Distance to next satellite!"

"We will arrive in thirteen point five seconds," came the monotonous reply.

"Eh? I said distance, not estimated arrival time!" 

"You constantly switch what unit of measurement I should calculate. Seconds were a safer bet that required less math. Take it or leave it."

"It will suffice!" 

Zim began pushing buttons on his dashboard's display, pointedly ignoring the sarcastic repeating of his previous sentence from the computer. A couple of presses resulted in a panel on the rear of the Voot sliding open, releasing a sizable hook attached to a lengthy cord. Zim turned his head to check that it was untangled, then looked back around in time to see a small, rectangular shape appearing in front of him.

A determined grin pulled at his lips. Perfect.

"GIR, hold onto something!" With no further warning, Zim tightly clutched the yoke and pulled hard to the right. The little aircraft abruptly swerved, the hook shooting out in front. The cable stretched as far as it could, and at its farthest, the hook itself snagged perfectly into one of the handles on a raspberry colored satellite bearing an Irken insignia.

"Excellent, connection achieved!" When the craft had steadied itself out, Zim swiped his hand a time or two more, preemptively setting up a small apparatus on the side. Then, he put both hands back on the yoke, and with a maniacal laugh, he sped forward. 

For a spell, Zim's surroundings were white streaks. The speed flattened him against his seat, but he laughed all the same. The outcome would be worth the disorientation, he promised himself. 

Just as soon as it had started, the high speeds came to a halt. Predictably, the satellite went sailing past the Voot, but Zim was prepared. He slammed the button to his tractor beam, and instantly, the purple metal slab ceased its acceleration, bathed in a lavender lasery glow.

Once stationary, the beam was switched off, leaving the satellite to its own devices once more. Satisfied with his work, Zim reached up to his neck and flicked a switch. While a translucent bubble morphed from his suit collar and around his head, he looked to the side and commanded, "Alright, GIR, open 'er up and hand me my toolbox."

Up went the glass covering, and into Zim's open hand went his… plastic wrapper?

"Hm?" Perturbed, Zim inspected the object he'd been given. A chip bag, gutted of its contents. Lovely.

"No, toolbox, GIR. I told you to hold onto your trash."

"Oh yeah!" The bag was quickly swapped out with the appropriate item. 

All set at last. Without further delay, Zim's PAK split open, letting out his built-in rocker boosters. He jumped up, and small flames spit out behind him. Zim skated against the dark backdrop of space before gently touching down on the surface of his capsule. The magnets in his shoes held him down, allowing him use of both hands.

"Okay, let me see what I can adjust here…" 

Humming to himself, Zim pried a small square of metal up onto its hinges, revealing a tangle of wires in every shade of the rainbow. Brandishing tweezers and a wrench, the little mechanic got to work. Bolts were tightened, cables were switched, and many, _many_ tangles were straightened. 

It was almost relaxing, working on his own machine like this, out in the stillness of the cosmos. If only his reasoning for being out here wasn't so inconvenient, that is. If anybody wondering simply _mu_ st know, his connection with the Tallests had been certifiably awful lately. No wonder, given how close to the celestial body 2018 VG18 this satellite had drifted. It needed more range than that!

Zim was just administering the final touches when a shrill beep flooded his auditory canal. The abruptness of it made him yelp and let go of his wrench, but he nabbed it before it floated too far away. He flicked his earpiece with his secondary finger and snapped, "What is it, Computer? You almost made me lose my wrench! I love this wrench!"

"Uh-huh. Well, excuse _me_ for thinking you would find this important."

Zim quirked a brow. "Find what important?"

"The weird camera you fixed in your human's bedroom. It switched on for the first time in weeks."

"That's all? It's probably just Gaz going in to vacuum again, or Membrane standing and staring blankly at the walls for an uncomfortably long amount of time."

"Professor Membrane only did that one time, and if the human on the monitor is Gaz, she, in no particular order, gained five inches of height, cut and dyed her hair black, had a double mastectomy, finally caved and started utilizing eyewear, and-"

"Alright, alright, I'll come take a look! Geez, Mister Particular over here." Zim turned off his microphone and began gathering his tools back up. This distraction had better be worth it! He hadn't had a chance to tune up the dish! By beating it! With _fists_!

After a quick hover back, Zim descended into the seat and stared impatiently at the currently blank monitor. "Show me what you're seeing. Show me so that I may laugh at your misreadings!"

The computer heaved a great, troubled sigh. "Got it."

The screen flicked to life, displaying the bedroom of Zim's long-time rival. On first glance, nothing looked any different than the last few times Zim had checked in. The dark walls still shimmered with luminescent star decals, the stacked computer screens still sat darkened in the corner, the bed still lay occupied by a tall figure-

"Wait!" 

Zim leapt forward and pressed his hands against the dash. His antennae sprang up in shock, vibrating and straining against the oxygen preservation bubble that Zim had neglected to deactivate. "Computer, zoom and enhance!"

"Maybe."

The scene shifted, focusing more on the bed and the person who lay in it. Zim squinted hard, scanning each pixel as it cleared. The person was lying on its stomach, blanket strewn aside to reveal a naked torso. Scars lay out across the tanned skin, patterned in ways that Zim could pick out even with his sight impaired. He'd put most of them there, after all. The messy raven hair was a bit different, but that stupid rippled scythe couldn't belong to anyone else. Last, that ear-bleeding snoring, trapped high in the nasal cavity, had made Zim wish for sleep many an escapade into the woods, not so long ago. 

Zim leaned back, primary phalange pointed inches away from the screen. 

"Dib! It _is_ Dib! And he's sprouted wings!"

"Those are tattoos, actually. Sheesh, really went hard with the moth theme, didn't he?"

Zim couldn't hear anything anymore. Blood was roaring through him, his ear canals, his chest, his limbs. He wasn't sure when, or even _if_ this day was going to come, but now that it had…

"Is he serious!? Right when I'm attempting to fix my communication issues!? Man, Dib must exist solely to enrage me!" Zim slammed a fist against the lip of the cruiser, activating the windshield.

"Well, it isn't like this trip is of any technical use. The Massive has been unavailable for around seven-"

" **Silence**!" Zim roared, tapping off his head bubble so that his stalks had the freedom to poke up like they desperately wanted to. "Computer! Open the cellular phone line."

He steepled his fingers together and leaned forward, a suspicious look on his visage. "I'd like to give the Gaz girl a call. See what she knows about this." 

"Oooh, we gonna call Gaz? I luuuuuv Gaz!" chirped GIR, who had been flipping his chip bag inside out and outside in again. 

"Yes, yes, Gaz is one of the least disgusting apes on Earth, I suppose." Zim waved for GIR's silence as the sound of ringing filled the cockpit. 

For her sake, there had better be a good explanation for him having to waste fuel on hyperdrive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leggo my Eggo. 
> 
> Thanks for reading to this point!  
> My Tumblr:  
> \- [My Tumblr](https://canada-maplehockey.tumblr.com)  
> 


	4. Not the Worst Playdate We've Ever Had

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib comes as clean as physically possible to Gaz at a playground. There's also a glimpse backwards, at a simpler time, when Zim and Gaz had a minor confrontation.

Mind-numbingly loud music rattled Gaz's left eardrum. Flashing lights crazily strobed inches from her eyes. Her thumbs were a blur, pushing buttons, pulling triggers, tweaking joysticks. She was deep in her zone, mowing down pixelated zombie pigmen like her life depended on it. 

Specifically, her patience depended on it. Dib hadn't come down in over two hours. 

With every spurt of oversaturated blood onscreen, Gaz pictured Zim's stupid, impatient head exploding. It wasn't the most mature stress reliever, but there was no way she'd want to see him in person again any time soon to act more amicably. This method had all the catharsis and none of the mess - both literally and verbally.

His presence had been catastrophic, just as she'd predicted. Gaz was no stranger to Zim ignoring anyone and everyone's instructions, but this instance had been different. The window of opportunity to figure out this asinine family drama had been slammed and glued shut, all because the green dolt enjoyed yelling at her brother. Now, Dib would probably stay in his room all day, wearing a groove into the floor, then leave without another word. 

The controller creaked within her tightening grip. Zombies began exploding faster and faster, near to the point of lagging the system itself.

_That_ infuriated Gaz, more so than still being in the dark about Dib's newfound vagrant status. If she was doomed to be held at arm's length, the least that could've happened was one last morning of hanging out, catching up, acting like siblings. Was the universe so unforgiving that she couldn't have just one decent morning with Dib? Unplagued by his own paranoia or their exasperating alien neighbor's hubris? Was this some kind of shared punishment? Because they were assholes to each other as kids, they weren't allowed to have a functional relationship at all? Was _this_ the natural order all along?

**GAME OVER**

Those accursed words had been blinking for several seconds now, but Gaz only just noticed them.

God damn, losing your temper over shit you couldn't change was so uncool.

Begrudgingly, Gaz switched off the console and put the controller aside. The grips had each gained a crack, and she didn't feel like breaking another gaming accessory in the span of one day. Her poor, shattered headset…

Hands now unoccupied, the sullen sorehead slid back and upwards onto the sofa. Not a beat skipped, Gaz reached over to the coffee table and plucked up a small black cube covered in knobs and switches. Her nimble fingers had already clicked and spun nearly every available doodad before she had a chance to lay down on her side, blankly absorbing the sound from her earphones. 

Better to keep her hands busy than to cover the walls in holes, she'd come to accept in recent times. 

Five minutes slipped by, then thirty. Gaz dared not move from this idle state, not if she could help it. The raspy growls and shrieking guitars filled her mindspace so that nothing else had the pleasure of doing so. All she had to do was stare and click, stare and click, stare and-

_Click_

Her body stiffened. That was the front door.

"You're leaving?" As nonchalantly as possible, Gaz tilted her head back and cracked an eye open. Correctly predicted, there stood Dib, who had redonned his hoodie and beanie. His hand was curled around the knob, knuckles white. He refused to look anywhere but the carpet. All promising signs, Gaz bitterly reflected.

"Yeah… well, no, not entirely. Just going for a walk."

"A walk where? Out to your van?"

Dib's face scrunched up in annoyance. " _No_. Just… mmph…" 

Gaz propped up onto an elbow, craning her neck to more properly face the door. "Fine, sheesh, I believe you. Don't have a hernia." 

All she got in return was another low-pitched whine before the door was flung open. Dib rushed out, and just as abruptly as he'd appeared, he was gone.

Gaz stilled her fingers, listening hard to the outside world. There was no sputtering ignition of an engine, not yet. Perfect, now she would need to turn her music down to keep an ear out for Dib making a break for it. 

To go along with this inconvenience, there was another **crack** in Gaz's palm. Plastic bit into the heel of her hand, and the small metal ball housed within the device went plunking to the floor. 

Damn, how tense had she been just now? Oh well, this was why she had a whole drawer filled with fidget devices. There were more cubes where that came from.

  
  


_________________

  
  


Another two hours of lounging, pacing, and assorted fidgeting later, Gaz's cell phone buzzed. She put off checking the notification for a moment, assuming it was one of her various Discord chats. Now wasn't the time to discuss what skins she was excited about unlocking on whichever of the ten games that applied to. 

Soon after the first, another buzz jostled the device, and Gaz noticed the edges of the black screen light up. Ah, an actual text message. Still no, that could mean having to speak to either her father or the green nuisance. Neither sounded very appealing, considering she wanted both of them to experience various levels of pain by her own hands. Once again, the phone was left alone. 

Third time being the charm, the phone lit up again. Gaz caught the contact name, and her eyebrows bounced attentively. "GBF" (Great Big Forehead, or Garrett Bobby Ferguson, depending on one's knowledge of Cartoon Network programs ) had said something to her. In other words, Dib still wanted to talk.

That got her to pick the phone up in a timely manner. 

There wasn't much substance to the texts. In order, they read, "Hey, come here, at that park I liked." Even so, Gaz couldn't help the prick of relief in her chest. Good, that meant he hadn't left yet. Maybe if they tried again, in a place hidden away from any nosy Irkens, there could still be a shot at one decent conversation yet.

Why that involved her having to walk nearly across town, she didn't know, or particularly like. Whatever. 

The trek was miserable in the summer haze, but the end justified the means, Gaz figured. When she ambled past the lengthy stone path and over a large hill, she spotted her sibling on the outskirts of the playground. He was huddled onto a swing, his gangly legs curled beneath him to keep a steady rock motion going. The surrounding jungle gym looked deserted - Gaz wondered if Dib's suspicious appearance had scared off the children. 

Not that he'd ever had any trouble with that, but now might not be the time for such a snark.

She plodded up to him without a word. Dib's section of the swing set offered a second seat, which Gaz reluctantly took. The creaking and shifting of chain links were no less nettling than usual, but again, complaining was not in Gaz's best interests. For now, she would sit and follow Dib's lead.

Which would hopefully start any time now. 

Any time. 

…

  
  


_C'mon, you dick, don't drag me out here and not even say anything,_ Gaz growled in the safety of her head. 

"What took you so long?" Dib mumbled, almost like he'd heard the mental jab.

"Car's not available, in case you didn't notice," Gaz said evenly.

"I did notice. That's why I thought the place was empty, remember?" Dib twisted the chains, circling one full time before stopping with knees pointed at his sister. "I thought maybe you'd emptied the garage and parked it there."

"Most of that junk's yours. We weren't gonna mess with it. ...no, we really weren't, put that eyebrow down." Gaz sighed, shaking her head. "Forget that part. No, my car's at the shop."

"What happened to it?"

"Running over a douche and his douche bike isn't good for keeping the wheels aligned. I mean, that definitely wasn't all that was wrong, but the bike was what broke the camel's back."

Dib clucked, picking his feet up so he could whirl in the air from the unwinding swing. "I thought you were specifically warned _not_ to run people over? You're going to get snitched on if the guy got away."

"You think I didn't rough him up a little? You forget who you're talking to."

"No, I didn't. Hmm, what'd he do to deserve getting bulldozed?"

"He was pointing a camera at himself and _staring_ at it. Almost ran into traffic four times, and that's only what I was around to see. Figured I'd teach him a lesson in paying attention to the pavement."

Dib pursed his lips, winding himself up in his seat for another round of spinning. "You couldn't have shouted out the window at him? Sounds like you caused more issues than were solved."

"You weren't there, Dib. You didn't see the-" Gaz's teeth clenched, both eyelids twitching in sync. "- _hideous_ pink hat he was wearing. He didn't deserve a functional bike."

"Mmmmmmmm. I still don't think you should've ran him over. A can throw to the skull would've sufficed."

"Ugh, you're no fun as always. Would it help if I said I got trailed by some weirdo in a headband for a couple days after that?"

"A friend of his? Has he tried anything funny?" Dib arched backwards, looking at Gaz upside-down with worried lines between his brows.

"Nothing… dangerous, no. He mostly stands a couple blocks away and vapes. Does it so hard that he starts coughing and falls over if I stop and stare back long enough. I doubt he'll actually be an issue in the long run."

"Hmm." Dib picked his head up and twisted his swing another time or three before lifting his feet and spinning again. "I'm honestly surprised you haven't thrown him into a dumpster or traffic yet, if he's so receptive to basic intimidation like you're saying." His shoes smacked Gaz's knees, causing her to frown deeply.

"Hey, watch it, these jeans are brand new."

"So are the three inches of length in my legs. I'm almost six four now. It's pretty neat."

"Yeah, I noticed. I'm gonna need stilts to give you a swirly at this rate."

Dib returned the frown, lifting a middle finger to emphasize his disdain for the suggestion. "You always said my head was too big to fit in the toilet bowl, fuck off."

Gaz shrugged. "Not too big to fit in the sink under the faucet. Wanna drown that way instead?"

The swing was already in motion before Dib was able to respond. Legs pumping, he shook his head, loose locks of hair shaking in the wind. "Nah, I choose how I die, but thanks for the consideration!"

Hoping the wind in his ears distracted him enough, Gaz turned her head and risked a snort. Good, this was going well. Dib seemed in almost as good a mood as he'd woken up in. Universe, if there were any plans to upset this fragile balance, prepare to be shot.

Gaz sat up again. Yelling to be heard over the screeching of overexerted child-sized equipment, she continued, "Anyway, to answer your question, I left the dude alone because everything else is boring! Nothing much changes around here, you know that! Having a stalker is almost funny!"

"That's not a good mindset to have, Gaz! People get hurt that way!"

"I'm not saying I condone it, smartass! I myself am not helpless, that's the difference! I've struck people with lightning before, remember?!"

"Yeah, that guy had wicked scars for ever after that! I'd almost like to get struck by lightning, too, if it meant free tattoos!"

Gaz raised an eyebrow, jerking a corner of her mouth up into a faint smirk. "I can arrange that, just give me a second to drag some storm clouds over!"

Dib shook his head again. He had gained so much momentum that each swing of his self-made pendulum carried him inches above the fasteners. "You're a little too eager to hurt me today!"

Snickering, Gaz steadied herself and leaned back, laying parallel to the ground. "You're close to the sky! How am I not going to take this opportunity?!" Her head lolled back, pointy hair sweeping across the black rubber mat and wood chips below. "There aren't any rain clouds for miles, so I guess you're safe. God, it's a literal drought, how are you wearing all those layers!?"

"Hoodies have pockets! The extra storage space is good! Also, I don't want to stand out too much!"

"You're epically failing. You look like a disbarred defense attorney, and you're swinging so hard that the whole thing is lifting off the ground!"

"Don't try to stop me, Gaz! The adrenaline rush is getting to my head! I feel aliiiive~!"

"That's actually the impending heat stroke, if I had to guess. At least ditch the hat! Dragging you around after you pass out would suck!"

There was a moment of silence. Then, Gaz's world was blackened. She made a noise of surprise, but upon jerking up into a sit, the obstruction fell neatly onto her lap. Dib had flung the beanie directly at her face. 

_Asshole_ , Gaz thought affectionately.

"You suck, Dib!"

"Maybe!" 

Gaz lifted her face to steal a glance at her brother. Now free to do as it pleased, his oversized cowlick whipped wildly back. It threatened to tangle with the support beam, but defying all logic, it harmlessly slid over it and continued the backward descent, along with the rest of Dib. 

Man, his hair had never been this long before, come to think of it. Before now, he'd never worn it longer than around his ears. Now look at him, sporting a 'do that rivaled hers circa age twelve. 

This was new territory. She could totally poke fun at this without much consequence, right?

"Hey, if I can wrangle you back to the house at some point, maybe we could braid each other's hair and talk about boys?"

Dib angled his head sideways, though his confusion was masked by said tresses. "Huh? Why?"

"I dunno, Kylo Ren, what do you think I mean?" 

"Kylo R- ...oh!" Dib stuck a leg out, posing his body perpendicular to the earth below. He let go of one side, flipping his fringe back with a taunty pout. "Jealous of how cool I look? I don't blame you-"

At that moment, his rear slid clean out of the seat. 

As it tended to do in times of distress, time slowed to a crawl. Gaz could only look on in mild shock as Dib yelped, pulled his arm taut, hoisted his body up and over the swing, and rolled flawlessly to a crouch just in front of the safety mat.

Time resumed after his proud over-the-shoulder smirk was struck by the flailing swing. 

Gaz's slightly ajar lips burst open with laughter. She watched Dib sputter and wipe his mouth, looking more irked than embarrassed at his humbled fate. When it was clear he was only stunned, Gaz leaned forward and grabbed a fistful of fabric, helping him to his feet.

"You're absolutely right, Dib. I _wish_ I looked as cool as you."

Dib scoffed and forcefully patted her hand away. "I'd like to see _you_ pull off a perfect double tuck with zero notice. I'm cool as hell!"

"Yeah, yeah, okay, whiner. Pssh, maybe the beanie was preventing drag, my bad on that call." Gaz launched the hat back to its owner, who caught it and shoved it into his stomach pouch. 

A hand reached out and reigned the rattling chains. Dib reclaimed his seat, pouting genuine now. "You distracted me, is all. Pfft, shoulda seen it like a month ago, I think it was actually as long as yours is. Just needed a change, y'know?"

"Is that also why your face is more metal than a trash can lid now?"

Dib's tongue reflexively shot out to the twin studs adorning his bottom lip. "They're my emotional support snake bites!"

Gaz opened an eye, unimpressed. "I'm legally not allowed to say they look cool, so I'm just gonna peg you as a try-hard and be thankful you didn't punch too many more holes in your face." Her eye closed again. "Good thing, or else the air might have leaked from your head and left it all sad and flabby looking."

Dib lifted a hand to curl over his jaw, eyes darting away. "Heh heh… believe me, I was tempted, but too many piercings would be kinda hard to maintain. I just needed a little something to not look so much like, uh… you know, uh… to look different, yeah?"

Gaz's shoulders squared up. Oh no, he was circling toward a topic that would lead nowhere good. If he took off here, it was hard to say whether she could catch up with him, not with all these trees and his insane reflexes. Gaz would need to steer him back, and fast.

"Different?" Gaz stood up, made her way to the spot behind Dib, and looped her hands onto the chain links nearest his head. "You still look like a fuckin' dweeb to me. But… " She shook the chains a bit, enough to vibrate any and everything distal to her fists. "That's not an _entirely_ bad thing."

Dib hummed in a manner that Gaz hoped meant flattery, then rubbed the back of his neck with a downward gaze. He said nothing for a minute; Gaz stared down at him, stomach churning. 

_God, no, don't get sad again, that wasn't going badly._

Suddenly, his head whipped back, sending Gaz scrambling to avoid impact. Dib's eyes were upturned, smile small and sad.

"Thanks, Gaz. Anyway, you mind if I just… swing for a bit?"

Gaz's shoulders touched her ears. _Shit_. 

"Come on, don't get bummed on me." Both eyes were open now, irises shivering in fearful persistence. "Seriously, you look fine, I was just-"

"It's okay, Gaz. I'm okay." Dib picked his head up. "Give me a few. Warn me if anyone walks by, alright?"

As if Gaz could split her attention between him and the surrounding area without feeling an ungodly amount of anxiety. 

"Maybe." Her hands drew back from the swing. "Whatever, I'm gonna go precariously balance on the seesaw. You're too dangerous to sit beside." Before stepping away, she brought a loose fist up and knocked on the top of Dib's head. "Make a bigger crater if you fall again. That was the funniest shit I've ever seen."

  
  


________________

_The interior of the house smelled strongly of chocolate. Downstairs, sounds of welding and electronic whining. Upstairs, sounds of offkey humming and clattering dishes. A disorientating scene, to be sure, but all Gaz cared about was the beeping, booping rectangles in her grip._

_It was early evening. Dib was off doing something about a forcefield at Zim's house (_ "Seriously, how has he kept that thing up for so long!? It's been a whole month!" _). Naturally, Gaz was going to take this opportunity to have the living room all to herself. No distractions from the television, a pudding-filled cake in progress, and best of all, Dad was home to enjoy it with her once he was finished with work. Living the dream._

_The only imperfection was the stupidly obvious intruder watching her from the window._

_Yeah, it was weird, being watched like this, but Gaz hadn't yet had a chance to free a hand and chuck anything at the glass. Maybe once she beat this level…_

_Perfect._

_Without looking up, Gaz reached for the TV remote. She held it up, miming a regular girl innocently wanting to catch a show… until her wrist snapped and precisely flung the device through the window and into the forehead of the freak. She was rewarded with an annoyingly familiar shriek of outrage._

_"If you're looking for Dib, he's out. Go away, Zim, this is only slightly less creepy than having a camera installed."_

_"Ha! Foolish of you to presume my reasons for spying, Dib-sister!" Rising into view like a phoenix from the ashtray, Zim dramatically held a spread out hand above his head. "Zim can look into your living room for whatever reason is deemed important!" The remote had embedded itself into his forehead. Ew._

_"The new important thing is for you to get the heck out of here, butthole. I'm busy."_

_In a way-too-loud flash, Zim bust through the window in a spray of glass shards. He landed on his feet, then went out of his way to kneel and point up at the unbothered girl. "Wrong! I'm staying, and there's nothing your sorry human self can do about it! Don't try to defy me, Gaz, that's a conflict you will not-"_

_"Honeeeey?" Suddenly, a happy, dopey voice called out from the kitchen. "Did you invite a fwiend over? Does he wanna stay for puddin' cake?"_

_"Probably not, Clembrane! I was gonna show him the door soon!" Gaz yelled, then looked down at the alien who definitely had glass in his kneecaps with a heavy scowl. "Or slam it on his head, whichever comes first," she added in a quiet rumble._

_Zim hadn't heard her threat. His head was facing the kitchen door, a finger thoughtfully rubbing his bottom lip. "Heh? Was that the clone of Membrane I heard? Weird, I didn't think he'd live this long. His DNA wasn't exactly stable…on purpose, of course, but still… "_

_"Hey." Gaz spat, catching Zim's attention once more. "Get out."_

_"Never!" To Gaz's displeasure, the Irken leapt from his spot on the floor to the spot next to her on the couch. He crossed a leg over his knee, folded his hands politely, and closed his eyes in a stubborn display. "Not getting off this couch."_

_An animalistic growl pushed out from between Gaz's toothy scowl. Absolutely not. This idiot was_ not _going to ruin her perfect evening._

_"Zim," she began, bangs covering her eyes. "I'm going to give you to the count of three to stand up and throw yourself out the jagged hole you created in_ my _window. If I count down and you haven't done so, I swear on the shadows of all that is holy that I will drag you through the shrapnel pile on the floor by your trachea and_ squeeze _you out through the crack in the closed windowpane."_

_"One." Zim did nothing but chuckle and smirk._

_"Two." Zim shifted deeper into the cushion, humming obnoxiously._

_"Th-"_

_Gaz sprung at Zim like a fox punishing the hare for sleeping during his race with the tortoise._

_Zim could only hang limply and wail as Gaz swung him like a rag doll, hitting the arm of the couch, the floor, the table… anything in reach, really._

_"Get. Out. Get. Out. Get. Out," Gaz bit with each strike._

_"AAAAAAAAAAnoAAAAAAAAAAnoAAAAAAAAAAnoAAAAAAAAAA." Still too much pride despite his position. How vexingly irritating._

_"Alright then… " Zim was suddenly pressed against the back of the sofa, throat no less free. Gaz stood on the ground in front of him, leaning in with canines no less bared. "If you won't leave, then you're gonna answer a question."_

_Zim's eyes narrowed, disgustingly large mouth curling in offense. "How many times do I have to remind you that NO EARTH CREATURE HAS THE RIGHT TO MAKE DEMANDS OF ZIIIIACKH!"_

_Gaz's fingers clutched hard into the loudmouth's throat. "Be quiet. Clembrane will make a scene if he realizes you're still here. I don't feel like cleaning pudding off the carpet again."_

_Zim arched a brow, considering his options, then took in a long, gaspy breath. He let out the beginnings of a horrible, croaky cry, but was abruptly shut up by a fist in the mouth._

_"Urgh… " Zim's gross saliva was all over her hand, but Gaz had no choice but to keep it there until she'd got a word in. "Just_ listen _, you satanic cockroach. You've had your house blocked off for over a month now, and it's making Dib wig out. He's more jittery and_ **loud** _than ever._ **I hate it.** _You hear me?_ **HATE**. _If you're planning some triumphant sequel to that horrible Florpus crap, knock it off. It'd be too much to ask for you to leave altogether so Dib could be more quiet in general, probably, so just… I dunno, let him in again so things could go back to normal."_

_Zim started laughing, making Gaz wretch and draw her fist back. The saliva was one thing, but having his even grosser tongue and weirdly gummy teeth gnash against her skin was too much._

_"AHAHAHA! Let him in, just like that? Because you asked me to? But seeing him in a state of panicked confusion is so_ funny _!"_

_"You know what's_ not _funny, Zim? Watching Dib struggle with undoing a forcefield. It's so pathetic, I get physically sick sometimes. Puking has become_ boring to me _because of this."_

_Zim rolled his eyes. "It isn't my fault the boy is obsessively determined with achieving the impossible! That's an Eterna-Field, crafted by the Clyscutinors! The whole race is driven by an insatiable need to keep things out of their private business! Nothing can breach the forcefield except for the owner of said private business, which is me!"_

_Gaz flattened her brows in suspicion. "Nothing at all?"_

_Zim nodded. "Nothing but me, yes."_

_"That includes GIR and Minimoose and whatever plot you're hatching?"_

_"Well, there's not currently a plot being hatched, per se, but uhhhh, yeah, they're bound to the base. I'm probably going to reverse the effect on GIR, though, he doesn't take being cooped up especially well-"_

  
  


_"Shut up," Gaz interjected, eye peeked open for added intimidation. "You're not working on anything? Why the insistence on keeping riff raff out, then?"_

_Zim flinched, then lifted a hand to scratch the side of his head. "Ehhh, I'm not used to you being so interested in my plans, Gaz-human, it's starting to frighten me."_

_"Oh, I'm not." Gaz deflated to a more relaxed stance. "The more I know, the more I can relay to Dib so he'll stop showing me his overly complicated corkboard of theories." Moving fast enough to whip-crack the air, Gaz leaned back, hiking Zim up in midair by his jaw. "Now answer my question, pissface!"_

_A pained wail floated in from the kitchen. "Gazzyyyyy, no bad wowds! I'w hafta wash out youw mouff with soap again!"_

_Gaz's face dropped to neutral embarrassment. "Sorry, Clembrane, I meant pee-face!" Her vice-like grip on Zim's face tightened, insisting wordlessly that she didn't regret her original insult at all._

_"Ack!" Zim clawed for purchase, but to no avail. "Fine, fine! I need to keep Dib out of my base so he doesn't distract me any more than attending skool already does!"_

_"Why do you need so much focus? Sounds like you ARE working on something." Both eyes shot open, and Zim whimpered at the visible flames dancing in Gaz's pupils._

_"Zim swears there is no project! I'm just… just… " He began squirming hard, eyes shooting in all directions. "Waitingforfurthercommunicationfromuhhhhsomebody, but that's all I'll say! Please, relinquish my glorious faa-aa-aaace!"_

_Gaz snuffed out the embers in her eyes and loosened her hold on the alien. Ah, yeah, hadn't Dib mentioned the Tall guys not giving a crap about Zim or something? That explains enough for Gaz's current curiosity levels._

_"Mm." Interest rapidly waning, Gaz opened her hand. Zim went sprawling onto the couch, tenderly cradling his manhandled jaw. Seconds later, he dipped down from the give next to him - Gaz had resumed playing on her handheld. "Okay, whatever, just get out now. And don't just start staring in here again. I know you've started doing that ever since the Florpus thing."_

_"Ehhh?!" Zim was up on his feet again, towering over Gaz on the back of the sofa. "I haven't a clue what you're babbling about, human-stink! What even IS a 'shmorpus'!?"_

_"I don't want to deal with your weird denial issues. Leave. Now."_

_Zim shrank, looking as pouty as a child denied the right to stick their finger into a socket. "Grrrr, FINE! There's nothing of interest to look at in this filthy house anyway! I- ...hey, it's rude to ignore when someone is chastising you." The Irken cast a questioning look at the device in Gaz's hands. As he continued on, he slid his body down the backrest, reclaiming his seat next to the gamer. "What are you doing on that, anyway?"_

_Gaz shied away from his pointing finger, but answered nonetheless. "Playing a game. Duh."_

_"What game?"_

_Sigh._

_"Super Mario Brothers."_

_"Hm, yes, I believe I've heard mention of these siblings before. Where is the green one?"_

_"Haven't unlocked him yet. Well, I have, but I restarted the game."_

_"What? You can't start the game with both of them? Sheesh, talk about false advertising. Then again, I suppose having to work for the taller and therefore superior brother makes sense in the long run."_

_"Yeah, his jump's pretty good. Also, you're bleeding on my leggings."_

_"Lies."_

_And so it went for another thirty minutes or so. Gaz remained relatively annoyed the whole way through, but at least Zim remaining in plain view meant he wasn't watching her through the blinds. Having to explain the complex lore of the Mario franchise wasn't that unpleasant, either, even if it felt like teaching basic shapes to a slobbery kindergartner._

_Unfortunately, just as a comfortable order had been established, the front door opened._

_"UuggghhUUGGHHH, it's impossible, Gaz!" The girl in question didn't even have to look up to realize that Dib was covered in soot and tiny flames. It had become the norm after each and every failed attempt to crack the code of the forcefield. "I just can't get through! Nothing of mine can interfere with anything in Zim's base! It's like a brick wall filled with nothing as far as my computer can tell!" Gaz heard the thud of Dib's briefcase, then the heavy footfalls toward the couch._

_"Uh-huh, yeah, wait a minute, I'm trying to kill a giant turtle." Gaz had the system held above her head, thumbs going light speed, Zim quietly cheering her on with grunts and subtle arm jerks._

_"Well, speed it up! I need your opinion on a couple new theories of mine!" The cushions dipped, signaling the addition of a third body on the far side._

_"Whatever theories you have, Dib, they're all wrong," Zim chimed in, sounding just as distracted as Gaz. "Oof, almost fell into the lava pit! Gettin' sloppy, aren't we, Earthling?"_

_"Pssh, shut up, Zim, I got theories for_ days _. One of them is bound to be correct."_

_Three._

_Two._

_One._

_Gaz could swear she heard the sound of Dib's eyelids slamming open._

_"HEY, WAIT, WHAT IS ZIM DOING ON OUR COUCH, G-"_

_________________

"Gaz?"

The breakneck reversal of gravity sent Gaz scrambling for a hold on the seesaw's handle. She hadn't been several feet in the air a second ago - what gives?

Her answer came in the form of an awkwardly smiling Dib, seated on the ground, holding the wooden structure down. 

"Dib. What the hell, man, you couldn't wake me up like a normal person?"

"I couldn't tell you were dozing off! Your eyes are always closed, I figured you just had an eagle eyed watch on something over there!"

Gaz grunted, unconsciously rubbing at one of her eyes to clear the sleepy blur from the edges of her vision. Well, this is what she gets for staying up later than normal and walking across town the following day.

Gaz's legs swung in the air, trying to touch the dirt below. When they couldn't, Gaz huffed and bounced impatiently on her side of board. "Yeah, yeah, I know, I shoulda got glasses as a kid, we've been through this before. Will you put me down now?"

"Perhaps." Dib began copying Gaz's bouncing routine, making the seesaw jostle and jolt. "But only if you promise to come with me over to the slides."

"What?" Gaz had both hands glued to the little metal handle in an attempt to stay seated. Admittedly, she could probably jump from here and suffer nothing more than a dirt scuff on her sneakers. The lack of weight on her end might even make Dib tumble backwards. Tempting, tempting. "Come on, it's a million degrees out here. The house sucks, but at least there's air conditioning."

Dib's smile dipped. He quit bouncing, only for his feet to start shifting and digging little half-circles into the wood chips. "Maybe? But, uh, give me five minutes of your time. 'Sall I ask." 

This brought an intruiged tilt to Gaz's head. Five minutes. That was just long enough to be considered stalling. At the same time, there was a lot that could be said in that time frame, given Dib had worked out his mental blocks and didn't beat around the bush any longer than he already had.

There was a shared look - pleading, skeptic, begrudging. Then, a sigh and brief nod.

"Five minutes. Now let me down."

Soon enough, Gaz found herself clambering up a ladder made for people half her size to huddle under a dirty plastic roof overseeing a garish yellow tube slide. In the slide, her brother lay on his stomach, fingers curved over the lip of the slide's entrance. His cheek was pressed to the floor, eyelashes resting above his cheekbones and glasses pushed askew. 

There was honestly no way he could be comfortable. Gaz could feel the heat permeating from inside the chute, and there were three seperate nests for three seperate stinging insects visible before the first curve downward.

"Did you bring me up here to watch you cook yourself? Or are you gonna try to communicate with the bees again?"

A frown distorted Dib's already misshapen facial expression. "Nah, lost the ability to do that a while back. Guess the vampire bee thing eventually does wear off. Kinda unfortunate, honey was really growing on me."

_Bonk_ , said the back of Gaz's head as it collided with a round glass dome. 

"Focus, dumbhead. What are we doing here?"

"Oh yeah, that."

To Gaz's completely sincere and not at all sarcastic delight, Dib said nothing more. Her only offered answer was the stillness of the air and the far-off humming of insects enjoying their summer break. 

She let out a puff of air and started tapping on her knees. Patience, universe, grant as much patience as humanly possible.

And so, Gaz waited. And sweated. And waited.

Waited.

Sweated.

Waited…

Sweated…

Wait-

"I was in Washington. State, that is."

Gaz's brow curved in interest. Finally, some substance.

"Well, uh, that's not entirely true. My 'home base' was in Washington, but I spent a lot of time traveling all over the coast. Mainly the Pacific Northwest-"

"Oh my actual God," Gaz interrupted, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Dib, did you run away solely to prove the existence of Batsquach?"

"No!" Dib jerked up, only to strike his head against the top of the slide and recoil in pain. "Hsss… no, that's not it. I would've waited until after graduation if tracking that beast down was all I wanted." He rubbed the top of his head, then peeked over the rims of his glasses. Meekly, he continued, "I'm getting ahead of myself, but I do actually have a few papers on my findings in regards to Batsquach _and_ quite a few others cryptids, if you want to look them over-"

"All in good time, Dib, but I'm not finished asking questions yet." Gaz sat up and hunched forward, mouth drawn into a petulant glower. Thus far, she hadn't heard anything she couldn't already guess. Moreover, since his true reason for leaving would forever elude her, it sounded like he had run away from his life, his family, just to run about aimlessly searching the woods for monsters. 

Detestably selfish, horribly reckless, and so very, very like Dib. Too bad she couldn't say any of this aloud, lest he get distracted again. 

"Okay. So you went to Washington. Did you spend the entire time driving down back roads and screeching like a chimp?"

Dib restlessly turned around onto his back, eyes pointed cynically at Gaz. "A chimp? Why would I do that? There are plenty of other calls I could emul-"

" _Dib._ "

"Right, right. No, that wasn't all I did. Thanks for the vote of confidence, by the way," his voice flattened with a sour note.

Gaz lifted two fingers and flicked them off her temple in a mock salute. "Any time. Go on."

"Mmph." Dib's eyes drifted closed, like the deep inhale he was taking was filling him with dread instead of oxygen. "Well… a couple months after I left, that stupid human pack instinct kicked in, so I decided to try and find a town to stay at for a little while. Nothing permanent, just enough to get in my dose of human contact and keep from going fully insane." 

The silent jab Gaz could've made must have been loud, for Dib lazily raised a hand and muttered, "No comments from the nosebleed section, please."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Gaz lied. 

"Uh-huh. Anyway, on the outskirts of this town called Cougar, my van broke down. Never a good situation to be in, right? Well, somehow, that was probably the best thing that could've happened." Dib's eyes fluttered open, and the glimmer of warmth present caught Gaz by surprise. "A truck with an older couple passed by, and I was able to flag them down. After explaining the basics, they had a friend of theirs - he was a mechanic - come and tow the van, and then they let me stay the night at their place. I would've attempted to stay at a motel or something, mind you, but my cash supply was a little… non-existent."

"That sounds like a more reasonable explanation for a stint into civilization than your little wolf pack thing," Gaz cut in with a snarky lilt. 

Dib pointed again, a look of subdued offense pulling at his features. "Not necessarily! I paid attention when they'd randomly attempt to teach us wildlife survival skills in skool! I could've ate nothing but fish and small rodents and saved a lot of money!"

"Not after you bite into the wrong raccoon and contract rabies."

"I'm pretty sure we were both vaccinated for rabies?"

"Eh, don't remember. Go on."

Dib relaxed, shimmying up so he could rest his head against his crossed arms. "Right. So I stayed there, and it was fine, very hospitable of them. More hospitable than anyone had been to me in recent memory, even." Seemingly against Dib's control, a smile spread across his face. "As it turned out, they owned a diner in town, so they were used to hearing all about the misadventures of passerby cryptid chasers and paranormal enthusiasts like me. When I was able to show off some of my findings, I had them _floored_. They'd been collecting all these tales for over three decades, and I was spouting off things they'd never heard before. It was _awesome_. They must've thought so, too, because they let me stay another night to keep showing them my reports. Another night passed, then another, and pretty soon, when I went to leave, they were inviting me to stick around so I wouldn't be alone in the woods." He was beaming now, amber eyes big and round. "Can you believe it, Gaz? Almost sounds too good to be true, doesn't it?"

"Pssh, yeah, I bet you shat yourself repeatedly." Gaz adjusted herself so that her legs dangled off the metal platforms edge, over the ladder's rungs. Just in case, she didn't want to see the look on her brother's face when the next question had been asked. "Well… _was_ it too good to be true?"

"Not at all!" It sounded like Dib struck the inside of the slide with his heels out of excitement. "Trust me, I kept waiting for a punchline, or guys in white coats to pop out of the bushes and take me away, but that never happened! Momma and- uh, no, Shaundra and Murphy were genuinely interested in what I had to say!"

Gaz's head whipped around a little too quickly. She'd been chill - relieved, even - hearing that he'd finally had the moment in the spotlight he'd been craving since he was in diapers, but that slip up in his words…

Was this confusion she was feeling? Yeah, must be it. 

Dib shrank back from her, holding up a palm in defense. "What? It's shocking, I realize that, but-"

"No, no." Gaz looked down, shook her head, and made herself crack a smirk. "Can't believe you conned an innocent old couple out of room and board by telling ghost stories. You had it easy, for a vagabond."

"Ah ah, no, you didn't let me finish." Dib wagged a finger, then shuffled back around to lay on his stomach to better look at his sister. "I got hired on at their diner part time. I worked, did my fair share around the house, and gave them only the best presentations after my biweekly excursions up and down the coastline."

"Oh, my bad," Gaz spoke up with a more genuine twinge to her smirk. "You conned them out of room, board, _and_ a stable job with plenty of time off to have a life."

"I didn't 'con' anyone, thanks," snarked Dib, chin mashed against his palm. "God, Gaz, good to know you still think nobody would genuinely want me around."

"Hey, c'mon, you know that wasn't directed at you specifically," said Gaz, thanking the stars above that nobody could ever tell when she purposefully avoided eye contact. "You know how humans are. Can't blame me for thinking these ones might also fall into the same patterns."

"Meh, I suppose not." Up went Dib's other forearm, and his jaw was comfortably cupped so his body could recline in a lazy cobra pose. "And honestly, you aren't entirely wrong. They never specifically said so, but like, I might've been helping ease their empty nest syndrome? They have like four kids, but they don't really visit. How would you react if the universe dumped a scrappy teenage boy on your front lawn after your own kids won't even message you on Facebook, y'know?"

"Teenage boys are worse than Lucifer himself. I'd probably throw a lawnmower at this hypothetical wretch."

"Heh heh, I know _you_ would, but some people have hearts." His eyelids lowered, like his mind was beginning to tiptoe away from the present. "I dunno, I didn't mind all that much. Sure, it was weird at first when they insisted I call them Mom and Dad, but it was never a… _bad_ weird? I 'unno, they were pretty cool… " His words fizzled out, buried into his palms with the rest of his face.

Gaz's neck sloped curiously at this sudden wane of enthusiasm. This wasn't exactly how she herself would react to having the good life. They must be reaching an unsavory part in the story. 

Fuck her running. 

Deftly, Gaz reached her hand out and took hold of Dib's wrist. A quick tug revealed one side of his face, to which Gaz asked with set brows, "If that was the case, then why aren't you still with them?"

Dib jerked back a bit, slapping his hands down to keep himself steady. Not blessed with Gaz's eternally lidded eyes, the way his avoided hers was painfully obvious. "Uh, well, that's an easy one. Remember what I said last night about my stuff?"

"Yeah, the fire, I recall. But if these two basically adopted you, why should that matter? They probably could've helped you get new clothes. Or, hell, if it was mostly about your computers, maybe they would've wanted to ride with you back here?"

Dib's mouth curved into an unsteady sneer. He tried to pull his hand away from Gaz, but could only sigh when her grip proved to be infallible. "Uhh, nah, no, I highly doubt that."

"Why?" Somehow, Gaz's eyes got ever more narrow. "Did something happen?"

Dib looked up again, eyebrows raised as though Gaz had started speaking in tongues. "Uhhh, yeah? The fire? I thought you were listening?" 

"I… was. I don't think I follow your logic here. These people wouldn't really have a reason to be upset with you unless you yourself burned their house down, and even then, I don't think you would do that on-"

Her chest emptied of oxygen when Dib winced and chuckled. _Guiltily_ chuckled.

"Wh… " Gaz retracted her arm and rose to her knees. No. That can't be right. Dib definitely had no regards for other peoples' property, but flat out arson? Against… "family"? How far off the deep end had her brother gone? "Dib, you did _not-_ "

"Yeah, I didn't, exactly!" Down went his eyes, up raised his voice. "I don't know what happened, honest! I came back from grocery shopping since they were off on a trip, and the house was just… ablaze!" 

The panic in Dib's voice softened Gaz's stiff posture. There, this made more sense. Noisy, panicky sense that she'd need to de-escalate.

Sighing in exasperation, Gaz pressed her palms against her thighs and leaned over her brother like a lamp in an investigation room. "Okay, so you weren't physically there when it started. That _should_ mean you weren't the cause, right? There were no, I don't know, remote bombs you were testing?"

Dib's face scrunched up in predictable confusion. "Why would I be constructing a-"

"It was hypothetical, Dib, I'm trying to be reasonable. Let me rephrase- could it have been any of your tech? Maybe a trap you were making that falsely went off?"

"Mmmmm no, I don't think so! I hadn't touched the equipment shed in three weeks!"

"Alright then… was the house old? Maybe it was faulty wiring? It's literally always faulty wiring."

"Maybe? I swear to God, I don't know!" He was getting jittery, whiny… genuinely upset. 

"Hmm… " Gaz backed up, resting thoughtfully on her haunches. "Calm down, I'm not the cops. If you start crying, I'm pushing you down the slide."

"Why do you always think I'm a blink away from bursting into tears!? I hardly ever cry, thank you very much!" 

"You also hardly ever find yourself in a situation where you blame yourself for the destruction of a sweet old couple's home." Composed as ever, Gaz crossed her arms and let her head fall backwards. "What's really the matter here, then? Shockingly, you're _still_ not making sense."

There was frantic scratching on plastic, and suddenly, the sun was blocked. Gaz opened an eye to investigate, only to have to shrink away from Dib's looming presence.

"Nothing new there, right?" Jesus, how many teeth did this boy _have_?

"Dib, what the hell, personal space!" 

His unnerving grin faltered. "Uh...right, yeah, backing up now." True to his word, Dib returned to the slide. He perched on the lip of the chute, elbows on knees and head in hands. "It's just… all the neighbors were separated by trees… by the time gawkers started showing up, all they saw was a figure in dark clothes hanging out of a van." His torso began swaying back and forth. "Everyone probably thought I did it… I didn't want the police showing up and taking me away… haaaah… "

Oh God, oh no, not an attack, not now.

"Hey, hey, hold on." Gaz hurriedly stood up and shifted to the farthest corner on the platform. The more space he had to breathe, the better. "Dib, think a minute. In two years, I'm willing to bet the neighbors were all at least a little aware of your existence. Did you give any of them reason to suspect you of being a destructive maniac?"

"Hnnn no? But when has that ever mattered? Hasn't everybody always jumped at the chance to pin stuff on me? I'm always the bad guy, right? A disappointment? A failure-"

Gaz pressed her hands to her ears and ground her teeth together. "Not a therapist, Dib, I could go without the emotion dump!" 

Silence, if the creaking of the slide didn't count. 

Gaz knew that wasn't what Dib needed to hear. Would that she herself could hear anything over the roar of blood in her ears. 

It was just… too much. She couldn't properly say he'd committed self-sabotage, because he was _right_. Throughout their youth, Dib found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time… a _lot_. He'd get blamed for something, or some minor sin would get blown to massive proportions, and he'd wind up at the bottom of a dogpile. If all the things that actually were his fault were taken into account, Gaz really couldn't blame him at all for acting as he had. 

God, if only she had all the pieces to the puzzle, she could probably handle this more adequately. Better stick to basic questioning for now.

Lowering her arms, Gaz took in a heaving breath and regarded her brother with open eyes. When she spoke, it was soft, like a verbal flick to the forehead. "Let's take a step back from the failure talk. It's kind of irrelevant right now. Are you listening, Dib?"

Dib didn't look up, but he offered a hesitant nod. 

"Good. I'll keep it simple. You took off right after the fire. Right?"

Nod.

"And you didn't contact, uh, Shaundra and Murphy when you left, did you?"

Shake. 

"And you probably won't be going back after you pack up here, will you?"

Shake. Miniature sniffle, snuffed out by a cough.

"Then where _are_ you going?"

No discernible response.

"Dib. Do you have a plan?"

Still nothing. Even the rocking stopped. 

"Dib."

A deep, sputtery sigh, then two watery pools of brown atop a smile so forced that it twisted Gaz's innards.

"If I told you, it would spoil the surprise."

Gaz didn't think she could sigh harder than before, but here she goes surprising herself. 

"Let me guess - some place with woods, or that one town in West Virginia."

Dib snorted. "No, the second option would be too predictable. I don't know, I'll… " As Gaz predicted, his voice cracked, and the pools in his eyes began to drip. "I'll think of somewhere. Someplace far enough away that I won't have to concern myself with things like this. Being a disappointment or a harbinger of bad luck. I can just… _exist_." Before Gaz could react, Dib leaned back, lying headfirst in the slide. "No good comes from being around people, Gaz. I really should've taken the hints years ago."

"Pssh, you don't need to tell _me_ that. I've known all along that people suck." Gaz walked to the entrance of the slide, resting a hand on the top and looking in at Dib with a pronounced frown. "But I really don't think this is the way to handle it. You acknowledged that people need each other to some degree to even _function_. You'd go insane in the woods. Or get eaten by a bear. I'll admit it, you're insanely cooler when not digested and involved in the 'if a bear shits in the wood' riddle."

Dib laughed - a hollow sound, amplified by the slide's echo. "People already think I'm nuts, Gaz. Nothing would really change, by that logic." 

"Dib, you're crying in a slide. I get the feeling you aren't taking yourself seriously right now. You know there's got to be-"

"No." Gaz shut up, eyebrows lifting in shock. Dib's voice had lowered, filled with a sureness she hadn't heard since grade school. "There isn't another way. I still can't fully tell you why, but believe me, getting out of the public's line of sight is what's best for me. I'm not what Dad needed, I never really fit in anywhere for long, and now, I realize that even going as far as making new relationships thousands of miles away is pointless. Humanity doesn't need me."

"That… is the most depressing shit I've ever heard. Should I be worried that you'll drive off a canyon if I let you leave?" 

Dib shook his head. "No. I'm not that far gone. Like I said, I still want to exist. It's just that I can't exactly do that in these parts."

Gaz scowled, slamming a fist against a random metal bar. God damn, he seemed painfully certain of things. She couldn't convince him that his worries were manageable if she didn't even _know_ all of them. She couldn't keep him here long enough to talk with their father without risking any chance of ever talking to him again. She certainly couldn't agree with his plans in good conscience without feeling like she'd just signed his death certificate. 

Was there something else she could appeal to?

Her mouth twitched. Hell yeah, there was. 

"Well," Gaz drawled, "I guess that's all peachy, but it sounds like you forgot that you _did_ fit in with someone once. Someone that isn't human."

_Cha-ching_ , she smugly thought when Dib sat up on his elbows and lost that far-off look on his face. 

"You mean Zim?"

"No, I mean your other alien best friend."

"Ehhh, that's a stretch, he never openly said that we-"

"Shut."

Dib huffed, swiping at his cheeks to clear away a stray tear. "Pfft, what about him? I'm surprised he's still here, I guess, but one Irken doesn't outweigh billions of humans… and Dad."

"You heard him at breakfast. He took over the state while you were gone." Gaz bent over and poked her head into the slide, aggressively wiggling her eyebrows for emphasis. "He made headway while you were gone. If you're never coming back, imagine how much more of the planet he could conquer."

When Dib pursed his lips and lowered his head, Gaz couldn't help but mentally pat herself on the bat. Thank God her brother would always take the bait if it involved Z-

"I actually don't think that's a big deal."

It took her entire will to keep from collapsing. 

What.

Zim taking over the world… not a big deal.

This wasn't happening.

No.

"You aren't Dib." Gaz stated bluntly. "My brother wouldn't say that."

The "imposter" shrugged, cheek crinkling in a 'what can I say?' kind of way. "It's common sense! He put everything back every time he took over! Also, unless I missed something, his leaders are likely still dead, so I doubt the Irken Empire is even _thinking_ of Earth right now. Eh, maybe I could see him again one more time before I go, throw punches for old times sake, but honestly… I'm not worried about him pulling anything."

One second. 

Two.

Three.

Gaz was speechless. Things really and truly were unfixable.

Unfortunate.

"Hey!-" 

Gaz vented her frustrations by planting a foot on Dib's stomach and shoving him down the slide. When his top half emerged at the bottom, she clambered down the ladder, strode up to him, and calmly declared, "That was longer than five minutes. You owe me pizza for that."

__________________________  
  
  


While Gaz dragged Dib away from the jungle gym, a small, purple, antlered fellow that had been hanging out inches above their heads cooed and began floating in the opposite direction. Gosh, did he have a story to tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this made me really miss swings, not gonna lie. 
> 
> Thanks for reading up to this point!   
> My Tumblr:  
> \- [My Tumblr](https://canada-maplehockey.tumblr.com)  
> 


	5. Dear Invader, Count Me In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprising no one, implying that Zim might be holding out for dead men is a crime. Dib manages to get a reward anyway.

"Run it again!" 

"No."

"I said, run the test again!" 

" _No,_ Zim. The first twenty scans should be sufficient. The satellites are functioning _past_ their capabilities. That isn't the issue-"

"Don't speak to me about issues when you aren't even functional enough to follow a simple order!" 

A synthetic sigh rumbled through the room. "I followed the order swiftly and efficiently every instance up to now. However, repeating an action over and over again while expecting a different outcome qualifies as insanity. I'm attempting to remain _sane_."

This wasn't an uncommon scene, as of late: Zim, trying his hardest to reason with the impossible machine while it dawdles and refrains from doing its job. Angering, but not much to be done, given the lack of an appropriate replacement. Still, the frustration once again sent Zim to his knees, pounding his fists against the ground. 

The computer should consider itself lucky that it was the floor that Zim was striking.

It was being utterly ridiculous! If the static on-screen wasn’t clearing, the problem must lie in its own connection, not the satellites Zim painstakingly repaired! Surely the few times it had tried scanning for the Massive thus far was enough to have cleared away the metaphorical cobwebs and allow for full functionality, right? At this rate, Zim would have to make GIR climb up into the rafters and manually drag a cleaning rag through all the tubes and connecters just to be certain.

“What’s the point of _you_ staying sane if I am slowly drifting away from that point myself? You’re useless without me commanding you!” Primary digit jabbed toward the ceiling, Zim angrily squinted an eye and demanded, “Fine! If you want to refuse this line of action, then how about you instead-”

“Attempt direct communication with the Massive? Despite it not appearing on any of my maps or, most contradictingly, available communication lines? I’ve explained this, there aren’t _any_ available lines to any part of Irk. It’s as if we’re in a dead zone.”

The computer was answered by the pounding of gloved flesh to tile and exasperated grunting. Zim was too involved in his rage to have been listening past the initial lack of action. 

“Why do you refuse to obey me!?” Zim roared, shooting back to his feet. 

“If you would pay attention even when it doesn’t benefit you, you would know,” the computer said.

“But Zim demands benefits!”

“I am aware. Nothing I can do to change the facts I’ve been presented with.”

Zim’s frame began vibrating, his antennae pressed flat to his head. After a low grumble broke the silence, he dragged a hand down his face, hid his eyes behind his palm, and yelled for his most trusted… scratch that, most currently available henchman. Said henchman came rolling in from the kitchen, globules of granola stuck at random points on his body. 

“Yeeesss?” GIR sang, producing a granola bar from his open head and pulling open the wrapper.

“Fetch a mop or rag or something like that, and clean the exterior of the computer’s wiring. Be careful about it, I don’t need it breaking on me any further than it already has.”

If GIR responded, Zim hadn’t heard it. Instead, the Irken had dragged himself to the couch and slammed onto it. His head sagged back, and once again, he grumbled deeply into the otherwise still air.

Now more than ever, Zim needed the universe to work with him. These delays had been intolerable when he’d taken over the humans and was unable to reach the Tallest to showcase his work. At least back then, there had technically been little rush to reach them - nobody wished to oppose him, after all. Earth could be his plaything for as long as he wanted. With Dib’s return, however, that all changed. Zim could only assume the boy had been off in some smelly corner of the globe further preparing himself for facing Zim’s wrath, and that was… not a _gigantic_ threat, of course, but not something to be completely ignored. 

How rude of Dib, coming back when Zim’s hands were tied like this. Had he been keeping tabs on him after all? Clever boy. Clever, horrible, shockingly efficient boy. Zim couldn’t say there wasn’t immeasurable anticipation to be had in picking back up their conflict, though. Dib would be perfect to take all his frustrations out on. He had it coming, leaving unannounced as he had.

All the lost time to be made up. The dirt worm had better fight tooth and nail to earn it back before Zim finished repairing his computer. What a shame it would be for him to have all his offscreen training go to waste at the hands of the Tallests~.

Zim was unconsciously smiling like a dope, blankly staring upwards while dust and other more worrisome debris fell from above. His revelry was broken by an entirely different item hurling itself at his face from the exact opposite direction of the dust stream.

“Ahh!” Zim exclaimed, scrabbling to grab hold of the projectile.

“Nya,” said the projectile, smiling warmly up at his master.

“Minimoose? What are you doing back here? I thought I stationed you with the humans!” Zim’s brow lifted, both from confusion and the welt forming from the impact.

“Nya!”

“Something of great importance to tell me?" Zim sat up straight, holding his arms erect above him so that Minimoose was staring down into his eyes. "Well, what is it? It's unlike you to leave your post, so it had better be good!"

"Nya!" Minimoose wiggled his little nubbins.

Zim's brow leveled in dissatisfaction. "I already knew of Dib's state. That's why I asked you to look after him and Gaz, remember?"

"Nya."

Interested, Zim's antennae bounced upward. "He revealed his plans going forward? Tell me what he said!" The little moose was promptly jiggled in the air, along with Zim and his entire body thanks to his kicking legs. "Tell me so I can have the upper hand! Tell me! Tell!"

"Nya… nya." 

All the excited energy froze up. Zim's eyes suspiciously narrowed. "Leaving to parts unknown? That's ridiculous! He came back, didn't he? Why would he leave again without once coming to see Zim? _I_ had to go to _him_!"

"Nya."

Down went the moose in Zim's rapidly sagging arms. His face was contorting in equal parts confusion, hurt, and rage, though his voice only betrayed the final option. "Not a threat!?" He screeched, clutching Minimoose to his chest. "Impossible! You must have heard him wrong! Dib wouldn't… he's _always_ seen me as a threat! Rrgh, mayhaps he knew you were there and played a mind game or two! He lies often enough, maybe-" 

"Nya," came a muffled reply.

Raspberry eyes stretched open wide. Minimoose was thrown forward, giving Zim enough room to lurch to a stand. "He thinks the Tallests are _what_!?" He stamped once, then threw his head back, chest puffed out and fists clenched in the air. "Computer! Are you clean enough to detect the Massive's presence yet?"

"Yes. GIR's manhandling opened my sensors like never before. ...not a single sign of them, _again_. Be still, your beating spooch pump, I know this must be surprising news."

"Raaagh!" Zim grabbed his antennae and yanked. His teeth were clenched, barely able to hold back the curses he so desperately wanted to scream. "Grrr rrrrrr RRRRGGGHHHH!!"

"That isn't being still," chastised the computer, despite the obvious fact that Zim heard nothing over his own growling. 

"This won't do at all! If I can't locate the Tallests to disprove these _outrageous_ claims, then Dib will… " Zim ceased his disgruntled elbow wiggling long enough to open his eyes and glare at the floor. His torso pulsated with frenzied breathing, made worse by the hazed stream of information crashing its way through the banks of Zim's mind. "He will… "

_leaveagainnotcareaboutmei'llbealonewherearethetallestsohcomenowyouknowthey'reactuallygo-_

"He'll think he's won!" Back to attention, Zim crossed his arms underneath his PAK and abruptly turned toward the kitchen. "I can't afford him having more fuel to his grotesquely large ego! A human's ego determines the size of their head, after all, and we don't need that thing getting any bigger!" Boots clacked against the floor, leading the determined Irken toward his infamous trash can chute. "If reaching the Massive via transmission is no use, I'll simply have to get more hands-on!" Zim wrenched the can open with his hands and threw a leg over. Before falling in, he looked back at his henchman and barked, "GIR! Minimoose! Get the Voot into extended travel condition!"

"But we just went for a drive, di'n't we? We was all 'whoosh!' and stuff," GIR said, miming the action with another granola bar. 

"Yes, we were," Zim supplied. "This is different." His eyes peered down into the elevator. For a moment, it seemed as though he'd rather not descend, given the downcast shadow over his visage. He got over it with a huff, and soon enough, his whole body was in the hatch.

"We'll be gone a bit longer this time. Make sure the Voot is fully fueled. Also… " One hand released the edge of the can. "Pack up anything you don't want to leave behind. By around midnight, if you would. I'll be disassembling the base by then."

"Nya?" Minimoose tilted in midair. Confusion marred his normally cheerful smile.

"Yes," Zim said quietly, slipping his remaining hand down and ducking out of view. "Relocation will be in order, one way or another."

The lid swung closed with a resounding _clank_.

__________________

Hours later, not too far away, another lid clanked shut. A toilet lid, of a toilet that had just been thoroughly vomited into. The figure whose dinner was lost hugged the bowl, groaning softly, before lifting up to a wobbly stand. While the toilet was flushing, the human sidestepped to the sink. Clammy hands held firm to the stained porcelain, and amber eyes rimmed with dark bags looked back from the mirror.

Dib wasn't having a good night. 

He shouldn't have been surprised when Gaz dragged him to Bloaty's for lunch, nor when she took him with her to the grocery store so she could shop uninterrupted by Dib pushing the cart. She hadn't taken his plans - or lack thereof - very well, and it was no secret that she was far less accommodating to his needs when she was pissed. Dib had put on his bravest face, but seeing all his old townsfolk, catching glimpses of a former classmate or two working behind counters, waiting for a shout of recognition, of _mockery_ …

The fact that he'd only just now vomited would have impressed him, if only another wave of anxiety hadn't clenched his innards and sent him scrambling for the bowl again. 

"So much for exposure therapy, huh, Dad?" Dib bitterly muttered into the swirling water, speaking more to a memory than to himself. 

He dared not move from the floor, fearing another bout of sickness. Dib's body hadn't undergone this much stress in quite some time; no amount of scrapes and falls from cryptid chasing compared to a malfunctioning amygdala. It was worse than he remembered, and once again, Dib cursed the forces above that dictated he must return to this horrible place. 

Did he really _have_ to be punished for finding happiness? It was so unfair. 

Soon enough, Dib was able to drag himself back to his room. The door feebly closed behind him, and the bed was there to break his fall. The ceiling provided a blank canvas to backdrop Dib's rampant thoughts, the first of which went something like "man, I really should have decorated the ceiling more so I wouldn't be alone with my thoughts".

Dib wanted to leave. Badly. _Severely_. Had Gaz not kept him downstairs all evening, distracted by movies, he could have been fully packed by now. Were he not concerned of a confrontation, he'd run downstairs and stock up on trash bags to fill with clothes. Too bad it was nearly midnight, which was equivalent to late evening to his sister. She was likely stationed in the living room right now, privy to his every action. No doubt she'd heard his vomiting spell and knew he was awake. He was stuck, at least until tomorrow.

The issue was that he didn't _want_ to be.

Restlessly, Dib flipped over onto his side. His possessions sprawled out in front of him, untouched to this very instant. He shut his eyes and sighed.

Even if he couldn't leave, he still needed to get out of here until he could fall asleep and not be aware of his surroundings. 

Dib was up and flicking on his old wall of monitors in seconds flat. Now was as good a time as any to see if his destination of choice was fit to visit, he guessed. 

The glimpses of Zim's base filled the pit in Dib's stomach to the brim with a warm, sloshy feeling. After ensuring it wasn't another bout of retching, Dib stood up straight and crossed his arms, taking it all in - the mint green exterior, lawn dotted with the same old gnomey eyesores; the checkered floors, underlining walls dotted with random portraits of monkeys; the garish colors of the furniture, seemingly chosen by a colorblind fruit fly. 

Not a thing out of place, except for the… copious amounts of trash littered everywhere. 

Dib's brow wrinkled. Trash? In the immaculate Zim's household? That can't be right. There was only trash piled up when Zim was sad about something, and he'd seemed fairly normal when Dib saw him that morning. So then what-

_KSSH_

_KSSH_

_KSSH_

Startled, Dib looked to the side of the living room camera to see the alien himself, brandishing a broom as wide across as Zim was tall. He appeared to be shoving the debris toward the door, much to the dismay of GIR, who was clutching his master's boot and wailing. A quick re-check of the lawn's cam confirmed Dib's suspicion - it had been too dark to see at first, but there were several smaller piles of junk littered on the grass.

Dib's face softened to a curious frown. What was Zim doing, cleaning so late at night like this? It was no secret that he found bacteria and uncleanliness to be detestable, but couldn't he have finished this up hours ago? And he seemed so… bothered? Not so much disgusted, as would make sense in this situation, but… genuinely upset about some unspoken thing. Downcast eyes, high-hunched shoulders, lack of disciplining GIR as the robot hugged all circulation from Zim's thigh - not a good sign to be spoken of. 

"What's got you all mad, Zim?" Dib couldn't help leaning forward and placing his fingertips against the humming screen. He squinted, trying to pinpoint some hint in Zim's posture or the piles around him, when a loud whirring sent him jumping back. 

A few monitors up, a more aerial view of the base displayed the steep roof parting open. In plain view, Zim's Voot Cruiser began lifting off its landing pad. There was no obvious driver.

"What the hell?" Dib said under his breath, arms lowering to a more splayed position by his sides. "He's gonna get himself seen! That idiot!"

Not that he needed the encouragement, but now Dib had no choice but to rush to his window and catapult out of it. He almost missed the downspout in his haste, but he latched on and slid the rest of the way down. The landing rattled his shins, but he could only hiss and crawl toward the road to ensure Gaz couldn't see or hear him. 

Maybe the pained shriek he had in him would come in handy later.

__________________

Another spray of dust shot up into the air, every last particular finding its way directly into Zim's eyes and mouth. His eyes watered, and the urge to cough was immense, but he couldn't afford another break to cleanse himself. He was on a tight schedule - far be it from Zim to be late for anything, least of all a timeframe of his own designation. The dust buildup was obviously GIR's fault. He could have stood to clean up the rafters ages ago. 

Speaking of GIR.

"But I don't wanna leave 'em behind!!" GIR clung to the bottom of Zim's tunic, threatening to rip it with his erratic jostling. "They my friends! Who's gonna take 'em to the beach if I go into space with yew!? They gotta come!!"

"For the final time, GIR, there will be plenty of rocks and stuffed animals on other planets for you to acquaint yourself with," Zim said flatly. His focus remained on his broom, but he couldn't help the grimace that sprouted when his robot shimmied further up his body and wrapped himself around Zim's PAK.

"It not the saaaaaame!!" GIR held out the final word for several seconds. He began tugging on the silver pod, jockeying for Zim's attention.

GIR got attention, alright. Zim rushed to the door, flinging out the latest pile he'd gathered up. Once the broom was emptied of its burden, Zim's arms shot behind him in search of the irritant. Too slow - GIR hurled himself up and starfished on the top of Zim's head. 

"MY FRIEEEENDS!!!" The robot screamed right by Zim's poor unsuspecting ear canals.

"AAAAGH!" Zim screamed back. "GIR! Release me! We can't afford to waste any time!" He seized his minion by the middle and lifted up. All he accomplished was having his upper eyelids stretched and painfully snapped ( which only worsened the stream of tears from the filthy dust cloud ). To make matters worse, GIR dove into deeper hysterics. Deeper, louder hysterics. 

Zim's head was beginning to pound. How would he be able to stay on top of things over the din of artificial sorrow? Midnight was fast approaching, and the living room was still a mess! The base couldn't be minimized until it was spotless!

At least no human was around to see this disastrous turn of events.

…

Hey, where did GIR just projectile himself off to? Zim didn't recall getting through to him about the "leaving the rocks and stuffed animals behind" dilemma. 

"Hm?" Baffled, Zim ran his hands all over himself whilst looking this way and that. No, really, where was GIR? 

"Zim has no time for these games!" He hiked up a leg and peered underneath it. "If you're trying to play hide and seek, I-"

"Master! Look who I found!" 

There, from the street! Zim angled his head over his shoulder from his turned around position, more than prepared to yell at GIR for "befriending" another piece of gravel. The air immediately whooshed out of him at what he found himself seeing instead. 

GIR was hanging off of the annoyingly long cowlick of Dib, who was limping forward with a strained look on his face.

"It's your tree man! He smells like a toilet!"

Zim bristled. Oh, _now_ he decides to show up? After having all day? 

Zim's bottom teeth poked out in a show of anger. He thrust his head up and closed his eyes, threading his arms together behind his back. In an attempt to appear disinterested, Zim hummed and shrugged off GIR's declaration. "Get off of that, GIR, you don't know where it's been."

The Dib-human sighed, though Zim refused to acknowledge him. When he got closer, Zim simply turned on his heel and faced the opposite direction. 

"Come on, Zim, now isn't the time for this! Whatever you're mad about, it's got you acting irrationally!" A stripe of a shadow darkened Zim's already hindered vision, indicating that Dib had raised his arm. "Why do you have the Voot out in plain sight? You know not everyone's in bed by now, all it'll take is one passerby-"

"The one passerby I've encountered thus far seems unnaturally keen on my preservation, actually. Those are odds I can work with." Zim opened his eyes and spun back around, face pinched into skeptical annoyance. "Why _did_ you pass by here, anyway? Did your instinct to point out my wrongdoings outweigh your antisocial tendencies?"

Dib sputtered. He raised his hands and crooked his fingers, bending forward with one narrowed eye. "Antisocial? You know I can't control when I have an attack! I thought you understood that!"

"Zim comprehends your inferior brain abnormalities," he said evenly. "I recall you having gotten them more under control before your disappearance. What happened to your medication?"

Dib stood up and awkwardly leaned to the side. He reached up to rustle the back of his rodent's nest, noticeably keeping his eyes far away from Zim. "Eh, accidentally left it behind, couldn't exactly get more, long story." Sharply, he dropped his hand and pointed it straight ahead, eyes crinkled by an uncertain grin. "But it's fine! The past couple of days have just been really stressful! I have a good handle on it otherwise!"

Down dropped Zim's antennae against his skull. He bared his teeth, letting out a disbelieving chuckle. "You're purposefully handicapping yourself before going on another expedition into the unknown? Is it possible you got even more foolish over the past two years?"

The human boy's posture stiffened. "You know about that? Did Gaz tell you? Wait, no, she barely touched her phone all day." 

"As if I would wait on somebody else's terms to learn what I want to know," Zim droned. "Minimoose was stationed above you while you lazed around the larval entertainment grounds you frequented when you were younger. You refused to provide answers this morning, so I took it upon myself to speed up the communication process." Zim made a show of examining his claws and sarcastically added, "You're welcome."

Dib frowned and slumped his shoulders, rendered speechless by Zim's amazing logic, no doubt. "That's just your usual brand of eavesdropping, but you know what? Not even bothered. Saves me having to explain it all again." 

Without warning, Dib shook his head and leapt forward, forcing Zim to look up into his stern expression. A wall of sick-smell hit Zim's senses now that there was little space between them, causing him to gag and cover the flat expanse under his eyes. "Oh my _GOD_ , GIR wasn't kidding when he said you smell like a toilet! Back away!"

"Enough changing the subject!" Dib gestured up to the roof once again. "Close the roof if you're not doing anything with your ship! Are you _trying_ to get spotted?"

"Ha!" Zim took exactly four large steps back before planting his fists to his hips and putting on his most devious grin. "Your observation skills are weakening! If you'll look around, the reason for my Voot being active will jump out at you!" 

Dib blinked and took a moment to scan the yard. Stones, toys, dust bunnies the size of his head, various broken machinery bits… Somehow, the evidence didn't clue Dib in, for he looked back at Zim with a squint and exaggerated shrug. "Mm-mmeh?"

"Ugh, _no matter_ , " Zim turned back towards the entrance of his base, leaving Dib to stand alone with GIR still dangling from his hair. "You're distracting me! Leave at once!"

Zim only got as far as his front step before a call of "Wait a second!" slowed him down. He refused to allow himself to be visually distracted again, so he perked up an antenna to signal he was listening while grabbing the discarded broom from the floor.

"Uh… well, again, no idea what the garbage and the Voot have to do with each other. Maybe it's… are you doing a random trash haul? I thought you had a specific day for that. It's not the eighth."

"Good guess, but incorrect. Now, leave before the handle of this broom gets forcefully inserted into your nasal cavity."

"Oh, c'mon, don't be like that!" The sound of boots hitting the concrete slowly approached, encouraging Zim to speed inside and begin sweeping another pile. "This doesn't look all that deadly, maybe I could help you gather all this crap up? I bet you're dying to brag about how brutally you conquered the city, yeah? You could do that while we work!"

This gave Zim pause. Dib? Offering his services? To an activity whose goal he's entirely clueless to? How… rare. And incredibly tempting to seize the opportunity of. 

Unfortunately, Zim found that his displeasure with the Earthling outweighed what was, to him, common sense.

"You must think I'm pretty dumb, eh, Dib?" Arms still at work, Zim aimed a sneer over his shoulder. "I know you don't enjoy humoring my evildoing. You're grasping at straws so you can… eh… " He rolled one of his hands a couple times while he attempted to find the right words. "Continue being a thorn in my side? Kind of weird, if you think about it, considering you haven't had much interest in that as of late, have you?" He whipped back around, lukewarm venom lacing his final words. 

"Well, no, I, I guess not," Dib fumbled, "but only because I had other things I had to deal with!"

"Like what!?" Zim forcefully swept a particularly large pile of stuffies right at Dib, causing the boy to clumsily sidestep and warble in alarm. "What could be more urgent than defending your precious planet from the awesome might of Zim!?" The Irken jammed his elbow in Dib's gut as he passed, refusing to look up.

"Watch it!" Dib shouted while taking a half-step away from his suddenly violent host. "Look, I know everyone's having a hard time accepting my decisions, as usual, but I just… I _don't_ want to talk about it! It was big enough of a deal for me to act like I did, I promise that much, but-" 

"But nothing!" 

In an instant, Zim was standing by Dib's side, legs set and broom lifted like a baseball bat. It was getting to be too much for him, all this bush beating the human was doing. It was glaringly obvious that nothing of value was going to be said, and that wouldn't do. Zim had places to be!

"I don't have time for your cowardly avoidance of the question! You're only standing in the way! For the last time, _leave me alone, Dib_!" Zim's torso twisted, and the head of the broom collided with a satisfying _thunk_ against Dib's abdomen.

Rather, that's what should have happened. Unfortunately, the human was fast, and in another instant, Zim was dangling in midair. Dib had grabbed the handle and lifted broom and company up so that he could look Zim dead in the eye. 

He proceeded to extend it as far as his feeble arms would allow when Zim began striking out with his legs. How dare he not accept his fate!?

"Could you _not_ resort to hitting me for once? I wasn't finished!" Dib said, exasperation oozing from every aspect of his demeanor.

"Zim is finished listening! And you're supposed to hit irritating insects to rid yourself of them!" Zim replied, the ooze pouring right past him. 

"I'm not attempting to be irritating, I'm trying to help you!"

"Ha! Still so very full of lies! It's almost refreshing after all this time!" Zim began jerking left and right, trying to wrestle his cleaning equipment from the wretch's dirty hands. "Now shut up and give me the broom so I can finish clearing out GIR's things!"

Dib's eyes turned to stressed-out dinner plates. "Why are you trashing GIR's stuff at midnight!? And what's the Voot got to do with it?!" He straightened his back and jostled the squirming alien, saliva flying from how emphatically he declared his confusion. "I'm not the only one who needs to answer questions, Zim!" 

Despite having a good advantage, Dib lowered Zim back to the floor so a proper scuffle for the broom could ensue. The two boys tugged, growled, and toothily frowned themselves in a circle. One would yank the other closer, almost pulling the prize loose from their opponent's fists, only for the other to pull back just as hard and keep the cycle going. 

Eventually, Dib once again appeared to be gaining the upper hand. Zim, knowing this to be an impossible occurrence, instinctively shot out a PAK leg and held it over his head. A laser whined to life at the tip. 

"Oh, sorry, I don't wanna talk about it," Zim said in a mocking lilt.

"Oh, sorry that a rogue Irken doing weird things at night is more pressing than a random Mexican dude going missing, " Dib retorted, fist raised and tone just as lilty.

"Oh, sorry to interrupt, " interjected a voice from above. "But Zim, the moon won't be in prime position forever. Just putting that out there." 

"The moon? What's he want with the moon?" Dib asked, face now directed towards the Computer's voice. 

"Hello to you, too, Dib, " said the Computer. "Good to see you're still as inquisitive as you always were."

Dib pouted, obviously raring up for a barrage of questions and accusations to hurl. Zim took the opening he was given to fire off a miniscule laser bullet. It hit the hand Dib still had on the handle, causing him to squawk and reel back. 

"Ow! Christ's sake, Zim, how fucking important is this little chore of yours!?" Dib demanded, delicately rubbing his smoking knuckles. 

"VERY important!" Zim insisted. The broom was now cradled in his arms, like it was the child Zim had never wanted. "SO VERY important that you would need a second brain to be able to comprehend it!"

A few beats of silence passed, with Zim's eyes held wide open and intensely shiny while Dib grimaced and kept his injured hand protectively swaddled under his opposite palm. 

Without warning, Zim launched the broom at Dib, eyes doused of any and all enthusiasm. "Actually, maybe I _do_ need you to finish things up for me. There's a couple even more important and incomprehensible matters I need to attend to down below." He pointed a finger and spun his arm around the room. "Just make sure this all gets into a manageable pile outside. And make it snappy!"

Dib faltered, whipping his gaze from Zim to the broom to Zim and back again. "Wha… make it… dude, I've been gone too long, your mood swings make even less sense than they used to."

Zim sniffed, averting his eyes. "You weren't gone long enough if your being back is going to be this troublesome. I'd be SO much further along by now if not for your never-ending distractions!"

In his periphery, Zim saw Dib kneel and retrieve the broom from the floor, head cocked curiously to the side. "I've only been here a couple of minutes?"

"SILENCE! I define how long never-ending is!" Zim turned around, clacking his heels together. He lifted a leg and raised his form up high, putting on a show with his exiting march. "Now shut up and start sweeping! You'd better be done by the time I return, Dib-idiot, or I'll… I'll laser your other hand! Laser it _real good!"_

Dib whined back, but Zim tuned it all out. He strode to an elevator hidden by a wall panel, pressed a few buttons, and began the descent to one of the most sacred sectors of his lower base. 

Alone in the cab, Zim stood straight and tall, arms held firm against his sides. His face betrayed nothing, except for steadfast focus. He said not a word, made no offhand noises. He was the image of gravity, like a hardened soldier on his way to war. 

The doors slid open after a moment, bathing the immediate vicinity in the elevator's bright pink light. Zim stepped out without delay, and he reached over to flick a switch just beside him. The overhead panels buzzed to life, brightening up the place just in time for the elevator to close.

The very important sector was… incredibly tiny. It couldn't have been more than two or three Zim-lengths long, wide, or tall. The walls and floor were bare, and there wasn't a splash of color to be spoken of. The only defining features were the words written in Irken across the ceiling, and the singular pillow laying on a hovering metal plate. 

Zim sighed, letting his antennae flop in some strange unsavory feeling. He stood at attention a second longer, not looking forward to what he needed to do. Nevertheless, once his self-determined pause was over, Zim stomped forward with as much gusto as ever. He reached the floating pillow and picked it up with quivering hands. He regarded it blankly, bottom lip poking.

Then…

Zim lifted the pillow to his face and let out a long, shrill scream. 

How _dare_ the Dib be so scourge-y!? His presence often invoked ungodly rage in Zim, true, but never like this! That whole exchange had left Zim's chest feeling heavy and swollen, like he had become allergic to the creature. Who knows, maybe such a phenomenon is possible? He'd not been exposed to Dib's particular dander in a while, maybe this-

_youmissedhimdon'tdenyitandhedoesn'tviewitasanissuehe'sgoingtoleaveagainandthenyou_

"I'll have to prepare an antihistamine before I go," Zim declared aloud. "Computer! Put my medicinal station back online! I need to deal with these horrible chest aches if I want to be able to fly properly!"

There was no response. 

Zim clenched his jaw and jerked his head up toward the ceiling. "Computer! I've had enough of your dilly-dallying! Answer Zim at once!"

Still, no response. 

Zim growled and made to shout again, but he happened to catch sight of the ceiling first. The Irken script, written in bold, black text, read, "PANIC ROOM: NO ONE BUT ZIM ALLOWED UNLESS GRANTED ACCESS BY ZIM"

"Tch," Zim scoffed. "He should have sensed my vitals were out of whack and followed me anyway!" Once again, he shoved his face into the pillow and screamed his discontent away.

Now what!? These dreadful pangs were making it hard to focus on anything! Even screaming was becoming a challenge! 

No matter. Zim would simply stay down here until Dib was finished, then he could leave Earth for a spell and rejuvenate amongst the stars. He'd be perfectly healthy by the time he located the Massive, and when the Tallest were made aware of the planet's weakened state, the whole thing would be swept over with the organic matter erasing beam. No more worrying about these stupid allergies when that happened.

_exceptitisn'tthatsimpleyouwouldmisshimyouwouldmisshissistertooyou'vegrownfondof_

The pillow was hurled across the room, Zim following after in a snarling leap.

Yes. Yes! YES! How excited he was for this dirt heap to be wiped out! Maybe he could convince the Tallest to let him play with it a bit longer first, drive home the fact that the humans were no match for the Irken race! 

Good luck trying to drag Zim down when you're either a slave or a vaporized cloud, Dib! 

_____________________

Back at the surface, Dib was having an increasingly hard time finishing the task he'd begrudgingly accepted. No, it wasn't the copious amounts of stuff he had to move, nor the fact that there _being_ so much stuff made it hard to pile it all up. In fact, he was already almost finished with that part.

The problem was GIR constantly sneaking into the pile and burrowing legitimate tunnels through the structure. 

"GIR, PLEASE stop doing that! The whole thing's gonna come falling down on me, I can already tell!" Dib was hunched forward, hands on his knees. He peered into a brand new hold near the middle of the pile, eyebrow raised and frown prominent. "Work with me here!"

"I can't!" GIR called back. His voice had a strange echo to it. Cripes, how deep did this tunnel run?

"Why not?" Dib asked.

"Because I'm not around your 'here'! I'm over there!"

Dib dropped his head and groaned. "But you _could_ come over here if you wanted! I'll, uh, be your bestest friend?"

"Again? You already promised that! Don't our friendship mean nothing to you, Niel?" 

Shoot, he's good.

Dib pushed himself to a stand. Maybe he could work around GIR? He could worry about getting him out later, maybe with Zim's help. Not that Zim was helpful or anything, Dib bitterly reflected with a glance toward the house. 

Were it not for the escape from his own house, Dib might've regretted coming here. Zim being out of sorts was only manageable when it was clear what he was actually upset about. Surely this little episode wasn't only about Dib returning, right? There _had_ to be a better explanation. Hell, he should be happy, given his knowledge of Dib's imminent departure! He can return to systematically taking over segments of the world or exploring Neptune or whatever he'd actually been up to! 

"Dib, your face. Are you experiencing a seizure? I know GIR can be a bit much, but not even Zim has suffered epilepsy because of it."

"Henh?" Dib took a step back, startled by the deep voice, but relaxed upon remembering that the base could, in fact, talk. "Oh, uh, no, I guess I have to show I'm talking to myself somehow, even if it's not verbally."

"Hey, it's preferable to screaming. It's a shame Zim never picked up patience from you, it'd save me so many mechanical headaches."

"Pssh, Zim couldn't be patient if his life depended on it." Dib began digging the toe of his boot into the grass, absentmindedly pressing the head of the broom against looser sections of the knick knack stack. "Say, change of subject, but could you tell me what this is all about? What's Zim getting out of deep cleaning his house in the dead of night?"

"Hm? Oh, uh, as much as I'd love to bypass Zim's refusal to give a straight answer, I'm afraid I can't say."

"Why not?" Dib asked.

"I know which room he went into. I'd rather not chance him coming out mid-explanation and going hog wild. He'll wind up wasting even more time, then he'll be incredibly late in completing this little task of his, then he'll blame me because I _dared_ reveal his secrets… you see the bind I'm in?"

"Mm, yeah, I guess so," Dib said, slightly miffed. "Can you at least give me a hint? Should I be worried about it?"

"Uhhhh. That depends."

"On?"

"Do you still have a hero complex?"

Dib rolled his eyes and lifted a hand to curl around his temple. "No? I don't think so? It's… complicated. I don't actively wish harm on anybody, but I… I don't know, I don't really want to involve myself in helping anybody, either. Not anymore."

"Huh. That's a very neutral answer that's loaded down with conflicted thoughts and feelings. Not helpful in my deciding to answer your question."

"Ugh, okay, _no_ , then." Dib's hand moved to his face, lifting his glasses so he could pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Much more useful. You should find no issue in Zim's future actions. However, I kindly request that you try and talk him out of it. It's… an extremely dumb plan. I can't wait to see your face when he inevitably monologues about it."

"Oh, really, " Dib said flatly, eyelids lowered and gaze absently fixed on the ground. "We'll see, but it's looking more and more like he wants to barter information out of me. I doubt he'll come clean if I don't do the same. Not entirely fair, if you ask me, since the two secrets are on way different levels of importance, but it is what it is."

"Right, that part. Not to defend his stubborn tendencies, but Zim _has_ been left wondering where his arch rival ran off to for a long time now. He dislikes waiting… more than a normal amount."

"Yeah, we went over that." Dib retracted the broom from the pile and stood it upright. He gripped the top of the handle and lifted his chin, resting in delicately on his uninjured knuckles. "Anyhow, he'll have to keep on disliking it, because like I keep saying, don't wanna go into it. We'll have to agree to mutual disappointment."

Everything was quiet for a minute. Then, the porch light flickered, followed by a long, thoughtful hum courtesy of the Computer. 

"Can you give _me_ a hint? I'll swear to secrecy. I don't get much exciting gossip."

Dib winced and started minutely swaying on his perch. Great, now the AI with access to Zim's security system is hounding him. Well, this one doesn't have a dog in the ever-so complicated race, at least… 

"Hnnn… fine, there's no harm in telling you compared to my other options, but you'd better mean what you swore."

"Affirmative. Now, spill. I'm listening. _Listening_!" 

"Ah, geez, no need to yell…" Dib stuck a pinky in his ear and rapidly shook it to calm the newfound ringing. 

"Apologies. Now hurry up, Zim's in a wing I don't have authorization to. He could be back any second."

"Right, yeah, okay. Well… two summers ago, my dad accidentally let slip something that… honestly, should have put me through a bigger existential crisis than it did. Good thing I'm so open-minded, or else I might've actually lost my shit."

"Skipping town is a calm and collected disaster response?"

Dib shrugged. "Made sense to me at the time, and it still does now. I can't be here anymore."

"You probably won't get any more specific, but what could invoke an existential crisis in you? Objectively speaking, you're not an unintelligent human. Was it something lame like finding out your birth wasn't planned? That's approximately half of all conceptions in the United States alone."

Dib's face crunched up to a rancorous scowl. He grumbled, then closed his eyes and softened his features with a head shake. "Nope. My… birth… was a little _too_ planned… " To his surprise, he noticed his head was beginning to shake. Upon further inspection, the culprit was his unsteady limbs upsetting the broom he was leaning on. 

"Hm. You're having an anxious reaction. I'll call that sufficient information for now, " said the computer in a strangely sympathetic tone. "I'll show you more mercy than Zim, don't worry."

The breathed whooshed out of the poor chihuahua's lungs, and he slumped hard against his wooden stick. "Oh my God, thank you."

"Don't mention it. Now, onto something else I've been curious about, hopefully a matter that won't make you- ope, nevermind, I think the elevator just activated. Quick, look busy."

"Huh? No wait, what is it?" Dib straightened up, pivoting his body toward the house and reaching a hand out. "If it's not about the first thing, I might not mind as much if-"

"No, it's okay. I'm sure Zim himself will want an answer to this, too. Now, hurry, prod at the pile or something."

Obediently, Dib shifted his focus back to the cluster. His eyes immediately widened upon seeing six newly dug tunnels. "GIR, come ON!"

Distant high-pitched giggling trailed out of every hole at once.

"GIR! To me!"

The scratchy declaration from behind sent Dib springing several inches in the air, then several inches forward as the little robot launched out of one of his tunnels. The integrity of the structure was faulty, as Dib had predicted, and him throwing his whole weight onto it was all that kept it from tumbling. 

"Easy, easy! GIR decided he still wants to be a mongoose and made a whole burrow mansion in this stupid thing!" Once the heap had stopped wobbling, Dib turned his head and gave Zim a scrutinizing look. 

The alien had an arm crooked around his henchman's waist, the other curved so his hand rested on his hip. It looked like he'd given GIR a new plaything, as the bot was rapidly shaking some lump of pink-colored plush. That was all well and good, but what threw Dib off was the cool, confident smile curving Zim's lips. It was far removed from the anger he'd witnessed earlier, and, frankly, it was more than a little disconcerting. 

A sure Zim usually meant a lot of action was soon to be in order. 

"Yes, yes, I figured he'd do as much," Zim said, making his way down the step and to Dib's side. "GIR always has been very materialistic. I don't blame him too much, really, for wanting one final romp with his toys… and various other garbage he got from the ceiling earlier."

"Final romp?" Dib's brow quirked up. "None of this stuff looks particularly broken. Why trash it if he likes it so much?" 

"Oh, it isn't being trashed, " Zim mildly replied. "Watch and learn, Dib." In one swift motion, GIR was placed back on the ground, and Zim went spiraling back over to the front stoop. He stomped one foot firmly on a nearby gnome, leaned back, and aimed a finger up at the exposed Voot Cruiser. Head held high, Zim commanded, "Minimoose! Ready the clutter reducer!"

Overhead, the little purple jalopy rumbled to life. Slowly, it rose from its landing pad and drifted the five feet forward it needed to go. Now hovering above Dib's handiwork, a pill-shaped apparatus emerged from the bottom of the ship. Its tip flashed, and in a snap, GIR's belongings were enveloped in a teal energy bubble. The bubble hummed, softly at first, then louder, accompanied by a rapidly brightening glow. Just when the noise and light were becoming unbearable, the dome imploded in on itself. Suddenly, several feet of matter had been compressed down to a rectangle no larger than a textbook.

"Yes, excellent!" Zim praised with a clenched fist. "Now launch it like I showed you!"

Dutifully, Minimoose seemed to do as he was requested. The block of matter was pulled up, up, up into the ship through a hatch on the bottom. A series of whirring welcomed a new device nearer to the ship's top - a standard cannon-looking one, to be precise. No sooner did it fully emerge than did it go off with a **boom** that sent Dib rushing to cover his ears. The blast was powerful enough to push the Voot several feet back, and boy, did it show; the rectangle was nothing more than a twinkle in the sky, heading straight for the moon. 

"Right on target, Minimoose!" cheered Zim. "I knew I picked the right guy for the job! Now, bring the ship down so we can commence the next phase!"

"Next phase?" Puzzled, Dib lowered his hands and trekked up to the energetic Irken so as to avoid being landed on. "How much junk could you possibly have that this takes more than one go-around?"

"There _is_ no more junk, you presumptuous squarehead!" Zim scolded, retracting his foot from the gnome's head. "All that's left to do now is collapse the base and transfer my computer's brain system to the Voot!" Before this could take root in Dib's head and make any sense, Zim was yelling some more. “Computer! Allow me time to get back out of the way, then get to collapsing!”

“Understood. You have to the count of five,” said the computer. In an unnecessarily clamorous manner, it immediately started the countdown, each number loud enough to shake the very earth.

“ **ONE!** ”

Zim shot toward the road, extending an arm to grab GIR on his way. 

“ **TWO!** ”

“You’d better start moving, Dib-sloth! Unless getting trapped in my soon-to-be compartmentalized base is your goal here!” Zim stood hunkered behind a fire hydrant, mouth twisted in a mocking sneer.

“ **THREE!** ”

Dib jerked back to attention after staring in blank confusion at the wobbling base. No, seriously, what was going on!?

“ **FOUR!** ”

“I thought humans didn’t experience hearing loss until a more advanced age! ¡Ándale! ¡Ándale!”

“Nyaaaaokay, coming!” Not a moment too soon, Dib gained control of his legs and charged away from the lawn. 

“ **FIIIIIVE!** ”

Dib tripped on the curb and started to fall forward, only for a spider leg to whip out and snag his shirt. Centimeters from the concrete, he sighed in relief and caught himself on his hands. “Thanks, “ he muttered. 

“Don’t thank me, that was only to avoid hearing you complain about your piercings stabbing through your gums. Now hurry, stand up and watch,” urged Zim with a rapidly waving arm.

As if Zim needed to tell him to watch alien technology in action. Dib was up and turned around in two shakes of a disguised robodog’s tail. The sight he was greeted with brought a glimmer to his eye, despite the disorientation of the situation. The chunky tubes that sapped the electricity from around the neighborhood slurped backwards, leaving gaping holes behind. The lawn gnomes, those troublesome obstacles that plagued his earliest days with Zim, sunk into the ground like a game of Whack-a-Mole in reverse. The garish walls slid in on themselves, leaving bare beams that soon followed suit. The air was abuzz with clanks, whizzes, swishes. Once it was all said and done, all that remained of that crummy little house was a neat cube with a brain in a jar sitting pretty on top.

“Collapsing process complete,” said the brain in a far more manageable tone. “Now, put me in the Voot. I feel exposed without a vessel.”

“Already on it, Computer, don’t get your panties in a knot.” Zim stepped out from his makeshift hiding spot and stretched, curving his back so he could shoot his arms out and “accidently” bump Dib on the arm. “Whoo, did you see how efficient that was? Humans still need to use wrecking balls to take buildings apart. It’s barbaric by comparison.”

Dib rolled his eyes and swatted the Irken’s hand away. “Yeah, yeah, gloat gloat gloat.” In the same action, he reached over and nabbed Zim’s collar, pulling him within hardened stare’s range. “Now tell me what the _fuck_ you think you’re doing! Where are you gonna stay if your house doesn’t even reach your knees?”

To Dib’s amazement, Zim laughed. A genuine laugh, like he’d just been hit with an especially potent dad joke. It made his grip on the alien’s tunic relax, giving said alien the chance to slip away and pull an arm’s-up, one-eye-closed shrug.

“You still don’t get it? Clearly, I won’t be using the base anymore. I won’t need to! Zim is leaving Earth!”

Every last cell in Dib’s body froze. His hair stood on end, his eyes widened, his mouth slackened. 

And then…

Dib started to laugh.

And laugh.

Zim pouted, jutting out his bottom teeth as he had before. “I fail to see the humor in this.”

“How?!” wheezed Dib, who had slapped a hand on his forehead. “You? Leave Earth? What, do we bore you now, is that it? And isn’t it convenient that you’re choosing to do this now, right when I come back? If you wanted to be petty, you could have keyed my van or slashed my tires. This is a little too much trouble to go through for me.” With his other hand, he ruffled the top of Zim’s head, which only made the Irken more visibly angry. “I appreciate the attempt, though, you had me going for a second there.”

Zim jerked away, antennae raised challengingly. “Don’t touch me! You reek!” He took a few paces toward the computer’s lone brain, then whipped back around with his primary finger jabbed at DIb’s face. “You DARE laugh at Zim!? You’ll regret this after I’ve located the Massive and show the Tallest just how ripe for conquest your kind is! I’ll be sure to let out the mightiest of guffaws when you’re dragged on board an Irken scientist vessel and become nothing but spare parts for bio-experiments!”

The mirth ebbed away from Dib’s expression. Did… did Zim just say he was after the Tallests? Had he genuinely not learned the truth yet? 

“Zim,” Dib ventured, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot, “I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you still think your leaders _didn’t_ careen into a swirling vortex of death.”

“They didn’t!” Zim shouted. “It’s impossible! The Massive is headed by only the most competent of navigators, who are in turn under the flawless guidance of the Tallest themselves! If there _were_ such a vortex in their path, they could maneuver away from it with ease!” 

Mother of God. He’s not joking, is he?

Dib’s shoulders hunched. All of a sudden, the space around him was getting more and more heavy.

“Are you forgetting how powerful that thing was?! The Florpus hole could suck up entire _planets_! A few measly space crafts are nothing by comparison!” 

“Nothing about the Irken Armada is ‘measly’, Dib! The fact that you think so goes to show just how dimwitted you are!” Zim turned his back on Dib, turning his focus on GIR instead. “GIR! Go sit in the Voot with Minimoose! And Minimoose, open up the hood so I can swap out the AI brains, please and thank you!” He waited for GIR to chirp back an affirmative before stomping toward the computer and his miniaturized base.

Dib, on the other hand, was far from letting Zim walk away from him. Jaw set tight, he let out a growly huff and pursued the lunatic. “Zim! Admit it, you wouldn’t answer me this morning because you’d need to accept that you couldn’t reach the Armada! Am I wrong? Show me your last transmission if you got one in the last five years!” He caught up with Zim, who stood motionless in front of the base cube. The computer was tucked under one arm, and he’d been about to gather the base itself before lowering his head and pausing. Dib took the chance to lean over Zim, wearing a smirk so snide that the disrespect seeped into his very shadow. “Don’t have one, do you, Space Boy? That’s what I figured. Now, quit the act and put your base back up. With my luck, this’ll be the time people come out and notice you’re an alien.”

“Why should it matter to you whether I stay or not?” The question came so faintly that Dib scarcely heard it. By the time it registered, he was having to skirt away from the rapidly approaching bundle of rage. “You’re running away again! Once you gather your things for the final time, you’ll have nothing tethering you here!” Zim’s eyes were narrow slits, pink sherbert flecks quivering with emotion. “ I heard what you said about me! You said Zim isn’t a threat anymore! You claim Zim has no one to report to! We-he-hell, I’ll show you just how wrong you are, human! I’ll find them, wherever in the universe they’re stationed, and then I’ll find wherever you’ve stuck yourself and rub it in your disgusting face! Maybe that will remind you of how seriously you should have taken me!”

Dib had walked a steady backward line through the whole of Zim’s outburst. By the time he’d finished, Dib’s back was flush with the Voot. With nowhere to run, all he could do was stare down at the enraged visage of his dear enemy. He stood still for a minute, letting Zim’s words permeate his every thought. Then, with soft and befuddled eyes, Dib asked, “Are you only doing this because you don’t want me to leave?”

Zim’s antennae bobbed once, the only indication he’d acknowledged what was said. Otherwise, his expression creased even further with frustration. “I don’t have time for you and your worthless sentiments! Get out of the way!” Dib had to duck to avoid the base cube being flung up to the cockpit of the Voot, and once Zim’s hand was free, it was given the task of grabbing Dib’s shirt and jerking as hard as it could. 

Dib stumbled to the side, eyelids rapidly fluttering. When he came to a stop, he remained in a motionless daze. Now _this_ was a development. Unless he was reading too much into things, Zim was about to go on a wild goose chase over the span of countless galaxies for the simple prize of making Dib regret ditching town. Of course, finding his leaders was probably an equally important factor, but the timing of it all, how seriously Zim took Dib’s casual theorizing… 

Dib couldn’t decide if he should be flattered or flabbergasted.

Either way, more prying never hurt. Cautiously, Dib cleared his throat and squinted an eye at Zim’s back. The Irken was preoccupied with swiveling a separate brain in a jar out of its socket in the Voot’s bow. However, one of his stalks was held ramrod straight in the air - yep, he was listening after all. 

“Uh,” Dib began, fidgeting with the bottom of his t-shirt, “no, really, is that what this is about? You had every opportunity to go look for them for… seven years, y’know? And it sounds like you’re specifically mad because I in particular said… those things. What conclusion did you _want_ me to come to?”

Zim said nothing. His unscrewing motions became more frantic, however.

Dib scratched the back of his head, face falling in vexation. “Okaaay… what if I said I _wasn’t_ leaving? Would you still go?”

“Yes,” Zim said in a low voice. “You’re so incredibly keen on going out and doing absolutely nothing, even the threat of planetary annihilation won’t slow you. I can’t be sure if you’ve gotten soft, or just more stupid, but my mind is made up.”

“I’m not stupid,” Dib interjected just as soon as Zim finished. “I’m not trying to go out into the world and frolic for absolutely no reason. I _need_ to get out of here if I want to have my own future, get it? If I stay here… mmph… “

“There you go again censoring yourself,” Zim spat. The Voot’s initial brain system had been removed and placed aside, and the Computer was now being lifted up and fitted into the remaining hole. “Stop bringing it up if you can’t make yourself reveal your secrets. It’s only making me more angry.”

“Yeah, don’t need to encourage me there,” Dib quipped with a bounce of his eyebrows. “In that case, I could _instead_ ask why you don’t try contacting someone from Irk and ask them where the Massive is. Did your whole planet manage to go belly up?”

“I can answer that,” came the sonorous tones of the Computer from within his liquidy confines. “Shortly after the events of the Florpus Hole incident, all communication lines with Irk went offline. It’s like the whole species collectively blocked him-”

“Zim can answer questions himself!” Zim rapped his knuckles against the clear dome.

“Ow,” said the Computer.

“Ignore that,” continued Zim, now making fast work of putting the system in place. “The short answer is that if you want anything done, you’ll need to do it yourself. Zim requires no outside assistance in this task.”

“I… see.” Dib brought his arms to his chest, crossing them tightly. “And how long do you expect this to take?”

“No idea. Months, years, it couldn’t matter less to me. Space is no small place, Dib, and I’ve got all the time in the universe to look. Either way, I don’t expect to return here unless I’ve got a fleet accompanying me, so you can go on not worrying in perfect bliss right until an all-encompassing beam of destruction obliterates every fiber of your being.” The further in his sentence he got, the more quivery with rage his voice became. Dib expected an evil laugh to accompany the threat, but no such luck - he really _must_ be upset.

“It’s not like I wasn’t worrying up until now,” Dib said, brows curled upward in offense. “Nothing ever came up on the news, and I tried not to keep up with this place in particular-”

“You still trust the journalism of this nation? Maybe you _are_ just stupid.”

“Shut it. Anyway, nothing ever came up, and I was kind of enjoying the way things were going where I was, so… risking everything to swing by and have you involve me in another harebrained scheme wasn’t ever high on my list of things to do.”

Wrong thing to say. With the Computer snug in his new home, Zim was free to whorl around and pierce Dib’s will with an extraordinarily outraged glare. "Harebrained!? HAREBRAINED!? Zim has _far_ more brains than a lowly hare!" 

Without warning, Zim jumped up and clamped his hands into the collar of Dib's shirt. Feet firmly planted against Dib's bent knees, he was able to stand eye-to-eye with the increasingly uneasy human. The Irken's hairless brow was sharply inclined, and hot air shot in and out from between his tightly grit teeth. 

It took everything Dib had not to roll backward and kick him off, but just this once, he thought it appropriate to let the man speak. 

"I find it hard to believe you had it better wherever you wandered off to than you did here, especially since you aren't even considering going back at all," Zim continued, his tone lulling back into that contained nettle from before. "Honestly, it's like you humans _live_ for making things needlessly difficult. You robbed yourself of the lowliest of scholarly achievements, your family resents you, the town itself regards you as a laughable urban legend, and now… now you've gone and pulled the final switch to the planet's doom." He chuckled darkly and leaned in close. "It's amusing, just how far you've fallen. You should be thanking me for deciding to hasten your demise. I know _I_ wouldn't want to stick around if my living conditions were that poor." 

PAK legs slithered out and planted firmly onto the grass below. Zim relinquished his hold on Dib and allowed his body to be elevated up and back, into the driver's seat of his ship. With yolk in hand, Zim's smile widened to an unsettling degree. "I suppose this is goodbye, Dib. Do you have any parting words for me to carry as a token of your surrender?"

Below, Dib had stiffened up once again. Oddly enough, it wasn't because Zim's words had hurt him. No, Dib had already accepted every last thing he'd said as reality long ago. Instead, what sent ice spiraling through his veins was a different sort of reality - Zim's. 

There would be no triumphant return. There would be no reunion with his leaders. Instead, Zim would spend the rest of his days hurtling alone through space, looking under rocks for people who no longer existed. By the time he came to his senses - if he even _could_ \- Dib would likely be long dead, never again to see the closest thing he had to a friend. Both would be fated to isolated, miserable, unfulfilled existences. 

A dumb plan, indeed. 

"Well? I need something to gloat about, Dib, say something."

Slowly, deliberately, Dib lifted his eyes. His fists constricted by his sides. His nails bit into his palms, the dull ache keeping him grounded. When his gaze locked with Zim's, Dib's mouth pressed into a thin line, then parted with four authoritative words.

"Take me with you."

…

"Heh?" Zim's antennae sprang to attention, smile faltering. 

"I said," Dib stood up taller and set his shoulders into a firm hunch, "take me with you, Zim."

…

"Heh!?" Zim's mouth curled down in confusion. His body lifted up a couple inches from the force of his cry.

Dib sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yes, I know, not a thing you wanted to hear, but again, I SAID-"

"I heard you the first time!" Utterly thrown off, Zim scratched the back of his head and closed one eye. "This… isn't how I expected this to go, is all. You were supposed to throw yourself to the ground and wail to the heavens, maybe curse the day you let your guard slip, eh… " Quickly, he regained his composure, donning a familiar annoyed look. "Are you _daft_ , human!? Why would I bring my greatest enemy on a quest into Irken territory? You don't even believe the Tallest are out there waiting for me!" His eyes shrank to blazing raspberry slits. "How do I know you aren't just trying to escape your fate? Don't you have abandoned houses to squat in?"

"Don't _you_ know better than to tell your plans to the person who'd be most equipped to prepare the world for combat?" Dib lifted a finger, brow raised challengingly. "You implied you'll be gone a long time. Now that I'm back, what's stopping me from going to my dad and telling him to begin working on a global counter-strike system?"

"Oh, I don't know," jeered Zim, "perhaps the glaring fact that your father never truly believed in extraterrestrial lifeforms existing? You think he'd waste time and resources fighting a threat he doesn't acknowledge?"

"I could make something up! Space is full of threats that aren't alive!"

"Feh!" Zim settled against the back of his seat. "If that's all you've got, I think I'll take my leave. Really bad job on the parting words, Dib." Expertly, Zim's digits began skittering over the control panel, causing the Voot to rumble back to life. Headlights assaulted Dib's vision, making him grunt and shake his head in frustration. 

Without looking up, Zim activated the windshield; without thinking, Dib shot forward and pressed both palms against the oncoming glass, preventing the craft from closing. 

Zim complained, but not before Dib leaned into the ajar cockpit and cut him off. "Okay, think about this - you're right, my life sucks, and it's all my fault. You want to miss out on all my mopey angst?"

"Guh, yes," Zim groaned, letting his tongue loll out of his mouth in disgust. "the last time you were sad, you ran me over. You were all snotty and gross, too. It was borderline humiliating. Now, UNHAND MY VOOT!" Zim straightened out a claw and lunged forward, catching Dib in the forehead. 

"Ow, hey!" Dib risked lowering a hand to fight off the poking barrage, as persistent as it was. "I'm sorry about that! I wasn't in a good headspace!"

"And now you're in _my_ space! Get back, dirt-filth!" Back went the finger, only for it to splay out with the rest of Zim's hand in a clawing gesture. Quick as a flash, Zim whipped his arm-

-only to find his hand utterly trapped in the comparatively large mitt of Dib.

Zim squinted an eye at the sight, clearly offended. "You somehow managed to get even closer!"

"Hear me out!" Dib ignored Zim's comment and leaned further in, looking back at his near crazed reflection from the Irken's widening eyes. "You used to say there was so much in space I could never fathom, that my head might implode upon seeing it. That's preferable to me staying on Earth. I wasn't kidding when I said you were right about my life sucking - it does. At least if I go with you, it'll be by _your_ hands, not mine or any other human's. My life's yours to dampen, remember that?"

The lighter flecks in Zim's eyes trembled, like the cogs turning in his head were disrupting them. Within Dib's grasp, his claws relaxed, resting loosely around Dib's fingers. Warily, the Irken cocked his head, lowering his antennae. "Will you try to stop me?"

Dib smirked, tightening his hold on Zim's hand in a silent challenge. "I still don't think this is a good idea, but if I'm being honest, I'm interested to see you try and prove me wrong. The human race has this coming."

Zim's brows and stalks rose in unified amazement. "You mean you won't double-cross me to save your own kind? How severe has your fear of humans gotten?"

"Pssh, it's got nothing to do with that." Dib leaned his head enough to catch light on his glasses, making them shine in that mischievous way he'd grown fond of doing. "I did a lot of reflecting these past two years. Mankind was never a fan of me, no matter how hard I tried to save them or pretend to be more like them. I was content with leaving society be, but now that I think about it, maybe they don't deserve the kindness of inaction." 

He spared the most conniving of grins he could, hoping his eyes were hidden enough to conceal the dishonesty in them. 

For his purposes, his words seemed to be working. Zim was more attentive than ever before, antennae actively twitching and a faint gray-purple flush dusting his cheeks. However, his certainty evaporated when the eager behavior turned out to be Zim fighting back a monsterous laugh.

"You got _worse_ at lying! Your eye was about to close from how violently it was twitching!"

Now it was Dib's turn to blush. Well, that was all the ammo he'd thought of. Zim remained unconvinced. 

"I- I- oh, forget it." Disappointed, Dib averted his eyes and shifted his legs, preparing to haul himself off of the Voot. "Guess I'll let you go, then." 

"Wait!" Zim pulled on his arm, drawing Dib back down. "On second thought, that display of begging was the most amusing thing I've ever seen out of you. You've clearly learned from your mistakes and recalled how important Zim is in relation to your own puny existence." His face reclaimed its characteristic grin, eyes scrunched in a loud returned challenge. "Oh, how I await handing you over to the Tallest when we find them."

Dib's lips, slightly parted from shock, tugged back up into a prideful smirk. The thrill of nostalgic antagonism warmed his chest, cleared his head, drained his very being of all the anxiety he'd been accruing over the past two days. 

This was what he needed. No earthly oddity he'd read about a hundred times could compare to unknown creatures beyond the stars. No distance measurable in miles could be far enough away from home than the vacuum of space. No amount of human acceptance could compare to the rush he felt going toe to toe with his rival. 

More happy than he'd been in a long time, Dib squeezed Zim's hand and scoffed. "I'd like to see that, you horrible space monster."

…

"Martha! I think the neighbor kid's that terrifying alien menace that plagued our lives a year ago!"

The crusty voice made Dib jump and strike his head against the windshield, which hadn't stopped trying to close. He hissed in pain, then craned his neck to see that one of the neighbors had meandered outside and caught sight of Zim. Panic tore through Dib's belly, making him flop like a fish as he attempted to stand and shield the Voot from prying eyes.

"Nope! No alien here! He's normal, I-"

"Yes! It is I, Zim!" Drowning him out, Zim suddenly grabbed the sides of Dib's head and pulled him against his chest. "I've taken a human hostage! Leave me, or I'll graphically consume his gray matter and give you bloodcurdling nightmares!" A splat of what felt like water dropped on Dib's forehead - ew, Zim must be pantomiming biting into his frontal lobe. 

The bluff worked. The overweight man threw up his arms, shrieked, and waddled back toward his house, calling for his wife to fetch him a new pair of pants. 

Once the coast was clear, Zim pressed a button behind Dib's head, sending the windshield up with a **whoosh**. Dib felt a hand grip his lightning bolt and pull up. He was greeted with a cheeky zipper grin.

Dib rewarded the grin with a deadpanned frown. "Where was that energy when I was ten?"

"Bygones," Zim replied. "Now, get in the trunk."

_____________________

Gaz lay sprawled across the couch, cell phone held in the air. The screen displayed a woman decked out in camo gear brutally beating a horde of the undead, edged along by Gaz's rapidly tapping thumbs. Just a few more seconds, and the spoils behind the door they were guarding would be hers. 

This was all she could do to subdue the annoying tugging in her chest to rush to Zim's house to make sure that's where her brother had gone. The van was still out front - where else could he have gone? The two needed each other to survive, and it had been ages since they'd had a chance to argue, just the two of them. Shut up, o instilled brother's keeper instinct. Dib was impulsive, but he was still predictable. Idiot even went out the window to keep from making a fuss, like he'd do all the time before. 

Gaz would wait here, playing her mobile game, then roast him when he walked through the door. Maybe he'd gotten more touchy about being accused of being gay for the alien and whine like a little bitch. Yeah. Yeah, that would be funny. Then she could-

_Click_.

Her brows lifted robotically. Huh. That was weird. Speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that, but that was the sound the door made from the inside.

Wordlessly, Gaz lifted her head and looked at the entrance. There stood Dib, looking guilty as a kid caught in the Little Debbie's box after bedtime. He was wearing a dark brown trench coat - one she recognized as a gift she'd gotten him for his seventeenth birthday - and holding his old briefcase from his days in the Swollen Eyeballs club. The symbol had been hastily covered with tape, she noted.

"Uhh," Dib stuttered. "Nice night, isn't it?"

"This is the third time today you've tried leaving the house without my knowing. What is it this time, Dib?" 

"Oh, you know, just… trying to enjoy that crisp summer night air."

Gaz said nothing. She pressed the sidebar of her phone, dousing the screen of activity. Slowly, she shifted to a sit, never once looking away from the nervously sweating moron. 

"Care to join me for a stroll?" Dib asked, jerking a thumb toward the door. His voice cracked hard on the word "stroll".

"No." Gaz put her phone aside, then cooly crossed her arms. "You went to see Zim. Something happened, didn't it?"

Dib's eyes rolled. As he spoke, he overcompensated with wild hand gestures. "Pfft, of course something happened. It's Zim. Always doing… things, that guy. Still an asshole, no surprises there. You caught me, I was just going back to-" 

"Elope?" Gaz offered, laughing more on than inside than the outside.

"I thought you moved past that joke!" 

Gaz snickered once at his angrily embarrassed face. "For the most part. Figured I'd bring back the joke, since you're wanting to act like a clown."

Dib breathed an exasperated sigh and ran a hand through his bangs. "I'm on a tight schedule, Gaz, if you could just let me-"

"What's the rush? Zim will still be there two minutes later."

Dib grit his teeth and hissed. Gaz didn't like that one bit. 

"What." Her brows drew slightly closer.

"Nothing! Nothing. It's… " Sharply, he turned back toward the door and made a grab for the knob. 

Naturally, Gaz was faster. Dib was pinned face first against the wall before the door could open an inch.

"Nyagh!" Dib yelped, wrists crossed and held together atop the small of his back. "Gaz, it's not that big a deal! I'll talk, dammit, just let me up!"

"I don't think you will," Gaz retorted, pressing harder on his back. "I'm keeping you here like this until you spill. You want to be able to mess with computers come morning? 'Fess up. Or your hands are mine."

Dib struggled uselessly against the restraint, then huffed and became limp. "Okay. Okay." He cleared his throat, stood up straight, looked over his shoulder, and said in a strangely steady voice, "I'm going with Zim out into space to look for the Massive. You can't talk me out of it, he's already waiting for me out on the lawn."

Gaz's eyes opened wide. Just as quickly, she closed them again. "Christ, Dib, the eloping thing was only a joke. Now you're gonna find some space chapel and-"

"Hahaha, funny joke," Dib snarked, mouth ticking downward. "But seriously. I'm going. If it's any consolation, I still don't think the Massive survived the Florpus, so really, we'll just go around space for a bit, I'll get to discover places and creatures no man has ever seen before, then I'll find a way to make Zim realize his leaders are dead and he needs a new hobby."

"Oh, it's that simple, is it?" Gaz said with a snide twang. "You think it'll be some fancy vacation you can fill a scrapbook with? Dib, you fucking idiot, you're going with ZIM. He's legally delusional, you know he'll stop at nothing to find his leaders no matter how dead they actually are. This is SUICIDE."

"I realize that," Dib said, a far-off look in his eye. "'S gotta be better than staying here on Earth where I'm better off dead anyway, right? At least I'll be with someone who acknowledges me for who I am and not for what I was supposed to be." 

"What…" Gaz's eyelashes fluttered. "Dib, you've said for years now that Irkens physically can't feel anything like love or friendship. Zim's an alright guy in doses, sure, but having him as your only company? You're saying you'd rather be with someone who literally cannot love you no matter what you are as opposed… rrgh… " She couldn't continue without biting her lip and looking to the ceiling in frustration. 

"Yeah, that's right, you know how it is." Sorely, Dib scoffed and turned his head to press his forehead against the wall. "Besides, I was only repeating what Zim himself told me. I've thought about it a lot lately, and… He tends to exaggerate things sometimes, for one, and for two, it's pretty obvious those PAK things were added onto Irkens later in their lifespans. Who knows, maybe they could love at one point and can only bypass their coding through painting friendships as rivalries. It worked for Zim and I all these years, even if he never said so himself. It's better than being clear-cut despised by everyone else."

Gaz was utterly stupefied. Dib, who didn't believe in _anything_ he wasn't one-hundred percent sure of, was basing this gargantuan decision on what-ifs and maybes. Putting his life in the hands of the being who'd almost ended it countless times. And for what? 

For what!?

**FOR WHAT!?**

"Gaz, holy shit, you're breaking my arms!" Dib's anguished cry did nothing to calm the fire in Gaz's soul. If anything, she only twisted his limbs harder, making Dib kneel and try to bend with his elbows before they snapped.

"Maybe I _should_ break them," Gaz growled. "Can't go anywhere if you're that injured, can you?!"

"I don't understand! What's the issue?!" Dib asked, face contorting in pain. "It's the same principle as my plan before! I'll just be going up before I go west!"

"Yeah? Well, I hated the first plan, too." Dib's eyes stretched open in surprise, but he gasped and dropped his head as Gaz jolted his arms to shut him up. "Humanity's not all bad, Dib, you figured that out when you ran away. Those stand-in parents of yours sounded like they liked you, you just panicked and assumed they'd filet you with no proof. I don't know what the _fuck_ Dad did, but he loves you, too. I care, shocking as it is, and if you stuck around and looked hard enough, I bet-"

"NO SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP!"

Gaz clamped her mouth shut and regarded Dib with a perplexed squint. He'd suddenly gotten desperate in his escape attempts, to the point his joints were cracking and popping in ways they probably shouldn't. 

"I'm not ignorant! I'm not insane! You know that, but nobody else does! I only want to be somewhere where nobody looks down on me for daring to think in ways no one else will! Zim's a selfish cunt who wouldn't know real life from the fairy tale he's concocted in his head, but at least he doesn't genuinely think I'm crazy! It's only when his own ego is threatened that he starts arguing! I can deal with that! I _want_ that! Now let me go!"

The sorrow in his voice made Gaz's form deflate. She'd seen how far gone he was since the moment he'd first stepped foot in the living room, but this… this heap who was willing to rip his arms apart to rush to a death among the cosmos…

"God damnit," she murmured harshly before letting go of her brother's wrists. He rushed to stand, but Gaz lurched and grabbed his shoulders before he got away. With a rough shake, she stood on her tiptoes and made the hardest eye contact she'd ever made before. "Fuck you for making me get emotional, but listen to me a second. Do you hear yourself? You're doing horribly. Running away doesn't magically solve all your problems. You need _help_ , Dib. I'd be pretty fucking bummed if you died in some shitty spaceship crash that I'd never even know about. Just calm down, take a seat, and we'll-"

"Come with me, then!" Dib yelled, pupils tiny in his bloodshot eyes. "If you care so much, come with me and see how much better I do away from people! It's a little cramped in the Voot, but maybe Zim could help spruce up Tak's ship again! You and the ship's personality got along… well enough! It could be fun!"

Gaz's cheek lifted uncomfortably. She lowered herself, took a step back, and sighed. Oh boy. Here comes the part she was looking forward to the least. "I… I can't do that. I've got… plans in a month."

"Plans?" Dib tenderly rubbed at his wrists, head cocked questioningly. "You said you weren't going to do college…"

"I'm not, " Gaz admitted. "This was the path of least resistance… no interviews, no jostling for a position, just good old fashioned nepotism."

Dib jolted, head snapping up so fast that his neck should have broken. "No," he whispered, fear creeping into his eyes. "No, no no no, _no_ …"

"What?" Gaz shrugged. "I'm smart enough to work at Dad's lab, too-"

"It's not that!" Dib was on her in an instant, shaking her shoulders more forcefully than she'd done his. "Don't work for Dad! Don't! That's quite literally what he wants!"

"Well, duh," Gaz said, words coming out with an odd, wobbly accent. "He lives for science, of course he wants to keep it going as a family thing-"

"No! It's different than that!" The dread on Dib's face was almost palpable. "You're his plan B! Don't do what he wants, Gaz! Come with me, I'll get you away from here before-"

_BAM!_

The door crashed open with no warning. Framed by the nighttime, Zim stood with his hands impatiently cradling his hips. "Dib-human! You're taking far too long! Did you forget we- ...ah, am I interrupting something?"

"Zim!" The weight immediately left Gaz's shoulders as Dib leapt forward and stood in front of his knight in shining spandex. "Thank God, I needed to ask you about something!"

Zim looked up at Dib with a disgruntled frown. "What? I made it clear you couldn't bring too much luggage, there's only so much room in the trunk!" His foot began tapping restlessly against the carpet. 

"Nah, I only needed a couple things." Dib gestured over his shoulder at Gaz, who was quickly turning a shade of red only unadulterated rage could bring out of a person. "Small change of plans - turns out we're gonna need to get Gaz airborne, too. Think you could tinker with Tak's old ship and get it operational again?"

"Don't make decisions for more," Gaz barked, stepping forward and pushing Dib aside. "I'm not going anywhere, Zim, and neither is he. You wanna go look for your tall guys, fine, whatever, but my brother is staying here so I can get him the help he actually needs."

"Help?" Zim lowered a brow. "If you mean his old medication, Zim can easily replicate a similar product."

"Not just his medicine," Gaz insisted. "He needs to understand that the whole world doesn't _have_ to be against him. He needs to-"

"To what?" Dib stomped forward, looming over Gaz with a narrowed eye. "Conform? Be a good son and give Membrane exactly what he wants? No thanks, Gazlene, I'm going my own way."

Gaz drew in a sharp breath, stunned. When she could give no immediate response, Dib nodded once and turned toward the door, coattails flying dramatically behind him. He stooped to retrieve his briefcase, then shot Zim a glance. Without speaking, they both stepped in synch toward the exit.

No.

**No**.

Dib couldn't get out scot free like this. 

**NO.**

Gaz's hand was full of trench coat before she even knew what she was doing. 

"Dib!" Her voice was hoarse, betraying the years of emotion she'd had under lock and key banging against their prison bars. "Don't do this, you bastard! Tell me why you left before you go die in outer hell!" She dug her heels into the floor and pulled, willing her brother to stop and turn around before he made this huge, potentially irreversible mistake. 

Instead, he clung into the doorframe and struggled onward. "I can't do that, Gaz! Let me go! _Please_!"

"NO! Dad'll know you were here! He's not stupid! Then it'll be my fault all over again for not keeping things held together! You think I want that guilt hanging over my head for the rest of my life?! Just stay here, I'll be with you when you talk to him!"

That only made him pull harder. "There's no talking about this! It's past the point of words! Trust me, I'm doing what's best for me! For _everyone_!"

"Not if you're leaving me to- ah!" A searing pain in her forearm made Gaz's grip loosen. Dib stumbled forward, then turned around to witness at the same time as Gaz the source of the stab - Zim, with a syringe apparatus poking out of his PAK.

Both siblings exclaimed the Irken's name in alarm, but Gaz reached him first. She bunched her fingers into the slick fabric of his sleeve and jerked him up to look her in the eye. "What the hell was that!?"

"What did you do!?" Dib shouted at the same time.

"Don't have a cardiac attack," Zim said in far too calm of a manner. "It's only a mild sedative. I won't pretend to be bothered with this… " Zim pointed back and forth between Dib and Gaz with a raised eyebrow. "Er, family issue, but I _will_ be bothered by the delay in takeoff. Like it or not, Gaz, the Dib wormed his way into going with me so I can prove to him that the Tallest are, in fact, still alive, so… " Gently, he pried Gaz's fingers from his tunic and smoothed out the rumpled material. "That's the way things will go. So long, tolerable Gaz-creature. I'll ensure you're protected from the organic sweep that's sure to come any day now. Zim will be given leave to choose slaves beforehand, and rest assured, you'll be first on the list."

"Like 'ell I will," started Gaz. Unfortunately, her impending tirade was interrupted by the realization that she'd just slurred a little bit. "Whazza…" Not only was her speech slowing, but so was the rest of… time itself. Anything that could move did so with a blur effect. Noise sounded like it was being played frontwards and backwards at the same time. Gaz's tongue felt like concrete and gelatin in her mouth. "Shim, yew fuggin… uhm…" What were thoughts?

"Zim! ...only mild! Look… her!" The brown and green smudge sounded upset.

"Whoops… accidentally… too much… we can go now… " Fuck the green and pink smudge. 

After what felt like an eternity, the ceiling became the new wall. Before that could happen, green smudge got real close and caught Gaz in its brown tentacles. "...'m so sorry, Gaz," it whispered, "...fix this… be back… sorry, really sorry… "

Pink smudge said something. Green put Gaz down and walked to the door. Turned back, looked for a minute, then closed it.

Five whitey-brown sticks ( fingers?) picked up and reached for door.

"Dih… " was all Gaz could say before the living room blacked out of existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, it is space time, my dudes.
> 
> Thanks for reading to this point!  
> My Tumblr:  
> \- [My Tumblr](https://canada-maplehockey.tumblr.com)  
> 


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